Disasters were our turning points, Growth is most painful
when you resist it. - by Andrew Matthews Follow Your Heart
This blog is solely for my ranting, my illustrations on fun, laughters and
tears I had with my love ones, some silly story-telling of my life in this
small island, some thoughts on love and dreams and movies and songs and
manga /animes and not forgetting yummy food that I'm fortunate to come
across with. Apologies if my ignorance ever hurt anyone. Cheers =)
Oh, some epic stuffs happened. For the 1st time in my entire life Bunny wanna scream fuck off, for the 1st time I'm so pissed I feel I could just pinch that bastard to death, for the 1st time I wanna be mean that I feel like having the whole world know what a scumbag you are.
Yes, Dun test me. Dun test my limit. Dun you dare try. I can be that despicable me that I've never let it out before. So shut the fuck up and do what you shld do and fuck off.
I was blind to love you, I was god damn retarded to still love you and I was WRONG to fell for you. A useless bum that blames the whole world for every little things that happened negatively. Yes, I despise you now.
so dun force me. shut that awful mouth of yours before you hit my maximum limit that I can go. Damn you. dun abuse my kindness or I'll let you taste your own medicine. If you think money comes to you effortlessly I'm sorry you're so wrong. But then again, that explains your pathetic situation. I won't be a meanie if you hadn't been that crude. so dun blame me, you brought it upon yourself. I'd asked you politely and darn you, dare to change the situation around to bite me back. I've the proof and i'll let you realised how pathetic you were as a bf and still are as a stranger to me now. I despise you.
oh phew... feels good. I will tell him all these but then, felt he wasn't worth my effort to continue the anger. Any more connections with him brings karma to myself. pathetic. I once had a ex-bf who asked $70 back from me for something he bought me during the r/s and I thought that was pathetic. But now I look at someone who owes me and still dare give me craps and talk big when I weren't even nasty in the most initial msg, I realised the true meaning of 'pathetic'. Tell me I'm crude to say that and do the same thing back. I dun give a damn. I dun care what others think/say about me. All I know was, You are so pathetic in your messages if you hadn't realised you look exactly like a clown to me.
Anyway, forget about the nasty event that happened for the moment.
19 August 2010 (Thursday) My fun day out with my bunch of brothers! Love them to core. really really made my day after a good morning screwed by an asshole.
Anyway, met up at Mosburger at Plaza Sing and had a nice short chill out with Alwin, Gerald, Gavin and Mark. Then we made our way down to Chambers for a few games of L4D (Alwin went back becoz he's only 1/3 at his report.. sobs.) and Mark made 4 of us play advanced mode!! Basket!! But we completed it still.... though Mark is the top winner of all lah. LOL.
After gaming was another chill out at The Cathay's Starbucks while waiting for Kang and Jia Rong to arrive... LOL. Kang was damn stoned becoz he was rushing his report so he stared at his PC all the way from morning! LOL. Then, Dinner at Aston The Cathay where I have my yummy Black Pepper Chicken. Darn, I'm craving for it now... It was fabulouso! Or perhaps it was the perfect company. awwwww.... the guys really really made my day!
After dinner? Dessert was Dau Huay at Selegie... which is another chill out session where we craps and laze around lah... perfect moments. amazingly happiness. =) LOL.
Pictures will tell it all? how fun it can be with the guys....
The guys... Mastering the 'art' of photography...
Finally, a group photo to end the gathering! =D
Anyway, I watched Expandables and Love in Disguise and they are AWESOME!!!
Damn funny and super exciting show! Gotta catch it! it's worth watching!!! =D
A bit lame but I still enjoyed it coz I find it funny still. It's even better with the fact there are nice songs and music by 王力宏! I ain't particularly a fan but I kinda like the lameness of this show. lol.
Alright I shall update more again... gotta sleep coz I need to catch my flight to KL later... phew, I'm going travelling alone. it's exciting and amazing yet a little scary. Hope everything will be smooth and perfect =)
Just ended a 3hrs plus chat with Bestie Xien Lin!! LOL. Just like primary school time when we chatted on the phone for hours. Everything under the sun! from catching up with each other's life, to gossips of everything to heart to heart talks! Feels great, to know whatever happens, you know who are there always to fall on.
And I'm glad that I have many of such friends in my life to count on. I'm glad I have you guys and I will cherish all of you. Even for some that I seldom contact, you're missed! Becoz everyone meant something to me, every moment counts and that's what make knowing you guys special =)
oh yeah, catch up with Buddy Yvonne last evening! It's been a year since I last met her! Goodness! and she told me some juciy news... some juciy comments. LOL. most hillarious part was she AGAIN said (which was what she had always been telling me whenever we meet!!! LOL!) "next time you better let me QC the guy you're dating first!"
Love her to core. She's one amazing woman. yes, she's petite like a little girl. but I always regard her as 'woman'. Always mature, always sensible, always funny and supportive. She's one person whom you can count on when you need sensible advices, when you need some shoulders to lean on. A very strong willed woman with high pain tolerance too! LOL. a sun tanning khaki, a rock climbing khaki, a bitching khaki I've known since poly years. oh yeah, she was my FIRST friend in poly! LOL. never forget that. and one of the only few who DIDN'T think I was 'lian'... LOL!
Anyway, she has a god damn adorable baby boy name Heyvern which she didn't managed to bring him out with us earlier. but seriously, heyvern is one heart snatcher! really really adorable! So unlike his parents (uh huh, I'm refering to my buddy yvonne and her husband harry!! =p) LOL!!!!
there it goes.... Yvonne Wong & Rikka Tan:
awww... I miss her long dolly hair but she decided to look motherly. LOL.
