.fun.laughters.tears.dreams.food.love.

Closing down??

2011-03-15T05:11:00.003+08:00

Geez.... I haven't upated for so damn long i almost forgotten my UserID and PW to login to my blogger a/c! LOL.

anyway, I have been wanting to blog... with all the nice photos and interesting stuffs taken a collated.. but everytime i reached here, my mind just blank out.. ya know, like miracally poof! blank out. totally.

I guess.... i've forgotten my purpose of blogging....

and...... I've been dreaming too much about him. it's affecting me. badly. then i realised i haven't been doing something which i shld lately. anyway, life's been toooooo hectic!

i gonna revamp the whole blog. i guess, i shld lah. since i've been collating so much good stuffs and my passion of blogging is still burning strong.

LOL. my dearest cousin Jaylene says - Blogging is Sharing.
So I'm doing a good deed huh if i will to do so?

whatever.

LOL... anyway, stay tune. (may take a while while though.... oops!)

Geez! Before goodbye, let's pray for Japan...
things ain't looking too good. it breaks my heart everytime i read the news. I didn't even dare to watch those online videos of the disaster. it scares me... and it upset me real badly. I've always love Japan since young, in terms of their lovely scenery and classy culture... I really hope all is fine and well for Japan. after all, I do badly wana visit it one day.
Pls pls pls, I pray that whatever the radiation danger thingy is to be resolved asap and everyone in Japan to be safe and sound.

Sudden Shoutout

2010-12-23T22:15:00.002+08:00

我还是很想念他...

虽然我已经不在他的心中的某个角落逗留，

但他却不停地在我心里

留下伤口......

原来心痛真的很难受。

我会好好地过......

Out of Cities

2010-12-09T05:53:00.019+08:00

woah, new look for my blog! not totally done though. Finally. LOL. I stayed awake the whole night just to make simple changes to my blog becoz I dun have Photoshop so I was using Paints & Microsoft Powerpoint to edit the photos!! not so bad huh?

Went for another holiday last month! To that beautiful Sabah! Sabah is a Eastern part of Malaysia, previously known as Borneo. Of coz, it's well known for the famous Mt. Kinabalu! So this time, after so many years!! Bestie Via (also one of my climbing pal) and I decided to visit Borneo and conquer Mt. Kinabalu!!

Oh, for those who didn't know... I used to climb. As in Rock Climbing and Hiking. For quite a couples of years from Primary School to Poly... Pls hor, dun tell me I dun look like the sporty sort. I just dun look as tonned now becoz I put on weight as I grows! hahahahaha! alrighty, shameful confession - I just didn't exercise enough lah.

Sadly... I got hit with rashes after a Night Shift in Office, right one day before my trip!!!!!!!! Sigh!

Pretty bad huh?

14 - 18 Nov 2010 - The Mountain & The Beach, The beauty of the mother nature

We reached Sabah on the 14th Nov 2010 Evening and started the climb on 15 Nov 2010 Morning... So here we go, all fresh and excited!

The sky was quite misty becoz we're going uphill. I didn't know the starting point was actually not at the normal land level.

Oh did I mentioned? Even though we're at the start point it was already cold. That explains the huge thick windbreaker!

Damn. It was really not EASY at all. I wonder which guru told me Kinabalu is easier than Ophir? it's only 1.5km and I thought I was miles away. LOL.

Resting point! And never fails to forget a shot of the process!

I love the smell of the trees and sky... but it was flights of stairs one after another! grrr..

Guest Appearance. Actually, there was many of them running around scrumbling for food.

Naturally crafted stairs, it's basically steps of rocks and trucks and some man-made planks to stop the soil from eroding into a straight slope.

Poccari Sweat Powder and Ribena Gummies were my Life Saviours!

Beautiful flowers growing in climate with temperature of maybe like 10 degC?

Love this photo. Joo said it's very post card feel. it was an amazing clear blue sky.

We reached 6km before 5pm to have dinner and rested in the dorms provided. Woke up again at 1.30am and started the remaining climb at 2am with a much lighted backpack (we kept almost everything in the dorm!) and a torchlight in my right hand.

Sun Rise! Sabah's sunrise is at about 6.05am? This shot was taken before 6am though! Love it! The tough climb was all worth it when we saw such amazing view.

That was the summit at 8.7km. I took this when I was at 8.5km?

