Thursday, July 15, 2010
Confusions...
it's been 2 interesting weeks where i encountered things that I haven't encounter for a long period of time. met many strangers who approached me, talked to me.. randomly. and is juz a passerby thing... then i realised, while I was with Timmy, I overlooked many many meaningful things around me. i became so particular abt small little stuffs and i didn't see the 'good-ness' of things... which was never me. I am always the 算了啦 kind of person... what happened during the last few mths?I rmb I always love 'preparing for the worst', something he hated most. but I forgotten about it so totally. I just wanted to love him... and I forgotten to prepare myself from getting hurt - the worst.
today, i spoke to this auntie from this beauty parlor. she was complimenting on my looks etc... then I talked to her about changed of jobs and environment. she said this "you're still so young and beautiful. you'll only be young once. Go for it. Jia you and dun give up. I was once your age and I had the same confusion, but I never regretted. It may be extremely tough when you change your direction and give up your comfort zone, but it's the 1st step to something you'll never regret."
thank you. for giving me such a courage, a courage to a stranger...
came home early today. after 2 long days of activities. supper with Jenn and Uncle Tony, sleep, then Yoga class and hang out with Janet in the afternoon, then K-session and supper with bestie... then sleep 2 hours, meet Sista Ariel to the bank and then afternoon lunch... then to facial.... finally home again. omg. LOL.
but... in the past, at this timing, at 10pm, if he ain't working I'll be hanging ard in his room chatting and watching DVD while he plays game... or I'll be back for 2nd off if he's working. I miss those times. does he miss them too? where he has someone bugging him.. sometimes, doing up a last min steamboat in his room.
yesterday was our 8th month anniversary... if he didn't had a change of love for me. or rather... if Tiggy had return from Taiwan... (i knw it's only 8mths... but every mth meant alot to me)
coincidentally... the day he left me to climb out of the dark pit on my own was 28 June... was... one of the dates i never wish to rmb... a date to do with a previous abusive r/s i nv wish to recall.
so many people... told me he is not worth my love. told me he's not true. told me he's a cheater. even someone who knows him well told me he only do and say things for a moment. some told me he's useless, at this age he still didn't know how to cherish and think for his future. some told me to forget abt this bastard, he did it to LZ, he did it to me, he never knew what is the meaning of love and cherish. out of 10, 10 told me he's not worth my love and tears...
did they say it becoz they meant it? becoz 旁观者亲 so they know? or becoz they pity me, they care for me and just wanted me to forget?
till the very last moment, he still tells me dun listen to others... especially fortune tellers etc.. then shld i listen to him? won't i be so stupid to believe someone who never really meant what he said?
Ariel dear and auntie said, he's saying those things to cover his guilt. who on earth would say "hey dun believe what I said"? 他们说Timmy只是在为自己铺后路... if he has nothing one day, he will still has a silly bunny who choose to believe him and stood by him.
他有大家说得那么差劲吗？
My Karma? Becoz I had so many BFs but I never truly fall in love before. so now, this is my punishment?
I fell deeply in love twice. 1st time to a wrong guy... 2nd time to someone who claims to be my Mr Right but never knew how to cherish a r/s...
i wish to believe him... but i didn't know how to. at this point of time, the feeling towards him is love and hate. i miss him yet i never want to see him again... I love him yet I never wld want to return to his side again. never.
my bros said he'll never admit or tell me the truth.... as guy's opinion.
but Timmy if you ever read my blog... I really want nothing but the truth. why the sudden change after Taiwan? why hold me back when I wanted a break up and later dumped me? why put me thru what LZ has went through.... for ur pride? for ur winning? why the hope for something you never understood? why me to be your victim of your testing? And I want the Truth when you no longer love me...
and if you ever could, pls teach me how to be as selfish as you, as heartless as you. pls teach me how to forget like what you did? teach me how to treat everything like they never once happened, never once meant anything to you? pls teach me how not to shed a tear for hurting someone. pls teach me how you made someone believe in you and crush everything. pls teach me how to be such a capable jerk.
what comes around goes around. I believe something in Karma Timmy. you used so many excuses to chase me off... you made ur problems our problems to be excuses of break up... u hurt me... so deeply...
Confusions... I Loved you... Now I miss you... and I hate you... I dunno if I ever could forgive someone like you. or I dunno if I could ever forget you... I hope you got your karma, yet I don't want you to get hurt. I dun want you to feel down at all...
confusions. I love u and I hate u. confusions.
I did a small survey... and we noticed the same thing. Tiggy & Bunny photos before his trip and after his trip was very different. our photo after his trip... were lacked of love and chemistry... Tiggy really did not return from Taiwan.
我希望你不要在伤害我了，也不要再骗我了。也希望你对我的爱是真的。更希望你做了这个选择过后，不要因为寂寞而伤到其他人...
confusions... I wish I could fall into a Coma now... I wish I could just lose my memory. I wish when Tiggy left, he brought bunny with him... I wish I never knew Thomas, Timmy, Yong Mun... whatever.
|by ~* Bunny *~ at 9:01 PM|
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