No. 7? LOL. that's my favourite number! We went to Mc Cafe at Causeway point for some cakes and teas after dinner and there I got my favourite number plate! LOL. Anyway, took these 2 pictures with my iphone? perferct huh? I love the camera.... woohhooo... and I've been hearing good comments from Buddy Jit abt the camera too (he's also using iPhone 4 and is camera photo freak! lol.)
Saw that tinge of purple colour on my hair.. yeah I DIY dyed my hair dark reddish purple and the effect came out really well. I love that dark purple base and now am just praying the purple on the bleached parts of hair dun fade off so soon...
Viva Friends forever! LOL =p
had a great time with you Yvonne. Pls pls pls! I know how alike we both are when we come to this and I know you'd probably told me the same thing but dun keep everything to yourself becoz I'm always here too. 加油！and dun worry when I'm ready to get my wall & rock climbing cert, I'll dragged ya with me okie? =D
alrighty! Bringing my parents for some perfect lunch in Yishun later since they refused to let me bring them to JB for awesome korean food! LOL. what a waste! Meeting the bunch of guys in the late afternoon for some games (I think!) and steamboat session! Goodness me... I haven't pack anything for my Taiwan backpacking trip yet!! =.=" good luck to me. Itinary also haven't plan finish... screwed. LOL. but anyway, I had many places in mind I wanna go. Hopefully my trip work out as well as the chalet I planned! a bit gan jiong but god damn excited lah! next year I can consider back packing other places liao... whether alone or with a friend, most importantly is to see!!! =p Hope one day I can tour Europe like what bestie Prab is doing now... ENVY!!! LOL. Wanna go Italy, Spain and Paris... but wow... a bit tough on my wallet! LOL. if not, rock climbing in Aussie next year? LOL. Hopefully I can do that before Ariel comes back then I will have free tour guide liao!! LOL! Cheapo. haha!
Anyway, some awesome pictures I've 'grabbed'! LOL! :
Awesome! One of the climbing techniques I find it so difficult to master! Source: I LOVE CLIMBING FACEBOOK ALBUM
Amazing rock/wall structure... Dunno where is it located but I do hope there's such natural thing in Spore! Too bad... =S Source: I LOVE CLIMBING FACEBOOK ALBUM
Yes, I am disgusted by what the guy (husband) can do. it was like WTF? Why? What had she done to deserve all these?
Sometimes, for one's own selfish thoughts and benefits, they built misery on someone else to feel better. In return for their so called 'happiness' they wanted, they stole and sacrifices someone else's happiness. would you really be happy like this? like... hurting someone to get what you deem it to be a happier thing?
quick summary of the article, it's abt this wife who found out that her husband has an affair, 2nd marriage with another woman. after which she decided to file for a divorce and the husband actually insisted that he didn't remarry because he wasn't actually married. (LIKE WTF RIGHT? WHEN I READ TILL THIS PART I WAS LIKE, WHAT A LOSER MAN?!!) anyway, eventually the husband went back to the wife and the wife was still hoping for a reconcile. until one day, the husband took both their sons and ran off to live with his 'new' wife. now she's just pursuing the case to get her children back.
sigh. women. always that soft hearted party. anyway, it's an great eye opener to see such jerks exist in this world. goodness.
thought it's interesting and just wanna share it. guys pls, if you ever thought of cheating, dun be such a loser. lol.
LOL. sometimes I dun even know my jap words are correct anot. coz the programm will auto correct my hiragana into kanji and my kanji sucks! LOL. or worse, I would say I know nuts about Kanji!
anyway, that means "how is everybody today?"
yeah! finally clear my paper work! financial planning! oh yeah, once every mth I will need to sit down for hours to look through my statements and plan my expenses! omg. so I've skipped it for a few mths so this mths was a total mess! brain and body, both exhausted. dun u wish one day you'll be just someone who dun needs to even bother plan how much you can spend a mth? LOL. just spend only... woohooo... be tai tai? lol.
and oh! spring cleaning successful today! so happy!! although there's till tonnes of stuff on the floor but my room is definitely 20% better than before. LOL.
Went out with Sista Janet last evening to source for her evening dress. Went to this shop name "Lavender" at Stamford House and it was fabulouso beautiful! Decorated in very nice cozy purple and lavender colours with a little european style (i supposed it's european lah hor..) clothes racks and filled with lavender room fragrance! service was excellent when the staff just patiently got the dresses and help sista janet on wearing them.. The dresses are god damn beautiful! there's a particular one that I really really like! but too bad no functions.. price are quite steepy though... I heard from Sista Janet per piece cost at least $400? ouch! but good thing is they only have 1 per design, per size. Lovely~~~ LOL. anyway, they have a website:
I supposed they have dresses for casual, office, party, ROM and evening occassions. cool.
then down to plaza singapura to source for more options and had Ajisen dinner there! yummy! =D
next stop was Orchard Ion and while searching for a nice and suitable dress for Sista Janet was in vain, we sat down at basement for some desserts... yummy! (though we were very very full, but can't help it! LOL!)
Mango Snow Ice! LOL. yeah tell me abt going Taiwan to have a better one! but honestly, I ain't a very mango person. Anyway, no reviews about it today coz...... I realised I'm quite an easily satisfied person and eating this for the first time I'll probably say it's very nice coz I was happily enjoying it! LOL. but looks kinda 'wow....' right?
