Friday, September 10, 2010
The Rabbit's Adventures continue......
As I promised! A proper entry on my thoughts and feelings! LOL. =p. Fun . Food .
Eat, Pray, Love! a lot of people said i was crazy and daring (I'm well known timid rabbit! extremely scared of darkness! hehe=p).. to travel and take a plane for the 1st time (yeah yeah, quite sua gu but true i really never had taken a plane before... lol.) and made this 1st time travelling alone. a lot of people asked me, isn't it weird etc etc... I don't feel so! I mean, sometimes it's really good to have urself all to urself and do things any ways you want and not needing to compromise anyone else. I had always been a giver, or so i thought... so this time, having to be a giver to myself only, having myself make my own decisions, just myself... feels.... amazing. many told me they are proud of me... becoz this is probably the 1st time I'm truly doing something for my sake and the 1st time I'm truly making decisions on my own. and yeah... i dun deny... all those incidents, really gave me much strength... so much to be myself once again.
anyway, in Taiwan there's this bank's advertisement running on TV very frequently. About this girl who shops alone, dines alone, travel alone etc etc.. she was on the phone with her friend when she commented “一个人很奇怪吗？不会啊！”
I felt exactly like what she mentioned... except that... I really really hope I could stay in Taiwan longer!!!!!!!!!!! yah, damn it, my trip was only 5 days becoz it was planned a little too last minute. LOL.
Anyway... before Taiwan I went KL for 2 days.
Day 1 - Stay a Sista Janet's place. and many thanks to Janet's mother who drove us around!! 1st day was High Tea at this Cafe name Delicious, Shopping at OneUtama, then followed by a nice western dinner at.... ermmm... I dunno where. LOL.
Day 2 - KL was absolutely fabulouso! After a super yummy prawn mee for breakfast, we took MRT train on our own and went to Aquaria!! LOL. yeah... it's just like Underwater world but I really really enjoyed myself looking at those amazing fishes and animals living in the sea... it was awesome! Then dinner in a nice cozy restaurant =)
Day 3 - Set off real early to KL airport for my 10am flight to Taiwan. Thanks to Janet's Mum who helped me booked the taxi service to airport! =) Was a little anxious yet excited! lol. But I really really love that independent feel. it was... perfect! Met this very nice Taiwanese Uncle Auntie couple on the plane. They sat beside me... and they really made my flight alone to Taiwan less scary =) Though we didn't talked much, but that short conversation really made me feel safer. There's many friendly and nice people in Taiwan. In my whole Taiwan trip, I came across already 2 aunties who talked to me and told me what cautions to take, just like talking to a daughter. sweeeetttt.... we are strangers, but friendly strangers.
Anyway, I guess I'll probably not gonna to list out all the way till Day 7. If not I'm gonna bored all of you reading here! LOL. haha=p I visited Taipei 101, and Shida Night Market on the 1st day. 2nd day was visits to LongShan Temple, Sogo Shopping Centres, Zhong Xiao Dun Hua Areas (where I went Ding Tai Fung for dinner!! Yeah!!) and Ximending. 3rd day was to 小人国 (themepark) and Wufenpu... 4th was the most amazing where I made my way to 九份 (Jiu Fen) and Shilin Night Market!! Sadly, last day becoz I need to check out from Hostel and too much luggages, I only hang around Taipower Station areas and then down to airport. Alright, I dunno if the orders of visits are correct but nevertheless, I enjoyed myself so truly at all these places! And looks on the Taiwanese people faces when I replied "Yes I came here alone"... PRICELESS. I just... overnight... felt so proud of myself. LOL.
can't bare to leave but have to. For some particular reasons, I kept having an urge to find jobs overseas... so that I can work on achieving my passions and goals.. especially setting up the business. sigh! but sadly, the cruel reality of constraints has to hold me back for the time being...
