Disasters were our turning points, Growth is most painful
when you resist it. - by Andrew Matthews Follow Your Heart
This blog is solely for my ranting, my illustrations on fun, laughters and
tears I had with my love ones, some silly story-telling of my life in this
small island, some thoughts on love and dreams and movies and songs and
manga /animes and not forgetting yummy food that I'm fortunate to come
across with. Apologies if my ignorance ever hurt anyone. Cheers =)
Whenever I feel like giving up life, I'll look up for Nick Vujicic's videos... His talks alway inspire me and make me a little stronger. Life with no limbs, life with no limits. And when I fall down... I should be getting up like what he did. And if I fail, I should try again... Even if it takes me a 100 times. Wonderful video for a depression patient like me... =)
And before you start thinking becoz I HAD (when I used 'had', it means it's a past.) depression makes me a total pessimistic person. You're so wrong... I ain't 24hours pessimistic... It's just a condition that I was more often feeling down than normal people, lost control of my emotions and thoughts and hearing and seeing images and past unhappy scenarios flashbacks. My psychologist once told me, most depression patients appear perfectly fine and sometimes is the "cheery clown" of the group. Many depression patients often get misunderstood. We recover, we aint insane alright?
whoever that feels like giving up now... 加油 and dun give up! you're not alone =)
Optimism is great, but what does "Planning for Rainy days" equivalent to "Planning to Fail" or even being pessimistic? Everyone has their own sets of thinking, own styles of behaviour, has a reason behind everything they do or plan to do. I really dun understand why as long as it is the opposite of yours, you will deem it as so negative. I dun understand.. It's always you more determine than anyone else, you being more optimistic, you being better than anyone else. For once, could you see that you're not the only good here. For once, stop behaving like your every choices and decisions are right, are perfect which I'm pretty sure you'll just deny you behaved like this when pointed out. Look, I know you achieved a lot but that does not means I didn't. I've been through, definitely more than you and I achieved what I aimed for. So stop your criticism or to put it in a nicer way, your comments to put me down. Dun compare me with yourself, Especially when you dun have the kind of responsibilities like mine.
Everything must be LOGICAL in your dictionary. Using FEELINGS & EMOTIONS ain't always bad. There's tonnes of successful people out there who uses feeling and became who they are right now. Being emotional makes me a more understanding person, makes me see the real world, to understand how fortunate I am, to understand gratitudes, love, staying strong and being there for others. On top of that, I wanna let you know, NOT ALL THAT YOU SAID WERE EVER SO LOGICAL! sometimes, things you did were not even logical, not even Mature. you simply acted without thinking how much it had affected someone else around you! yeah, I just didn't dare to be frank enough to let you know some of your actions were so freaking immature! “你根本不会想！”
phew... feels good. yeah I know, damn no guts. Blogging it here becoz I didn't dare to say it to that person who made me so fed up. But what's the point? Saying it to the person simply will just make my life more difficult to go through quarrels. I prefer peace.
had i been too hard on myself lately? somehow, I feel damn lost... I just wanna find my way to a light... a lot of things, I usually do not care for a answer but lately, I wanted so so much to know if what I've done were right or wrong... sigh.
anyway, very unfortunately, I gave up my Uni enrolment for the 3rd time, and I hope will be the last. sounds very stupid, for a fact that I've wasted 3 years already. so people, pls stop questioning me about my studies coz it hurts... I still wanna get a degree, yet being who I am has too much concerns and responsibilities that every moves I decided to make, I must plan it so carefully. anyway, guess the last resort is to take up a deferred loan, which I really really hope I could choose not to. It's quite upsetting to know that you've to clear a whole lots of debt after graduation... just like I'm clearing for my poly sch fees and my unworthed 1 yr of Unisim school fee now.
Dearie commented that we could still make it a possibility of me going to Le Corden Bleu in Sydney to study Patisserie. I mean... I really love to. But I dunno if I'm ready for that... I know I had 2 major interests in life which I had came to the conclusion that it may not be suitable for me even though I really like them - being a Make Up Artist and Learning Patisserie. sigh, but look at me... I'm a banker now. and what had i always been telling myself and my parents? "Over my dead body to work in an office, over my dead body to be a banker, office lady etc etc..." and damn, I've been working in an office, as a phone banker for the last 3 years. do you realise? when you're lost, you practically can't move on at all. it's like, feets glued to the ground. dead and restricted.