One of my favourite drinks! Pepermint Lemon with Nata De Coco from Happy lemon! and it makes me god damn happy! LOL. it's a very cooling lemony drink with my fav bites! =)
16 Aug 2010 - Monday
Anyway, ytd morning went for an event at Marina Madarin Hotel. Apparently was to get some award... yup, this is the 2nd time I got an award in my 3yrs life in Citi. hehe=p The 1st time was in 2009 which I was awarded one of the Top 3 Officer at Citiphone for one of the RACE Quarter.. and this time is F1 outstanding driver. LOL. yeah, nothing much though i guess but still something worthed feeling a little happy and honoured abt =)
so here's my reward (more like a reward for attending the event at freaking 8am in the morn!!!)
LOL! oh I didn't know all the SMGs are around so I simply just pull my hair into a pony tail, wore a plain black tee with a pencil skirt! Not very formal lor... coz I didn't slp for the whole night (was playing L4D with my khakis!! all the way till 6am! freaking shiok!) then directly went for this event and was supposed to get my ass down to army market so I didn't think of wearing something more formal! Aferall, it's my 1st day of compliance leave leh!!!!! kns. lol.
yeah I dozed off a few times during the function. Paiseh lah... right in front of my bosses. LOL. Goner.
Anyway, after the function I really made my way down to the army market! OMG. going there alone was scary!! vendors there are actually quite aggressive sia... but still, I managed to get a haversack which I'm pretty satisfied! and only for 24bucks! it's whole black backpack, very sturdy... I kinda like it... though I could have spend like 90bucks getting a better one with a brand but i juz thought it's not that necessary. epecially the fact I'm juz gonna make it as muddy as it probably gets during my hiking trips! LOL.
I wonder... after Sabah Hike, if I could I will go get myself rock climbing certified. best is try to psycho bestie via to do it too... then can go backpacking to diff places and climb different natural walls/rocks. just the thoughts of it, makes me god damn high. LOL.
Bunny 加油! muz save more money and do more interesting stuffs! =) sigh, now it makes me very attempted to get back my money all at once. basket, why am i so kind-hearted man? idiotic maximum. LOL.
photo of the day:
Not very clear but yes! these are freaking mosquito bites!! WTF right? I got that badly bitten when I went to Mr Bean with my gaming khakis for supper before L4D at Chambers and darn! can you believe it? out of 6 people, I was the only one attacked. And mind you, freak hell yes, I was the ONLY ONE! BASKET!!! &$%$&^%(*_)@#%^$&@
LOL. well, this shows I've got extremely sweeter blood than the rest of time. perhaps shld see the doc, maybe I'm suffering from diabetes rather than low blood sugar! LOL.
oh yah, some updates. Went to see doctor that day and apparently a lot of strange reactions of my body are suspected to be caused by stress... it's more like a psychological problem than a physical kind of problem. Coz my body is weak so stress just worsen it... to the extent that... that time... well, anyway, it's over. I guess I'm living pretty well now trying to balance out everything. too traumatised last time?! LOL!!! I swear I ain't gonna let another guy hurt me to this extent anymore and I promise I gonna love myself more than anything else and respect myself! hahaha=p anyway, I still gotta go for my appointments and thorough check ups in October.. hopefully by then I'm fine liao then can Escape lor... oops! =X LOL.
omg omg omg, 3 more days and i'm out of SG to KL with Janet and alone in Taiwan. It's like exciting yet worrying! worse still is... I haven't pack!! die die die. Must pack tonight liao, cannot last min. somemore there's a date with a bunch tmr! lol. gan jiong maximum lah! LOL.
Alright, good night peeps I'm going to bed! LOL. and Good morning to those working now. and good day to all in the world! Hakuna matata! =)
I wanted to do some speed blogging today and while I was almost finishing my entry... I accidentally erase the whole entry and blogger just went...... "Draft autosaved at 10:50am". FREAKING HELLLLLLL!!!!! grrrr...
alright, anyway, let's continue with my 'speed blogging' (not so speedy after all!). Guess why am I up at this hour when I gotta work at 4pm later on a cooling sunday today? LOL. yeah I fell asleep last night and I woke up suddenly after a few hours and yup, my body's exhausted to the core and wanna sleep more but my brain decided to go back into actions! so that's why speed blogging comes in. LOL.
Yeah, Happiness Maximum! I haven't been happier in the last 8 months.
10-11 August 2010 (Tue - Wed)
Hooray!! Bunny's chalet went perfectly smooth.. and Lovely of coz! lots of joy and laughters, nice food and chilling out. damn! I Love it to the max! Aloha Loyang Pool Terrace was AWESOOOMMMEEEE! yeah, tell me abt it! It has 4 bedrooms with attached bathrooms (and can you imagine we still runs out of bed to sleep!), a big living room, big kitchen and a spacious backyard for BBQ-ing!! LOVES!!! what's more is that the pool is like 10 steps away from the terrace and the beach is just so nearby!! Terrace's a little run down and dusty though but it's the 'space-ness' I Love sooooo much! I mean, I never really like big houses and rather prefer smaller cozy rooms but this terrace is just RIGHT for partying! Omg, omg, omg! LOL. yeah, i somehow loves those parties in America and Australia that I saw on TVs. somehow I prefer home parties to club parties. you know in Singapore, 'partying' is all Clubbing. I hate it when I can't combine Dance floor, spotlights, music, food and drinks together!
If I'm rich I'll probably arrange parties in my house (you know when I said house, I meant bunglows and Semi D whatever! lol.) like every once a month! ermmm... kinda unachievable. at least for now. shucks!
anyway, aside for the very last minute BBQ food shopping at nearby fairprice everything was perfect! oh well, the last min thing was becoz last min we realised actually quite a huge number of people were turning up! LOL. We had Mai Mai's mum to cook Vegetarian Macoroni and Potato Salad for us, Ordered food from BBQ Wholesales (their spicy drumlets and stringrays were amazing!), some other food items from everywhere and dearest sweetest auntie susan specially made Dry Mee Siam for us! AWESOME!!! and we spent the whole day just BBQ-ing, watching movies and lots of lame WII Games!! or yah! We had Caramel Bailey, Peach Vodka and Red wine!!! And Mahjong, Monopoly board & cards games and a bit of everything! lol. not really everything, I was exaggerating coz I was so excited. LOL.