. Laughters . Tears . Dreams .
these few days, strange thoughts and feelings have been popping up again. I mean... it's just strange. NOT negative. sometimes I find it very hard to control certain feelings in me... Maybe to some people, being a more sensitive person is being a saddist to them. but to me, being more sensitive is a strength of mine. it's a unique trait of mine I supposed... I mean... I supposed I'm actually being loved for this.
anyway, I had sudden thoughts of life cycle... it gave me goosebumps. Have you ever wonder? Why was 'life cycle' ever created? I see myself from being a kid to a teenager, to an adult and I visualise myself growing old... I visualise my love ones like my parents as kids to who they are right now. isn't it how amazing human changes and aged? So what happen when someone leaves us in this world... do they just sleep and wake up one day continuing their life in another world that we'll never knew until we reach the same point? or does the person just sleep on and on? I made myself imagine a world where I no longer exists, then where will I be?
And the most frightening issue is not exactly where will I be... But will I be in a place with my love ones again? Will I be in a place where I look at a middle age couple and call them "Papa, Mummy" and a place where I'll protect my siblings, where I'll hang out with my friends, where I fall in love again and again?
I know to most, you will be thinking "wah lau, this rabbit is thinking tooooo much AGAIN!" but agree with me, isn't it how amazing we're being decided (or fated, whatever you call it) to be placed together and experience feelings like happiness, sadness, pain, anger, love and everything?
I dunno why but this feelings brought me to tears.. I am really really blessed with a perfect family. A family that although may weigh heavily on my shoulders, yet a family I want to protect so dearly. I've a daddy who'll gossip, talk about electronics with me, support me and told me never to give up. I've a mummy who'll pack lunch nicely for me to work whenever possible, endure my nonsense and bad temper, joke with me and teach me stuffs... a mummy more soft hearted and kind hearted than anyone I ever knew.. And I have a elder bro who I always respected, someone who shows me nothing should ever get us down, and two sisters who are always there and show me nothing ever tear us apart... And I'm blessed with tonnes of amazing friends who never left me alone in time of difficulties, nice colleagues during all my jobs and wonderful people who were and are part and parcel of my life, who lent me a hand when I need a gentle pull...
And these made me wonder... why were there so many people who never understood the word 'cherish'... and who can't get along with people, with their own family.. and who find faults in every little thing to upset themselves and everyone else? Some stuffs are really minor, do we really need to get angry over it and hurt those around them, including being a part of 'having a bad day' of strangers? and I encountered before customers who called in and behaving extremely nasty for some basic ridiculous issues..
Anyway, Two days later, I went back to office and saw this email... "Our colleague xxxxxx has passed away........" Everyone in my department work pretty closely in one way or another. I heard of this guy, I never seen him before I guess... came across emails of compliments and complaints about him, saw his name in whose and whose team list etc etc... And I found out, he passed away suddenly. I know to many of you may think "aiyah, you dun even know this colleague so shouldn't feel that bad lah." but hell no. I felt... a little pain and kinda sad... Maybe not particularly towards him.. But to imagine if this ever happened to someone closer...
sigh, i dunno. guess I was a little affected and shocked. life is so fragile... It just gave me a responsibility of cherishing every moment even more. appreciating whoever that came across in my life...
. Love .
I'm moving on very well now... though i admit i dun wanna know anything abt him anymore and waiting for the day I cld have nothing to do with him. Looking back on 28 June 2010, I almost destroy myself over a guy who never really loved me as he has claims to be. How silly could that be? I dun deny he's still the one I loved most and yet who gave me the most painful experience of my life... I saw myself secretly loving him for almost a year, to being his and so deeply in love, to being rejected just like one of shirts he no longer wants to wears.. From loving deeply to hating him to feeling neutral, from regretting knowing him to being thankful to have known him and him giving me up... I was cursing so much when I thought he's not returning what was owed.. to this point I am like... "whatever lah.. if he can return will be good, if not then I'm just pure unlucky lor..." Now I see that it was mainly not him not wanting to, but he's just not capable enough to.