There's a reason why I was named the rabbit/bunny since young. My Bak-Gay! Anyway, temperature was below 10 degC during the night! It was so so so cold I didn't dare to brush teeth after I experienced frost bitten hands from washing my hands!

Bunny, Jojo our Mountain Guide and Bestie Via.

I love the 2nd half of climb! Basically as long as I get to climb rocks I'm be so smitten by it! Some parts were pretty steep and dangerous though. But I really really love that feel of being in control of myself.

Phew, reached the ending point at 2.15pm. Not even half dead, but ALMOST DEAD! We were exhausted!! and WTH! there I saw this score board of disgusting results of the Climbathon 2009. Salute! The fastest record was 2hrs 40min for a climb that took a normal person like me 1 full day! gosh, did this guy just teleported himself up and down?

YEAH!!! We've got our Cert!!!!

hahaha! After the climb was 2 days of full body massage! we were hurting so much we can barely walk! The Hot foot bath was the best to relax the tensed and sore feets! And I supposed you could see the rashes on my left knee... The rashes didn't go away for more than 1 week!

17th Nov 2010

We went to this amazing beach at Sapi Island!! OMG, the scenaries were amazing!

eh.... I slept enough. In fact I slept very well in Sabah... But I can't explain the puffy eyes and super seh face!

Yeah it's Sunny day!!!!!!! =)

My Red (and looks like Orange) Waterproof OceanPack! I Love it to ccccoooorrrreeeee!

See what I meant? The View was AWESOME.

And the seawater was SUPER CLEAN & CLEAR!

I really had lots of fun there in Sabah. I Love the place and I definitely will go back there again. The only sad thing was I fell and hit the rock and injured my left knee. And I came home with a swollen and bruised.......

Toe... read till the end. You'll understand the seriousness of this toe injury that dun look so serious to you. hehehehe...

My Love for Porn...

Now what are you thinking??! LOL

Amazing Thai Tom Yam soup at Porn's!!

It's a Thai restuarant establish by this local Artist Pornsak Prajakwit, located at Liang Seah street. It's a pretty busy place though... Food were great and I love it all but price is a little on the steep side though...

And the mango sticky rice was...... VA VA Voom!

Me and my Twin - Siying! LOL.

we're called twins becoz my name used to be Jennifer when I was younger and Siying's English name IS Jennifer. Though I've changed name for a couple of years, till now the darling girls are still not used to calling me Rikka. and they still go like "Jennnnnnnnnn......" when they saw me. LOL.

The always Stylish in the most toot spectables.

Joo san!

Now Focus on Me and not on my Black Sesame Cream!

Fujifilm Instax Mini 25!!

I FINALLY GOT MY POLAROID!!! After like considering for probably more than a year already?! I decided to get it after I went out with Bestie Cara that day and she let me try out! Heard from Bestie that Mini 25 is no longer in production thus it's very hard to find in SG.

So I very luckily got a very good bargain from Gmarket and got it shipped it from Korea!!! Bought the Beautiful Wine Colour Case and 80pcs films from the same seller at much discount!

And it comes with a pink leather handheld strap for the Case
(quite good quality lor! and I think he sells it for $15.90)

My Other possession and an add-on to the Camera family! Alright the Black-pink one belongs to Joo and Mine's the black-orange one. It's a 3 Lens Lomo camera!

I Love cameras and recently I kinda fall for Lomo Cams. Think they're so adorable and the photo efftects are really artistic! Hope I got more money to buy More!! LOL.

Anyway, I was surprised! I thought I was about to get a good nag from Papa when he saw me receiving parcels for my online purchase of cameras. Yet he was, ermm... as well, fascinated with my new possessions and even supported my ideas of buying more cameras! LOL. I was telling Papa I wanna get a DSLR when I save enough... and my Papa kept saying "Good good, go and buy!" and went on to tell me he ACTUALLY used to have those professional camera and lenses back then and sold off for thousands over bucks becoz need to raise money to give birth to us!!! hahaha! OMG! I was like... if my papa never sell off his cameras, we probably can fetch a good price on the antique! hahahaa! Anyway, My papa is like my khaki when it comes to electronics and furnitures. Somehow, papa had passed on the same genes and interests to me. LOL.

There I saw a friend looking online on this Colourful Pentax DSLR and I was too, attracted by its wide range of colours. Can I add this to my birthday wishlist????? LOL.

Oh Vincent Vincent, How handsome art thou!