Anyway, photos are always the best evidence of beautiful memories...
So much fun and laughters! especially everyone when playing with WII and eating happily! It was exhausting but really really happy and blissful! (though I crazily ran around and not sleeping for more than 2days straight! LOL.)
yeah... during the chalet I did wish he was here with us. I wish he was part of the planning too.. I wish I could see him enjoying himself with the food and games. I wish I could sit beside him and watch him play mahjong... I like to see the serious side of him when he concentrates in doing things. I missed him. But I know if he's part of this... this chalet probably may never ever happen. or maybe not as smooth as I want it to be. or rather, not as happy as I want myself to be. becoz I'll probably end up doing things... his way.
That night, I had a quick heart to heart talk with Sista Jenn. then we talked about him and me.. then she told me very frankly that she knew he never liked her as a friend/colleague and it's mutual feeling she hated his attitude too... but becoz of me, whoever that doesn't like him or he doesn't like tried to change the situation around... she's like the 3rd person who said the same thing to me. sigh. now he's gone from the circle of office friends.. I really wonder abt lots of things... i mean, I dun feel worried for him becoz he has many other friends like what he claimed but just that I really wonder... the one that I was in love with... was it really that bad? or maybe, they are just trying to make me feel better? I knew he was a guy I used to love, maybe still is, that's all that's important for me to know... uh, whatever.
Anyway, read on! things are getting better for me =) at least I thought. I'm moving on very well. staying very strong and enjoying every moment! =D
13 August 2010 (Friday)
last day for the 7 interns in office ='( yeah they are my 2nd batch of mentees that I had handheld for like 1 month and it was the most amazing experience ever in my whole 3 years of Citiphone. Knowing them is one of the most fortunate things ever. We watched each other laugh, got angry, curse and swear, gossips together.. and they never failed to cheer me up when I was frustrated, exhausted, desperated and when I tear.. They are awesome bunch of brothers that really made my day!
So I had 3 amazing lovely sweet surprises from them...
1) A lovely bouquet of 3 rochers and a pack of candies!! 2) Dragging me to the pantry for a polaroid shot and a photo! 3) An amazing Photo frame of the photo we took like half hour before I was given the photo frame!
nahz! My Iphone happened to be in the picture becoz I got it on the same day!! LOL! love it so much!
yes.... very sweet and lovely of them isn't it? I was so touched and when Mark handed me the photo frame, they really moved me to tears (of coz never show in front of them lah! so paiseh!). Poor Marky ran from Suntec to Marina Square and back to MT just to get the photo developed for the frame! =') They are friends cum brothers, I probably never wanna lose for life...
so of coz, I won't turn down their invitation for party at Zouk! I went after work though at 12am and I can't get in to Phuture anyway. Zouk's music sucks! but afterall, we had tonnes of fun...
oh yes... I got bestie via to join us since we always wanted to club but no khakis! now I found a bunch of energetic boys.. ermm, young men i mean! LOL. I haven't club for more than a yr! Boring eh?! gonna get my life back man! Anway, Had fun drinking with all of them though my gastric didn't cooperate very much and by the time I reached, Kang & Gavin already KO-ed! LOL!!! Had tonnes of fun dancing with bestie via, kexin the raguin, edeline, mark, gerald, alwin, yongqiang and i dunno who!! LOL. I was a kinda high though...
yeah, hangover the next day at work. serve me right. LOL!
and now... best shot of the day:
LOL!!!!!!!!!!! Mark REFUSED to let me pose this on FB! so I post it on my blog! He said this picture is OMG. But I thought it's rather hillerious in a cute way! LOL. now, I'm pretty sure he dunno I have a blog or else I'm get killed by him so people don't 'bao dou' me ah!!!!
Mark, it's cute. Trust me. Girls will still go after you one lahhhh. LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Loving every moments. Thanks everyone for every beautiful memories! =)
yawnz... 1hr left for me to rest. omg. hakuna matata! Good day world! =*
In the years to come Will you think about these moments that we shared In the years to come Are you gonna think it over And how we lived each day with no regrets Nothing lasts forever though we want it to The road ahead holds different dreams for me and you
[chorus] Sometimes goodbye though it hurts in your heart is the only way for destiny Sometimes goodbye though it hurts is the only way now for you and me Though its the hardest thing to say I'll miss your love in every way So say goodbye But don't you cry Because a true love never dies
In a year from now Maybe there'll be things we'll wish we'd never said In a year from now Maybe we'll see each other, standing on the same street corner no regrets Each and every end is always written in the stars If only i could stop the World i'd make this last
[Chorus] Sometimes goodbye though it hurts in your heart is the only way for destiny Sometimes goodbye though it hurts is the only way now for you and me Though it's the hardest thing to say I'll miss your love in every way So say goodbye But don't you cry Because a true love never dies
And when you need my arms to run into I'll come for you Nothing will ever change the way i feel
[Chorus] Sometimes goodbye though it hurts in your heart is the only way for destiny Sometimes goodbye though it hurts is the only way now for you and me Though it's the hardest thing to say I'll miss your love in every day So say goodbye But don't you cry Because a true love never dies
A Lyrics for him... well.... I suddenly thought of S Club 7. Then I remember I kinda like their songs when I was much younger.. Popped by youtube and came across this song...
haha=p yeah. I ain't emo-ing lah.. I just thought it suits... But I guess, the true love was only on my side. dun worry, i ain't tearing. I'm trying to let go and forget too. I'm moving on... progress may be slow though... but I guess it just goes to show how much I actually love... him.