Ah Li jie jie is right... no point upsetting yourself over something you can earn back.. If he could betray his conscious to do such a thing, then he's just proving you're better off without him.. For he is not even a reliable and capable person to being with. And when one day anyone asks you about him, you will speak nothing but the truth. He can lie to millions of people, but he and you both know the Truth and the truth that he can't lie to.
sounds very chim hor? After ah li jie jie said this to me... or rather something similar lah... I had been thinking about it for days... yeah, why bother feeling upset over something I could earn back when he's enjoying playing more lies to some others? I should be grateful I see the true colours and better off without a burden and not being part of his lies plan anymore.
coming to the topic of lies... He may not have lied his love for me but He's started lying to me since our Day 1... Day 1 when he wanted me to be his yet he couldn't break off with his Ex becoz he claims of not wanting to hurt her during her exam period and destroy her education.. Then found out the truth beneath this Mr-Nice-Guy lie was that he was staying at her place and he couldn't break up if not he doesn't have a room to stay. And the lies of him going drinking alone and stories about his past relationships. I lived with the guilt of being a 3rd party and hated myself for not being able to control the love for him and held on firmly till he cleared his mess with another girl... then I realised the problem was not just on me but the fact he couldn't have his heart stick to one... and when he left me... the truth besides the excuses he came up with... was he was in love with someone else.
And I really never understood why...... I still love him that much.
I used to believe we both have a special bond... then I realised that special bond was created by me to him and so I could feel him so strongly.. it wasn't a mutual special bond, it was a one-sided special bond to make him feel loved.
Again, I really still never understood why, I love him that much.
He once told me that one of my Ex-es was not the right guy. I asked him if I'd found the right guy this time round... He told me "as right as it could ever be"... Of so many texts he sent me, this was one I could never forget. I once agreed with his sentence and believed he was the man of my life... And now, I'll still agree with his sentence that I've found the right guy... you know what I meant? He really strengthen me overnight.
Alright I dunno if my postings above gonna made anyone feels that I am being defensive or whatever... I just wanna make my point across to girls who think like how i used to be... There's no point holding on and torturing yourself with anyone, or even thoughts of anyone. And that 'anyone' who is ever worth your life, will not put ur through the pains of thoughts.
just like the famous saying goes "No one is worth your tears, the one who is will not make you cry." of coz, when we mentioned cry in this phrase, it's Not tears of Joy. lol.
I shared my experience, thoughts and feelings of this relationship, was not to prove anyone I was Right or I was a victim or to put him down... But for those who's finding life hard to get by after getting out a relationship. Every thing happens for a reason... and this pain of loving him happened on me for a reason and got me stronger.. of coz i dun deny i feel like shit keeping everything to myself so I decided to release it on my blog since I dunno who and how to pour out my feelings out... then again, this blog is all abt me so it's all my thoughts and emotions...
anyway, as i said... so dun give life a hard time. be strong though I know it's hard. as every pain that we survived from, made us stronger.
And of coz... for those who's stupidly like how I used to be, waiting for him to love you back again is pointless. move on and find urself deserving someone better. of coz if he's meant to be he'll be... (alright for my case it's not lah huh... at least I'm pretty sure becoz no matter what aspects I look at, it's really better off for me without him lah... lol.)
Honestly speaking still, If one day I could turn back time and live my life again, I will still choose to fall in love with him. even if it meant I need to go through the pain like this again. Because my love was true and true love is hard to come by... Even though I know his love may not be as true lah huh... but at least for me to truly love someone... I never truly loved anyone except for that particular two guys.
And while I'm enjoying and cherishing every moment, I silently pray for one day I'll meet this special someone who look at love the same way as I do.. =) Of coz, who can provide more for me! hehehehehe=p
Hakuna Matata!!
|by ~* Bunny *~ at 9:25 PM|
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
< Home>