Sunday, July 25, 2010

别再为他流泪 (Translation: Don't Cry because of him anymore)

~别再为他流泪~ 是梁静茹的歌... I love this song... I've been repeatedly listening to it for at least 2 whole days and I'm not sick of it yet... it's a song which somehow give me peace & strength to move on... You can watch the MV (i have in the ipod list on the left side of my blog =p) and you'll realise it's a song that is really motivating for whoever out of love...

ahem. I'm posting an entry about Facing Break Up today. which i supposed whoever that reads it gonna be quite skeptical towards my own opinions, especially coming from someone just out of love. LOL! but then again... last 1 mth has been really tough for me. I pulled through still!! and at least for now I feel happy and relieved. I just want this experience to be recorded as a lesson for me... I want to record down the encouragement and advices from others who helped me one way or another to pull through this.
and also, i hope whoever out there (be it the guy or the girl, although the following will be describing like it's for girls only, becoz it's my own experience mah...) feeling depress, helpless, heartbroken from a r/s could stand up soon... no matter how tough the break up is, remember you're not alone. So Stand Up Soon.

1. You're not alone

You can never imagine the number of people I spoke to in the last one month, the number of people who feel sad with me, who hugged me, brought me out, hear me cry on the phone, watched me rot on the bed, watched me walk around like a zombie, posted encouragements for me in Facebook, texted me. There are not only my family members, but my friends, colleagues but even strangers! this was said to me by many close friends "LOOK AROUND, YOU'RE NOT ALONE!"

and keep that in mind, whoever that accompanied me are not just singles... which means, it's not becoz they are Free / Lonely that's why they do it. family and friends care! I even have a friend who drove me around like a Chauffeur and I was crying on a friend's shoulder (who is the girlfriend) at the BACK SEAT. they didn't mind a bit at all...

TALK TO SOMEONE! DON'T CRY ALONE! IT'S CRUEL TO YOURSELF.

Don't feel despair. Don't feel like the world's ended. I know it's easier to say than to do it. But I felt it too. I felt like dying, in fact, I wanted to die.. I repeatedly asked myself "why? what went wrong? what can i do to bring him back?" I wanted to sleep and never wake up. I didn't want to eat, I didn't want to drink, I didn't want to move at all. I only wanted to cry and sleep and hoping I'll never open my eyes again.

You know what happened in the end? I got so depressed I fell so sick. I fainted a few times (becoz I never eat & drink mah... ), I vomitted every intake of food becoz of my gastric problem. I had fever and migraine, my low blood sugar problem acted up and I was god damn miserable... Did he return? No he didn't. He didn't even text to ask how are you feeling. He didn't even says I'm sorry for everything but I hope you'll get well soon. He wasn't even there! not physically, not emotionally! Whenever I text him to tell him how much I missed him, I received either No-Reply or I received a cold nasty reply that got me more worked up.

Where is the Love? My dear, there's no more love. When someone broke up with you giving you tonnes of explanation and excuses, he/she no longer loves you.

Of coz I'm not saying about those dramatic scenario like "he has a terrible illness and he left you for the better of you having himself suffers alone silently".

I'm talking about the scenario where he/she tells you "I think we're not compatible." / "I cannot forget my ex." / "I think we need to give each other space to grow and take things naturally." / "I want to forcus on career." / "I want to concentrate on studies." or worse, silent break ups.

And yeah, almost all the reasons above were his reasons to break up with me. And how did he break that news to me? By SMS. yes, I ain't lying. It's BY SMS. We talked only becoz I called him back immediately and I rushed down to see him immediately. Yeah, that was how courageous he was, to break up with me over an SMS. I wasn't even worth an effort to have my number dialed to be told of the break up. So why cry for a guy who choose such un-glam way of breaking up?

Don't ask me why. I could only think of One reason now, he was afraid of telling me he has a change of heart. (though what most people will say is I dun do it over phone / face to face becoz I dun wanna hurt her. Or becoz I dun wanna see her cry etc... Whatever, if that person cares, this won't even come.)

So back to the point, where was the person who promised he'll go through thick & thin with you when you needed him most?? Somewhere out there? Maybe singing K or drinking with a bunch of friends, smsing someone else, playing games or watching movies, simplest term - Having Fun. Finding ways to forget the fact that they just torn someone apart. Finding ways to escape. And what were you doing? Crying? Praying? Trying to find ways to turn back times? Where is the person when you're sufferring? Look around, who were the ones there?

my very personal experience - my dad & mum, my best friends, my sistas, my close friends, even our mutual friends. But Not Him...

You're Not Alone. You dun need him.. In fact, he wasn't even there. Cherish those who were there. Feel thankful for those who were there.

2. Love Yourself, Love those who love you true.

Don't make things difficult for yourself. Dun bother to sacrifice. He already has a change of heart what's makes you think He'll come back for the sacrifices you've made? Even if he do comes back how long could it last? Becoz he dun have a choice? Becoz he pity you? So no choice he needs to return to your side! That's not Love. honestly, when he doesn't loves you anymore, when he has someone elses in his heart, he won't care for you.