Ever since he's gone, I'm staying stronger. sometimes I prayed to meet someone like him, but love me more.. lol. silly huh? I know, I know.
I guess it probably makes him feel even better and probably I'm just ruining myself and getting mocked at by him(if he reads my blog...), by showing how much pain I'm putting myself through... by showing how much I still miss him. yeah, I mean... I dunno how I could hide. I dunno how I could lie to myself and anyone else like what he does... I just can't.
Sometimes goodbye though it hurts in your heart is the only way for destiny... Sometimes goodbye though it hurts is the only way now for you and me... Though it's the hardest thing to say... I'll miss your love in every way... so say goodbye.
It wasn't the hardest thing for him to say..
but it was for me...
and goodbye still is the hardest word for me......
I watched Salt today!!!! Angelina Jolie is soooo cool! Sometimes I really wish I could be so strong physically & emotionally like her characters! LOL.
Anyway, Salt was breath-taking. so many things in the show feels "OUCH!!!" to me... lol. yeah, very action pact so i really like it... but again, I hated the ending... it's another kind that makes you go like.... "so now how? she escape liao then how? who is she helping eventually?" LOL. yeah... I hate the feeling of suspense. I love surprises though, not suspense and shock. haha=p
anyway, some funny boo-boo happened today! Sista Janet is a blur sotong, actually! LOL. yeah, book the wrong tickets... instead of AM, we booked PM. LOL!!!! Luckily they let us changed and we watched a 1.35am show instead.
End up... 3 of us 'rua' at the sofa for abt 1hr lor... LOL! oh, I ran off to surf net until I realised a lot of people attempted being kaypo to look at what I was surfing. LOL!
ermmm... sista just need to watch the screen and eat at the same time. cannot keep still. LOL.
loves the jokes we shared and the movie time! =)
well, kinda hate the cab ride home alone every night... it makes my mind wanders and i just get emo a while during that ride. makes me think a lot lah... I thought about Angelie Jolie in the show... the physical pains... what can that be compared to her emotional pains? yes, damn it.. emotional pains are uncontrollable. fuck hell... though it makes me grow, i hate growing the tough way like this.
anyway, best of all I found out some amazing stuffs today. But nahz, I'm not going to talk about it. I could only say, I'm not like him.
sigh... sometimes I wonder, did I just push that pain in one corner hoping i'll forget about it one day... or did I just let it grow in that corner? somehow, i realised, I ain't as strong as what I want myself to be yet. hopefully after my trips.. I'm be stronger.
somehow, i know all these while, good things he said during the r/s and during the break up were all lies.. I mean, I didn't choose not to believe them. I chose to believe what he said was real. I chose to believe I'm that One out of the Two he truly loved. then, slowly day by day, I discover more and more things about him and things he did... then i start realising... maybe i was really a fool? it's so easy to say "I Love You" to someone? silly bunny... I couldn't do it doesn't mean someone else couldn't do. And if even I had done things like saying "I Love You" without meaning them before to other guys, he could have done it even much better than I do. just sadly, maybe he had just did it to me...
he hated it when i doubted his love for me. while i hated it when he didn't realised my love was and still is, true. or maybe he realised... then, i hated it when he let his own actions proved his speech wrong.
so this kind of pain... it sux. I could scold thousand times of "fuck" without even feeling bad about it. does anyone feel the same kind of pain before? it's not sad, it's not hate, it's not love, it's not miss, it's not guilt, it's not anything and it's not nothing. you just dunno what it is.
and yes, he will never ever know what kind of pain I'm talking about.
I dun hate him... I just feel super disappointed with his actions. I just feel painful. some kind unable to compare, not even to that horrible pain of tattoo touch up I did. once again, thank you timmy, thomas chew.
every attacks of the pain, every small little juvenile things u did, makes me braver each time... I hope to step out of it soon.
each day, i slowly forgotten a digit in his mobile number, each day I slowly forgotten a small part of his looks, each day i slowly forgotten parts of moments with him and things he did. each day his shadow in my mind seems further and further away... each day, i look forward to a day when I dun think about him anymore.
and one day, he will not appear in my mind anymore. probably, just like how I was to him.
do you think he misses me?
LOL. sigh, he dun cares. anw, whether he misses or he doesn't, it doesn't mean anything to me. we're impossible and dun tell me "nothing is impossible" becoz i wanna make this impossible. I just want to. I dun wan any possibilities. sigh. pain...
anyway, Hakuna Matata for bunny!! Bunny Bunny 加油加油! =D yup, I'll get well. I'll be fine soon!
so excited about the chalet on coming tuesday... but as the day gets nearer, the more exhausted I am. LOL. a little anxious too. scared I didn't do it well enough to what I want it to be.
Taiwan trip in 2 weeks time. getting very excited and a little frightened about it as days passed by too... mixed feelings! worst is, i haven't plan or prepare anything yet!! oops. LOL.
see uncle Tony's so nice! He went down to Taiwan Tourism Board and he helped me get maps and guides too! best of all, he helped me collect free passes to Taipei's National Palace Museum and Amusement Park!!!! Yeah I can go 小人国 to see Doraemon already!!! Free of charge!!! so happy!! =D
And I have nice pals like Sook & Simon who lent me their Taipei Guides! Sook's the best... she gave me cards and taught me how to go and where to go to eat! best right? and Lynn too!! she gave me her map and made markings for me and taught me how to go! omg. they are all more excited than me lah. LOL.