Came across this website - http://www.paperus.com.sg/ selling bottle plants for Office folks as they requires minimal attention, yet at the same time beautify up your boring desk and generate some fresh Oxygen for those buried in the heavy stuffy workload! I fell in love with Vincent! But ermmm... the price... looks like Vincent's queue gonna be pretty far away.. =(

I went crazy the other day and decided to do something to spice up my life after the lovely climb. I went to do gel extension and 3D nail arts at MySpa!! The manicurist, Aini, is really cool! Though I love the length and how good the Manicurist is by moulding all these cute 3Ds, I hate the situation of my hair getting tangled in those 3Ds!

Now you see what I meant? The injury was bad! My whole toe nail turned black! The bruise and swell was so bad that after I came back to SG, the pain got worse and I couldn't walk very well. It felt like the nail fell off and it's hanging on the tip! but nahz, my nail is still intact. Now it's slowly healing though it's close to a month and it's still black =(

geez.. Time for a visit to Bestie Prabha in JB!

Tick Tock Tick Tock Tick Tock....

2010-11-01T03:31:00.019+08:00

Rikka the Bunny did not go MIA (Missing-in-Action)! lol.

been so packed with so many activities!

卓医师对我说：“开心也得过一天，难过也得过一天，那不如开开心心过着每一天?”

If I didn't rmb wrongly, she isn't the first who said this to me before. However, this was often forgotten. I'm still changing, maybe growing you could say. =p

Anyway, we never knew what's gonna be like tomorrow and I just dun wanna miss any chances of seeing smile on faces and hearing laughters. One overseas trip, many hangouts and movie dates, many gatherings and L4D games and I'm still hoping for life to goes on like this..... =) And I'm glad at least for this current moment, my Life's maintaining like how it shld be:

01 Oct 2010 - Happy Children's Day!
I always love children's day when I was a kid because we get small gifts from the teachers! lol. and now I still love children's day only that I am hopping I could live like a child again, roaming around the playground, stress- free. =)

The company I am working with decided to reward us with a trip to Universal Studio Singapore!

My USS tickets! One that I went with Bestie Via on 14 Sept 2010 and the other with the Citi pals!

The Treasure Hunt Game with my team... We were supposed to win!! but all becoz of a Macadascar Show... lol.

Free & Easy with my Clique!

Pussy from Shrek! I always love his innocent eyes... awwwww..... Via Via Khoo with her Gigi. And my favourite Fatbo!

Thanks to Jia Min who bought this photo and scanned it for us! The 1st shot of our Mummy Ride! and I love love love the Mummy Ride! =D

LOL. My toe nails! Love going to JB to get my nails done. it's cheaper and equally nice doing nails there! Mine's done at a Nail Palour @ Plaza Pelangi. When I'm back from my Kinabalu climb I shall go do my finger nails!!!! =p

Our Reto Polaroid Shots! Showing off hairbands we bought from Ms Ireen's shop at Jalan Dhoby.

Sista Janet is very into dramatic accessories lately..... lol.

Our Ms Ireen's Handmade Rings! all made with buttons. cute isn't it? best thing is it's only RM8. And I'm so in Love with mine.

Roost Juice Bar - It's a very retro yet comfortable cafe at Jalan Dhoby. I fell in love instantly the 1st time Sista brought me there.

They serve Nice Western food! but the best part isn't the dishes, it's their drinks!!! I ordered Strawberries Trips - it's an ice blend with Yorgurt, Strawberries, apple juice and banana (which of course I asked the staff to exclude the Banana!! well, i dun like the smell of banana.... lol.) And I thought it's really unique that they serve the drinks in a pail!

Dinner Gathering at Shokudo Raffles City Shopping Centre with Sista Janet, Mai Mai, Jit and Leonard. The girls wanted to play with the neoprint machine, the guys dun have a choice and got dragged to do so. And we had lots of fun doing the vainy actions. LOL.

Meet Up with the boys - Gerald, Mark, Jia Lun, Jia Rong, Yong Qiang. My brothers from the mentorship =) Sadly Andre and Kang couldn't make it. Anyway, Sista Janet, together with us went to Hand Burger at Raffles City Shopping Centre (again! LOL.) for Dinner. After that was the usual Tau Huay Dessert at Princep Street then a L4D game at Chambers.