A friend, a mother of two, a very capable and positive woman, said this to me "No one is worth you hurting yourself for. No one is worth your tears. Men are like cockroaches, you can't get rid of them, but you can live without them."

Imagine this scene:
You died. Your family, your friends, every of your close ones weep at your funeral. He/She felt bad, guilty, miserable etc... 3 yrs down the road, he found someone new, got married, live happily ever after. He's moved on. Your family? still touching your photo, feeling that pain, asking themselves why were you so silly?

You think he really gonna die for the fact that you ended your life becoz of him and join you at the faraway land??? NO! So... dun hurt yourself. I know it's hard. Becoz I did too... And now that I see the light, i feel silly. what for? He wasn't nice to me at all during the break up. Nasty is the only word I can think of.

3. Protect yourself

Unless it is a mutual break up, If not there's no such thing as "Friends is the next best level to go to if we cannot remain as lovers". No way. At least Not at the moment. Pls, while you're trying to heal that deep wound in you, you need to learn how to become from Lovers to Friends overnight? Don't. Respect yourself. Why clinge on to someone who doesn't cherish you? Dun buy that stories of sometimes we could meet up for dinner and movies, sometimes if you wanna find a place to getaway you are always welcome at my place. Why give yourself that hope that one day you guys gonna fall in love again? What if you don't? And you have to look at him as his friend and one day he comes telling you "Hey, I think I like this girl etc....."

And yes, it happened to me. I was told by him that he wants that "attached but not attached, Single but not really single" kind of r/s. I was told he still enjoys my company but he don't wanna be attached. in another words, he dun wanna commit. he wanna have choices where he could continue finding someone "more suitable"... Pls! eventually if he don't, he comes back to you? Doesn't that makes you the spare tyre???

I actually gave in to what he wanted intially... then I realised, how miserable i was. How pathetic I was. I am a friend whom he claims he cares very much for. But when I needed him he will not be there! When I needed someone to talk to he wasn't even available! But when he needed me I stupidly went to him. When he was lonely, I will accompany him. Look, I wasn't even being treated as a friend if you noticed. I was not even given a respect as a friend...

He flirted with me when he wants to. He gave me cold shoulders when he was occupied. I was not a friend whom he cares. But a friend with benefits. And when I mention this, my "friend with benefits" does not mean Fuck Buddies (though I knw that's the actual meaning), but I meant a friend who could keep him occupied when he is lonely while he sources for someone who interests him more.

So protect yourself. There is no need to force yourself to do things for someone else. A friend doesn't makes you so miserable. None of my friends make me that miserable. He is the 1st one. So he's not even worth a friend's trust. Not until one day you could face him as a friend again.

4. Removal

I feel so much better when I dun check on him anymore. My best friend told me, the more you went to check out on someone, the more you know, the more miserable you are. Yes, do a clean up. Remove whatever that you saw and will bring tears to your eyes. I deleted his phone numbers, I deleted all his messages, photos on my phone and ipod (though i kept those on my computer in some folders that I would never check till one day I'm comfortable of deleting every memories), I chucked whatever things that reminds me of him into some corners and threw those that I dun need, I deleted all our photos on Facebook and I hide him away from the newsfeed. I actually can't quite remember his phone number already but I dun care. Remove him... Dun torture yourself. If he doesn't treats you well, U DON'T NEED him.

and yes, i stopped reading his profile. I stopped going to his Ex Gfs' blogs. I feel so much better.
I carry on with my life... I'm enjoying myself with my friends and family.

And I start healing my health. I take my medicines regularly (you know how much I hated meds!) so my gastric ulcers can slowly recover. I looked fresher, more cheerful now. I started planning things for myself. I planned a chalet gathering, I planned an overseas trip in Aug 2010, I planned an overseas hiking trip with a best friend in Nov 2010. You know all these... will never happen when I was with him. It takes ages for something to happen when you have to do it with him. Now I dun have to, I feel perfectly fine as well. Then I realised, with him or without him, it makes no difference in my life. In fact, I am more efficient. Or at least, back to the normal efficient me.

So move on. Let him be of no difference in your life. You dun have to live a better life, you dun have to curse him for a lousier life. Makes no difference. He makes no difference in your life. You are still the same you, cheerful and lovely. soon, there will be someone who admires you for who you are, who appreciate you for what you did. Don't frown, don't cry, because someone out there who cares for you more loves your smile.

5. Get a Hug.

Yes, get a hug from whoever close to you. your buddies, your girlfriends, your besties, your family members. Enjoy that... I am still seeking for and enjoying warm hugs from others who care for me. Just... Find a Hug. Find a shoulder. Enjoy the fact that you have so many who you can count on. And not some worthless guy who couldn't treat you right.

LOL. long entry... phew. Let's all give a big big hug!! haha=p Thanks for all who were there. I am so much happier now... And I hope whoever out there who's falling, or fell, pls stand up soon... Dun worry. Everything's gonna be fine when you stand up. It's not so bad after all. =)

がんばってね　見んなさん！=)

|by ~* Bunny *~ at 12:35 AM|

 

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