While I'm kinda afraid coz I'm going alone... they thought I am brave to do it. LOL! hope i won't chickened out. but i guess, I won't lah. hahaha=p money already paid to airlines and hostel liao... LOL.
and they keep asking me to find cute Taiwanese Guys. hahahaha!! people, pray for me to meet knowledgeable and cute guys there lah. Not necessary need to be Taiwanese lah! LOL!!!
omg. pls. LOL. I'm just kiddin!
Oh anyway, I just realised I did take photos that day when I went in to JB! Took a few secret snaps of Elle Salon!! (paiseh lah... later people think I'm some freak taking pictures). LOL!
Don't my hair looks a little healthier after hair spa?? lol.. anyway, I trimmed bits of it. Finally I get to layer a little of my hair... looks a little not-so-heavy now. haha=p
oops! this is before the hair cut. I'm just ending the entry with a 自恋 photo again! LOL. I think i'm very much in love with myself now, more confident day by day! LOL!!! very much in love with the beach too, with the sky too, with travelling too, with blogging too, with organising fun stuffs too, with photographing too, with climbing too, with my tattoos too and blah blah blah... never ending! LOL!
alrighty! Good day to everyone! while I'm off to bed soon =p
OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! LOL. yeah, I'm excited. God damn excited. and Happy. Very happy. and I'm so proud of myself. yup, extremely. lol. well, I'm achieving 50% of my goals in 2010.
Appointment with Su @ Exotic Tattoo today Finally! oh yeah? I finally got my Hakuna Matata on my neck! I thought neck will be so freaky painful, yet it wasn't! Not at all!! It just feels a little pricky.. Like a hot stone scrapping on the skin. Must be Su, she has really good skill. And she's fast. really, so fast. I know the Tattoo is small and simple, but that took her like... less than 5min! I was like "huh? Done already? So fast?! And it's not pain at all!!" Geez she's awesome ain't she?
Hakuna Matata Symbol
LOL. I Love it. Extremely. To the maxxxxxx! =D An artist there saw the design and told me this is awesome. yeah I really do think it's Awesome too! And when I was doing it, I heard them singing the Lion King's Hakuna Matata song outside. LOL. Cool...
oh yes, I got Su to touch up my Takara tattoo too... And damn it, it was PAINFUL! I mean it. It's so much more painful than the 1st time I did it and the 1st touch up... this 2nd touch up was.... awfully painful. But guess what? I didn't made a single noise. LOL. I personally feel I have high tolerance of physical pain... but still, it did hurts. I heard touch up is always more painful. haha=p But like I said, Su's cool, she completed the touch up like in 20 min?
Looks better isn't it? but now when I apply lotion on it, I could almost bang the wall for that horrible stinging pain.
Anyway, some 'advertising' here. LOL. (No she didn't ask me to do it!!) I just really think I should credit Su... She's really really good and fast. 14 years of experience, grand daughter of famous tattoo artist Johnny2thumbs. Best of all, she don't look scary at all. Very friendly and sweet actually. Located in Far East Plaza #04-11.
Alrighty, some emo stuffs here... Guess what? After I finished my tattoo-ing, I heard 'Impossible by Shontelle' on their radio in the shop. they were commenting the song lyric is really meaningful. and yes. I somehow felt that lyrics relate to my story too. haha=p I feel the hurt. That burning pain that was hidden in me, in the song...
Anyway, know what kept me going during the terrible pain of tattoo touch up? Him. lol. yeah.. it was him. He was on my mind all the while. In fact, I dun deny... He's on my mind every minute ever since the break up on 28 June 2010. Or well, maybe since long way back when we started emailing each other. but it was him whom taught me to stand up, to stand strong. to realise how far I could actually go for Love. it was him, and maybe still is. Though I couldn't forget how nasty he treated me during the break up, things he said to me, how much I've given in the relationship, how he had dumped me for his own selfish thoughts and every lies and empty promises, that awful situation he has set me in and leaving me alone to settle first for what he couldn't and has to do it slowly.. But I dun hate him. I don't hate him anymore, or maybe I never did. In fact, I'm grateful... He made me whole again, he made me realise so much more, the importance, the priorities of my life... yeah, he always think the break up was doing me a favour. Maybe he's right. He gave me the chance to do what I want again, to be who I am again and to achieve what I probably could never do so with him. Thank you Timmy, Thomas.
Don't worry peeps. I'm doing fine. and dun worry, I've never thought of getting back to him, never thought of doing anything with / to him. When I decided to have Hakuna Matata to go with me for life, I've decided that no matter what I will not look back and give up life so easily anymore. The pain is still there, but I dun need it healed. I feel no more difference with him or without him with me now. I dun deny I miss him. I dun deny I think of those lovely moments once in a while. I dun deny there's so many things I wish he's involved too. I dun deny I still Love him dearly. But I won't deny too, he meant nothing anymore. Although for the moment, I admit I dun wish to have anything to do with him still, but I would never rule out the possibility of seeing him and becoming friends again... but then again, I would never drop a single tear for him anymore. Not anymore.
LOL, oh! maybe one day for a single tear... if he decides to break his last and current promise of returning me what should belongs to me. but I think if that day ever comes, then that'll be so pathetic liao lah....
Anyway, emo time over! LOL. oh well, I ain't really emo lah... just some thoughts that I didn't voice out to anyone... some thoughts that I could never say it out...
Anyway, I'm super busy recently for the preparation of Chalet.. It's approaching!!! 4 more days!!! Excited. and thanks to many many people for preparing and getting busy with me!! Especially Mai Mai, Ivan gege, Cun cun, Janet and Sylvia! and soon I need to drag Mingshu & CK to get busy with us on the actual day!! LOL. Amazing.