My Dory Fish Burger and the Corny Soup! The portion is so big I couldn't finish it at all. But the soup was awesome! =)

One night I managed to pull a buddy of mine, CK, to go shopping with me at Vivo City! LOL. Well he hasn't got work to do and we are both waiting for Mai Mai and the rest for gaming @ Chamber so I thought I could ask him to join me to hunt for my Paris Bijourx Bracelet!

Sigh.... Talking of Paris Bijourx makes me boils! I bought this bracelet with a lovely white crane and a diamond 'R' charms at USS and I lost it after wearing it for less than 1 DAY!!!! =( yeah as usual the careless me.... I love it so much and I paid abt $60 (okie, with a $25 voucher given by the company) for it... sigh! sigh! sigh! I searched from internet and saw that there's a Paris Bijourx shop at Vivo and thought maybe I could get a same one there, yet just to realise the shop is not there anymore =( so I gonna find a chance to get myself into USS again to buy my bracelet. sobs!

We ended up having dinner at Marche @ VivoCity! I love the ambience....

Ice Cream and My favourite Strawberries on a crepe!! It's simply awesome and sinful! LOL.

A goldfish eye shot with an app in Iphone.

The Cow is Reserved??

I Love the lightings... The lamps in Marche makes it very Europeanish...

My Tiara Pinky from SimplyToys @ Vivo! Love it and bombed me!

One day, my khaki at work whom I call her the Elephant Skin / Monster Wang - Wang Juan Mei told me that we should meet up for lunch before work so both of us could be early for work and we could sit nearby each other to make the work more fun. I instantly agreed with her and arranged to meet her and another khaki ah boon for lunch at Orchard the next day, before work at 4pm.

Lunch & Gossip Session at Wasabi Tei @ Far East Plaza! I always love this jap restaurant coz the food is fabolouso!

Recently, Mai Mai craze for the candy machine at the arcade is back so again, the office has a box filled with candies and tibits, complimentary from Mai Mai...

These are what we picked out from her bag! Reserved all for ourselves only! LOL.

Tora! Doesn't it rings a bell? My childhood favourite! and you can hardly see this selling anymore. When I was young I call it Tikam Tikam becoz the Tora box comes with Choco balls and a toy! so you never know what kind of toys are in there. I remember another Tikam Tikam which I preferred is the dark blue box with the Doraemon look-alike print! I forgotten the name of it. haha! anyway, this Tora box came with a yellow colour plastic Ocarina! Interesting!

Supper after work is one of our favourite activities. As the clique works the weird shift hours, the only thing we can do is eat or play L4D games.... LOL. So there we go, Coffee Club @ Wheelocks Orchard!

Candid!

oh gosh... what's via via khoo doing????

Lovely desserts for supper = The Double S-es... SUPER SINFUL!!

Elephant Skin and I decided to shall the country Pie and mud pie and the rose bud tea! Love them!

I dun remember I had taken any photos with Elephant before... so here at Coffee Club! haha!

Oh... I went shopping at Sephora @ Takashimaya and Isetan @ Wisma one day while waiting for CK to join me to meet Mai Mai and the rest for L4D game as usual... And there I burned a hole in my pocket...... lol!

Eyelash Essence & Nail Polish from Ettusais @ Isetan Wisma (I took the nail polish becoz I didn't have a choice! It was the lowest price item for me to top up my purchase to earn my stamps! Girls!! faint... ) Body Scrub from Sephora and a Strawberry Naval Ring from Isetan! I love it! =D

This is the body scrub I've got from Sephora... I wanted something minty and the Sephora promoter says this is the only scrub with a bit of minty feel. I like the smell and texture though... it's very moisturing and doesn't makes you feel oily.... But the minty effect ain't really there I thought. But after the use, it does makes your skin really smooth.

Heme Facial Wash! I only wanted to try a cheaper facial wash to save on my cash and I bought this from Watson coz I thought this smells great. Turn out I love the wash! It's smooth foamy with some bits in it that gives gentle exfoliating. Apple smell I thought... and after washing your face it gives a very 'clean' feeling yet doesn't make your skin feels tight/dry. I am in love with this SGD9.90 facial wash!

They decorated the office with Halloween balloons for the Race event! And I love the pumpkin balloon.... round and bouncy! LOL.

31 Oct 2010 - Sunday

Happy Halloweeeeeeeeennnnn!!!!!!!!!! I didn't wanna do nothing this halloween and I dun wanna dress up and hit the clubs and I never celebrated one before. So I thought I could do a simple gathering. I instantly took up the suggestion when Sista Janet came to me and said " Sista can we go Night Safari and scare ourselves together????!!!"