somehow, health conditions had made my mental conditions worse. Had fever on and off continueously for 2 weeks.. I lost my voice totally the previous thursday 3 June 2010 and my voice only slowly recovered on the 6th day. even now, my voice is rather hoarse and my tonsils are still badly swelled. And in return for a slow heal of my tonsilities, I developed a really really bad cough. Wow, geez. all thanks to my health sometimes I wonder if I should even be angry with being saved during birth and putting Mum through all those pain of difficult labor and raising a constantly unwell kid, or should I be blessed with being given a chance to live.
anyway, luckily last thurs Dearie covered me with my night shift or I'll be so dead becoz I really really can't project a single proper sound of a word at all. But poor Tiggy worked 3 night shifts in a row.. I really really appreciate his help. Anyway, it was torturing becoz I can't talk and I can't eat properly and it was painful. so I'm glad I have my voice back again! yeah!!! =D
alright, sorry I sounded so despair and depressed earlier on... I guess I just need a space to unleashed the bottled sadness and uncertainty.
27th May 2010: oh well, how could i forget a good news?! Tiggy came back to S'pore after his 1 mth reservice in Taiwan!! Yeah!! Life without him was torturing... and I ain't lying. LOL.
Look at what Tiggy has gotten for me from Taiwan......
A Dancing Stitch! this is really damn cute!
Our bed full of my toys family.. Addition to the family are The Doraemon, Blue Bunny, Another Stitchy and the dancing stitchy, all flown all the way from Taiwan with Dearie.
Goodies from Taiwan! yummy! Love the Almond Balls most!
Our favourite common 'Hobby', Steamboat time! *slurps!* =p
12 June 2010 (Lovely Saturday):
Yup, had a great time shopping with my dearest Tiggy. He's such a baby, Love him to core. LOL. Went for some shopping at Orchard, Dinner at Ambush (Takashimaya) and then a really really nice movie Karate Kid at Lido Shaw. Strangely, when I saw these pictures, I realised everytime I had meals at Ambush, I am always sitting at the same tables! or position rather. LOL. with bestie xien lin, with mummy and with Tiggy dear, it's all right in front of the lift! haha=p
Yeah... there were times I really really hated Tiggy for the things he did or say without sparing a thought for me. There were times we fought, we screamed at each other, we walked out of each other. There were times I was cursing and swearing about him... There were times I cried to, complained to Sistas and Besties and Mummy... There were times we felt we have such different thinking that we couldn't get along. There were so many times... But I love him still... For my whole 23 years of life, I had only truly fell in love twice. Once that caused all misery and tears and fright. And now... The Boy I wanna settle down with. Thanks Tiggy for being there...
well, he never reads my blog. And if he does, I want him to know how special he is to me...... =)
Introduction Time! =p :
Left: Elicina Cream I bought this from http://elicina.sg/ for SGD26.00 (20g). It's also known as Snail Cream. Supposingly good for removing scars as it has exfoliating function which eliminate dead cells, destroys pathogens, heals and regenerates damaged tissue. Good for combination and oily skin. I'm still using it though, result is quite slow but somehow, it did make the skin a little smoother and blackheads were easier to remove.
Right: Bio-essence BB Cream If I didn't remember wrongly, I bought it at SGD23.90 from Watson. the texture and coverage were really good but it's kind difficult to blend. It works rather well with my annasui loose powder as my make up foundation. But BB creams in the market nowadays are more like a cosmetic foundation than a solution for blemishes. Which I recall BB cream first got introduced in Singapore as a Blemish Balm which supposed to heal blemishes and smoothen the complexion. So, this BB cream from Bio-essence does works as a wonder for a make up base but not so much of a blemish healer. Important note? Remove it thoroughly when you wash your face before bed time.
Minty Aloe Jello from Honey Pot : I love this! the minty feel on the skin really soothes my painful/itchy rashes. Great for after brazilian wax too! but then it gives a initial sticky feeling before it dries. Smells a little like toothpaste but really cooling.
MAGNUM Volume Mascara from Maybeline: New love in my basic make up family. Waterproof and Volumnizing and Afforable. I Love this so totally.
Majolica Majorca Eyeliner: Got this at SGD11.90 from Watson. It's cream colour with gold glitters. Love the highlighting effect for under-eyeline. The cream colour is almost invisible for my skin tone, so definitely a quick work for glittering and brightening my eyes.
Milky Foot - SGD29.90: You gotta try this. It's damn cool! Bought this from Watson too... It's like a foot mask, soak it in for 1 hour and remove it. Over 3 weeks, your dead skin on your soles and toes really peels! May experience a little tingly feeling during the soak. And after the peeling completes, the skin is really much smoother. However, the peeling process was a dread. Looks damn disgusting and you'll have dead skin in your soles and on your bed. it comes with a tube of moisturiser too. Really, gotta try, it's quite cool.
Alright... what a long long entry. LOL. Good night peeps.