That's why I said I'm 50% there. Hakuna matata & touch up done, Chalet almost done. After that will be Taiwan Backpacking (I'm still a little afraid becoz I'm going alone!!!) and lastly a Sabah hiking to end my memorable 2010.
Bedtime now... long day of work later. and still must prepare stuffs for chalet. Exhausted but Loving it.
Hakuna Matata!! Good night world... I Love whatever that's so amazing =)
woah... I'm awake for more than 24 hours now. this is crazy. and I should be sleeping already coz I'm so tired... But I just cleared some stuffs in my room... and suddenly, got a little emo? affected? whatever. lol.
anyway, Ended night shift this morning and had been busy liasing with Mai Mai & Cun Cun to assist me on the preparation for the Chalet. How Time flies! Less than a week to the Chalet now..
After making a few phone calls, Bunny choose to do 'mind over body'. LOL. yeah, I went straight out to JB with Sista Janet! Goodness! Anyway, we had Bak Kuteh for lunch at Taman Sentosa again!! Loving it =D It's really really delicious... now, I kinda miss the 发起人肉骨茶 at Balestier too! And we had 爱玉冰 (I think this is how it's call...) drink! It's a very cooling lemon flavoured drink with some kind of jelly... It's really really NICE!!! =D
After that was hair spa at Elle Salon! OMG, this is the 1st time I try out a hair spa and it's really really great! Massage and the treatment was way way way too good to even be described with just words. LOL!
Dinner for Sista Janet & Bunny was SteamBoat behind Plaza Pelangi with Pru & Sam! Half Tom Yam and half Chicken soup... I tell you, it's just god damn perfect. I REALLY LOVE STEAMBOAT JUST TO THE CORE!! LOL. and I have a very nice lady Ms Prunella who constantly pick up food for me!!!! =p LOVES!
oh yah! and I tried Fruit Rojak today. 美味しい ね!!
oh well... I didn't take picture for whatever that I came across today =( coz I was sooooo sleepy, my body aches like an old lady... LOL.
I really really had tonnes of fun. =D
Song request in the playlist from Dear Mingshu and she said the song is soooo for me.. ??!!! But anyway, thought so that the lyrics are quite meaningful:
Love Me No More by Bardot(song is available on my mixpod playlist on the left)
I toss and turn in bed Can't get you out of my head Even though you're so far away I need you here with me Oh boy, why can't you see That I can't live without your love When I close my eyes I think of you Well I wish I had you here with me But there's nothing I can do, oh oh
[Chorus] Counting every day that goes by And the tears that I cry (tears that I cry) You don't wanna love me no more Wish that you could hold me tonight I'm hurting inside Cause you don't wanna love me Cause you don't wanna love me Love me no more
I tried to call your phone But you ain't been at home I need to find out where you are So I can make you see That you belong with me For me there is no other love When I close my eyes I think of you I wish I had you here with me But there's nothing I can do, oh oh
[Repeat chorus]
All I know is that I can't live without you Ooh, but I wanna know What made you feel this way I'll be right here for you (right here for you) And everything that you do (thing that you do) But how can I get close to you When you don't feel the way I do, ah hah
[Repeat chorus to fade]
It's nice... =D Anyway, I just cleared lots of stuffs in my bedroom.. Just chucked everything relating to him in a corner of the storeroom and decided to thow them once I'm strong enough till I think I'm stable to face even him. But somehow, feels a little strange... I dun deny I miss him... But the feeling is different. it's like.... ermmm... I dunno how to describe. Maybe it's like No difference with him or without him. Anyway, I'm moving on =)
gosh... I'm so sleepy now. peeps, pardon me for any spellings or grammar mistakes if there is!
Dun understand... why the need to lie to others? doesn't lying and hiding makes life more difficult and process more tedious? I mean... why can't One just be transparent enough and tell the real truth? did you 'feel' that by doing this it's better in the event you fail? or did you say those because you do not trust what you did as much as we do not trust you?
anyway, good night. I am really really exhausted.
Hakuna Matata!! I'm coming for you in 12 hours time! *LOVES*
This entry is outing with via via khoo aka sylvia khoo mei ping aka the piglet! LOL!! (coz I got another bestie Sylvia Wong whom I also call her 'via')
LOL! I had fun yesterday! last minute managed to 'Pull' via via khoo to go town with me in the evening before night shift! Sweet of her to accompany me down to Su's Exotic Tattoo to show her my design and my current tattoo for touch up. Su was like "eh.... ur touch up gonna be more tedious than your new tattoo!" LOL! but Su's very busy so no choice I gotta schedule my appointment... THIS COMING THURSDAY!! OMG! lol. after thurs she's packed lah... but no one to accompany me leh.. Janet and Sylvia's both working.. then after that i need to rush back office for OT (broke lah!)... a bit scared even though it's not my 1st time! haha=p but, but, but! Hakuna Matata I'm coming!! wohooooo!
Anyway, since we were at Far East via via suggested to go Wasabi Tei for dinner! =D I went there once with Him and I like it.. so ytd was the 2nd time only! I think I ordered something I like to eat more so now Bunny's loving the food there! oh yeah, Jap food and Pastas are my loves! =D
After that was a walk to opposite Shaw Plaza for cakes at Canele! LOL! we were god damn full already but we still want cakes!!!
Via Via Khoo ordered Bushmen Brew Organic Tea & Le Royale Cake...
Le Royale cake (the long rectangular cake in the pic): Absolutely a must try! It's the best selling cake at Canele.. Chocolate and Hazenut and layer of sponge and waffles I think... it's like soft and cruchy! very nice! =D
Bushmen Brew: Normal tea just that with honey smell... which via via couldn't smell it at all! I thought it's very mild but soothing.