My Pumpkin torch!! CUTEEEEEE isn't it? I got it for 3 bucks at Halloween Horror @ Safari!

My Essentials! It was a really wise choice to bring my 1L bottle of water and my cute mini hand fan to queue for the haunted house in the Zoo.

Human Head buns??? I kind of pity the guy who has to stay in the tray for hours!

I dragged buddy CK to take this scary shot together... Stiff smile coz I was pretty frightened by the stare from the girl.... errrr.....

Mai Mai, Sista Janet, Elephant and Me! I dunno what's with my "geeeerrr" smile. LOL.

Someone trying to act Macho to his GF. (FYI it's Via via Khoo's BF ah boon) LOL.

Thanks to Uncle Tony who paid $20 for this lovely group photo!! Took this outside the Haunted Mansion...

LOL!!! Epic. After I removed my foundation I thought I looked really pale I could really pass off as a devil's girl! then I realised it kinda ermmmmm........

Anyway, pending for more photos from Jia Min's pro camera... LOL.

Tricks or Treat? Treat from a Usual Cabby Uncle who came to fetch me from work one night!!

Capri-Sonna! Have you drank it before? I Love this drink since young! Strawberry flavoured of coz! And a paper crane to make my day =)

Bunny may sucks at drawing but I do love artistic stuffs... and this is one shot I took with my Iphone App at Coffee Club which I kinda love the effect...

Hello Everybody! My Name is Rikka! lol...

Did you realise my hair is getting longer? LOL. I decided to keep long hair for a while... After many years of short hair styles!

Thanks to Iphone Polaroid App! LOL.

Alrighty! Photos Update Completed! haha =p

been thinking of him... Which I know I shouldn't. somehow, he never left my mind, he never left my heart. and I guess some corners of my heart I probably still Love him. But everything is history and it gotta be impossible... Whether anot if one day I am lucky enough to have him come back to me, I will not go back to someone like him anymore. I know if besties and sistas knew abt this, they gonna scold me stupid. But I guess when one truly loves someone, no matter what they did, it's never easy to let go. One or two drops of tears still roll at the thought of him.. recollections of our happy times and torture moments. the facts of what he had lied about and the money he still owes me... love it and hate it.

My heart still aches very much.. silently. I never dare to tell anyone how much I am still hurting in me becoz of him... I mean, I love my life now. I love having a group of supportive friends and family, being who I am, organising events and stuffs, being financially more relaxed, travelling around etc but something is still lacking.

Tomorrow is not for me to tell but I dunno how I could love again. or rather, I probably never knew how to love. silly.

In fact... I think I am afraid to fall in love.

And I shiver at the thought of Marriage. beats me.

I dunno if I am hurting becoz he left me (which shld be a very relief thing for me...) or becoz of what he did & said during the whole break up.

Of so many things that happened and I couldn't remember a single bit, for one particular scene I can't forget.... even though I very much want to...

I remember him in Jean and green t-shirt. A little high from the alcohol, holding me in his arms beneath a void deck near my block... he described to me how we could travel and eat all the nice food when time stops... when I told him "I wish Time stops now.... so I could be in your arms forever, smiling."

I miss you. And I never once lied about my love for you......

I hope you're happy with her. But on top of this I hope we can have a clean cut soon. it's disgusting when you haven't clear your own shit.

sigh. See! I dun even know my feelings towards him. too complex. I only know I've been praying that I dun see him anymore. Love and Hate. It's complicating and it's contradicting! I wonder if I have split personality man. LOL.

Anyway, Rikka is going strong! I'm Miss Power, Mighty BunnY! LOL.

我的小妹Jace今天对我说: "噪音与音乐只是一线之差。" 我不认同但却觉得挺有趣的。

Red Ribbon is moving slow. I wish I could quit my job but for my plans to travel Bangkok and Taiwan again next yr, I gotta Tahan!!!

Good night all! =D

UGLY

2010-09-28T14:34:00.003+08:00

wow, I am amazed by how humans know how to paint a beautiful picture to everyone to cover up his own ugliness.

I am amazed by how clever one could be to make the victim the murderer, and the murderer the victim.

But I guess that's the reason why there's such things as Law and Justice.

But no matter what a lie is a lie, you can go about all pains to make your lies work for people to believe you but that just goes to show how coward you are needing to lie for people to believe you.

I always said I believe in Karma, what goes around comes around.