I ordered Berry Black Organic Tea & Gateaux Chocolat Cake...
Gateaux Chocolat cake (the square and dark colour one in the pic): I love this!! I'm not a very moose/ creamy cake person so this cake definitely suits my taste! It's made up of different layers of dark chocolate and flourless sponge, very thick chocolate but not too sweet! really very very nice! for those who like dark choco and 'harder' cakes, try this!
Berry Black: nice on the 1st cup, it's a little sweet taste like those grape glucose drinks but less sweet. but as the tea bag continue to soak in the hot water, it gets a little too thick to the extent it taste kinda sour.
I remember I went with Clover to Canele at Paragon before and I tried other cakes too. Not sure what were them but I know I did try their Tiramisu. Was a little disappointed... or maybe coz Bakerzin got better Tiramisu!! LOL. but We enjoyed ourselves there, staff was friendly and the environment was very cozy.
Sadly, Service at the Canele Via & I went to yesterday was not very impressive. We walked in and I asked the staff what time are they closing and he replied me 9.30pm (in a very unsure tone). So I asked "so are you guys still opened?" (as the shop still looks busy). guess what?! he said "u hold on for a while I'll check". goodness... biggest mistake ever! always know what is the operating hours of your shop! imagine, I was already IN the shop... manager came out and told me they're till 10.30pm and he gave his subodinate a stare directly. Worse? They didn't even invite us to take a seat until via via asked "so can we get a seat inside?"
After that was okie... Until they decided to close they warned us 5min before and then just proceed to... switch off the lights! erm, i was a little shocked. For Canele that looks a little classy on the exterior, I was taken aback on how they asked their customers to leave.
but then... you know lah, I'll probably still buy from Canele coz I love their cakes. LOL.
Then via via and I decided to head to the toilet in ION. it was only like 11pm? but the mall was empty and we had the toilet all to ourselves...
So I decided, since ION put in so much effort to build such lovely toilets... we started our, or rather, I started my narcissistic shots in the.... ermmm... toilet... wahahaha=p
I Love this mirror... Can stand there and just be vain...
Via's trying to cover the big pimple on her chest. LOL!
The Bodyshop's LOVE ETC Range advertising in the Toilet... Cool hor?
oops... a little small but this is the room/toilet for the babies and the mothers! I'm surprised it's well equiped with water dispenser and bottle warmer! I refilled my water bottle there... LOL!
ermmmm.... very vain lah I know. But I just wanna show, I slimmed down!!!! LOL. but then... I hope I dun grow fat again from all those eating and playing and skipping yoga classes for like, ahem, 3 weeks already!!! LOL. *guilty maximum* =(
Okie... I gotta rush for Night shift already. Had lots of fun with buddy via via khoo. She's such a nice and fun loving friend!! =D let's end off this lovely entry with a photo of......
I just got reminded by Kristie's joke... "I prettier or Ou Xuan Prettier??" She asked.
=.=" Love all our responses and reactions and facial expressions! LOL...
Anyway, Came across this song from babe pauline's FB. heard it once but didn't pay attention, a closer ear, Love the lyrics:
IMPOSSIBLE by SHONTELLE(song is available on my mixpod playlist on the left)
i remember years ago someone told me i should take caution when it comes to love i did, i did
and you were strong and i was not my illusion, my mistake i was careless, i forgot i did
and now when all is done there is nothing to say you have gone and so effortlessly you have won you can go ahead tell them
tell them all i know now shout it from the roof top write it on the sky love all we had is gone now
tell them i was happy and my heart is broken all my scars are open tell them what i hoped would be Impossible, impossible impossible, impossible
falling out of love is hard falling for betrayal is worst broken trust and broken hearts i know, i know
thinking all you need is there building faith on love is worst empty promises will wear
i know (i know)
and know when all is gone there is nothing to say and if you're done with embarrassing me on your own you can go ahead tell them
tell them all i know now shout it from the roof top write it on the sky love all we had is gone now
tell them i was happy and my heart is broken all my scars are open tell them what i hoped would be impossible, impossible impossible, impossible impossible, impossible impossible, impossible ooh impossible (yeah yeah)
i remember years ago someone told me i should take caution when it comes to love i did
tell them all i know now shout it from the roof top write it on the sky love all we had is gone now
tell them i was happy (i was happy) and my heart is broken all my scars are open tell them what i hoped would be impossible, impossible impossible, impossible impossible, impossible impossible, impossible
i remember years ago someone told me i should take caution when it comes to love i did
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Funny Picture I 'ka-poh' from xinmsn:
WTF right? I wonder how they run... 佩服佩服！
heh heh... god damn busy for the next 4 days.. coz tmr and day after Night shift and then 2 days off so lots of errands to run. Facial then most likely to visit Exotic Tattoo shop to let Su see the design first then can book appointment liao... must also go hunt for my backpack coz I dun have a proper backpack yet. and then Dinner with Via Khoo? alamak... still gotta hunt for my sis Jace's bday prezzie... plus besties via via's and cara's prezzie.. then going JB on wed? then my yoga classes? then preparation for the chalet? need to order part of the food for BBQ on tues... bills also haven't got the time to pay. also haven't got time to visit 乾妈 in JB to collect my stuffs? OMG!!!! August onwards are super broke months... chaim liao.... Bunny is hopping around non stop. LOL.
The guys... Mastering the 'art' of photography...
Damn funny and super exciting show! Gotta catch it! it's worth watching!!! =D
A bit lame but I still enjoyed it coz I find it funny still. It's even better with the fact there are nice songs and music by 王力宏! I ain't particularly a fan but I kinda like the lameness of this show. lol.
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