I supposed I've gotten my own karma for a silly mistake I'd once made. So I believe it.

If being truthful is stupid then I rather be stupid. If being real is letting yourself being taken advantages of by your friends, then I rather I live to be who I am and let myself be taken advantages of. Ultimately, I knew I live my life knowing what kind of person I exactly am.

And it's just too much sadness and too pitiful to live your life needing to create lies for people to love you, to hang out with you and to think you're nice.

It's just too cowardy, too pitiful.

Sad to say, I can't help but feel sorry for you. Having a life filled with lies, it must be tough. Create whatever stories you like to on me, seriously, I am who I am and I dun need to lie about what you did or I did.

Get a life please, not get lies to get a life.

Happily Ever After

2010-09-26T06:59:00.014+08:00

Good Morning to all! =D

It's a bright sunny Sunday morning and I am supposed to get to bed as usual but I'm not. haha! Thought I should just update some happy events and let's start with the most amazing one first! =)

21 Sept 2010 (Tues) - Wedding of Yong Seng and Dilys

Went for Yong Seng's beautiful wedding dinner at Marina Mandrin Hotel and we had lots of nice food and fun! Yong Seng's wife is so pretty! (That was the first time I saw his wife... heez...) Anyway, Weddings are always happy occassions and this month I knew many who gotten married! okie lah, not really many but I knew of like 3 weddings of office's people already.

There.... do you think I look super sleepy?! LOL! I slept like more than 12hours that day till my eyes are puffy! Didn't know I look so bad until I saw Chee Meng uploaded all these photos!! OMG. LOL!
hahaha... as usual, shortest of the group.

Wish Yong Seng and Dilys happily ever after! Not forgetting, 早生贵子 (okie I'm sorry, I hope I didn't make up this 成语 wrongly... lol.)!!

18 Sept 2010 (Sat) - Meet up with Darling Girls Joo & Kris!

Finally Joo, Kris and I meet up! Sadly ah xi and siying couldn't make it =( We had our own pre-celebration of Mooncake Festival and some kite flying at Marina Barage! omg, kite flying! Loves.

I only flew a kite once so far, and that's when I was 5 and I went with my family. After that, I always wanted to do it again..... I just didn't have a proper chance.... so finally... (read on, some hillarious stuffs happened in the end!)

Anyway, before meeting Kris, Joo and I went for some shopping of kites and lanterns etc etc etc.. Shared a nice lunch while chilling out at a restaurant at Bugis illumma:

Yummy Prawn Dumplings Ramen and the so-so fried chicken!

The Sky full of kites at Marina Barage!!!!!!!

And it reminds me of this Japanese Movie I always love, title Koizora. In Chinese is 恋空 (lian kong), which means In Love with the Sky.

We spent a few hours flying kite and playing with our lanterns, chilling out under the lovely cooling sky at Marina Barage with Kris' 3 other friends... It was meant to be a kite flying session and a mooncake festival celebration! Ended up all of us never bring/buy mooncakes except for Kris' friend Edric (If I hadn't remember the name wrongly... pardon me if I did! oops =x) who brought One Snowskin Durian mooncake.... ermm.... yes. it's durian... sobs. LOL!

And I think I really have no affinity with kite flying... Unfortunately, dear Kristie happily released that big roll of string to the end and the kite flew away........................... And I have not touched the kite at all!!!! LOL. oh well, next time perhaps!

Anyway, I guess I was just not meant for it. When Joo and I were buying the kite, she decided to choose the one with the Cartoon Tiger print... It immediately reminded me of Tiggy. I didn't wanted it... especially when I decided to pay for the kite and keep it for myself... but I didn't know how to tell her... I thought it didn't really matter as long as we have the kite and everyone's happy and after buying it I decided not to bring it back anymore... well, it flew away... with the wind, into the sky and out of my sight... hahaha! I didn't feel upset or anything, just thought how interesting life could really be. hehe =p

Spongbob lantern for Joo and Ultraman lanterns for Kris & I!

Ultraman saves the day!!

みって！ほんとに可愛いです！ =D

oh! Personally I prefer those paper lanterns which we can light it up with candles to this kind of electronic one. but unfortunately we gotten this type as we do not know if we could light candles at marina barage. it's still very adorable after all and I love it! Just that I really really miss those times when I was younger and we went out in a group at the nearby park to eat mooncakes, chillout and play with candles, sparkles and lanterns! well, nowadays, the people no longer enjoy this festive mood. sad to say... =(

My Ritz Carlton Dark Chocolate mooncakes! This has been my all time favourite! Love it!! Sadly I just didn't buy enough and eat enough! LOL.

And Bro bought cute Mickey ice-cream mooncakes from Swensens! I thought it tastes a little weird at first but then slowly, find it quite unique and delicious!

Holiday bug? Travel bug?

Many of us were and are travelling! Within this 2 months, I went KL & Taiwan, Prab toured Europe 40 days, Sylvia Khoo & Monster Wang went Korea, Meimei went Japan, Lovely Ah Boon going Las Vegas, Uncle Tony, Cun Cun & Gege, and Chee Meng will be going Taiwan this month and next month too! Year end Sista Janet will be going to Europe for holiday too and again in November I'll be heading to Sabah! OMG!!! LOVES LOVES LOVES TRAVELLING!! =D

And besides loving to travel, I love being pampered with souvenirs from my lovely friends! =D

Mickey Cookies from Japan Disney! 美味しいね!
Mei Mei ありがとう　ございます! =D

Mask & BB Cream from Korea! Thanks a lot Monster Wang! I Love it =)

Beautiful Purple Shoe for hanging Jewellery! From Madrid! Love it!! Thanks a lot Prab! =D

I have nice and lovely friends, don't I? =)

24 Sept 2010 (Fri) - Late Night Movie with Sista! =)

Yes!!! I always love Donnie Yen's movies and him! Love his moves and he's really really good at all these martial arts movements that just make me go "wow. wow. wow!!" LOL. and on top of all, he has a well-tonned sexy body. LOL!!! Anyway, aside that this movie was a little 'exaggerating' (afterall, i dunno if everything is real or not), the movie was great! It's just like another kind of inspiring Ip Man show.

Can't wait to watch more! I wanna watch Wall Street, Charlie St. Cloud, Eat Pray Love etc etc etc... oh yah! Did I mentioned I watched Step Up 3 and Grown Ups and they are AWEEEESSSSSOOOOMMMMMEEEEE!!! Yeah, Rikka Loves Movies. Super duper Love. LOL.

Last Photo of the entry... ... ... ...

Update of a recent me!! LOL.

Alrighty, guess I need to rest a bit so I can 'tahan' for my yoga class and a baby's 1yr old birthday party and then my Night shift and then maybe a trip to JB tomorrow after Night Shift and then Waxing & Facial Appointment plus 4hours OT plus a L4D party-of-8 on Tuesday... OMG, packed. I guess I probably really need to take redbulls for meals instead. LOL!

Hakuna Matata! What a wonderful day...

= Blessed Every Moments =

2010-09-18T06:55:00.005+08:00

Good Day to all!

Guess once in a while when I have the time to myself, I start looking back and reflect on the time I've spent with my love ones and myself... Then I realised how blessed I am... For every moments. Thank you =)

I had a really fulfilling week! Went to watch Step Up 3 twice (once 2D, once 3D) and I really really love it! I can't dance... But I know I always love to if I have a chance. and if I have the chance to dance in the future, I'll do my very very best! but.. ermm... a little old to learn dance now though. LOL! hope yoga-ing helps! LOL. Then L4Ds a few sessions... then hanging out with my pals etc etc... argh, not forgetting about working too.

Buring out in Universal Studio - 14 Sept 2010 (Tuesday):

All thanks to Sylvia Wong!!! A treat from her to tonnes of fun at Universal Studio!!
She won some U.S vouchers so admission and food are on her!! LOVES!!! Thank you so so so much! =p

Lots of areas not really launched yet... the queues were damn long (for some rides) and the rides lasted less than a min!! 4D Shrek Experience is a Must-Try! wondering what's 4D huh? It's actually 3D movies plus the 'feeling' effects! where the chair moves according to the movies motions and there are water-strays on you when the character sneeze! LOL. kinda cool though... Food at Universal Studio, looks good but taste kinda awlful.. Both of us simply had ourselves burnt under the hot sun.. LOL! but overall, it's still the company I was with that brought the whole experience there cheery and amazing =) I enjoyed myself truly...

This is my favourite picture.. I just thought I was really funny! =D

Alrighty! I really really had so so so much fun! =)

this few days... the pain set in as and when it likes to... I'm doing fine with this strange pain in me... but I really hope soon I'll be free from it.

come to think of it... I've been feeling really really stupid when I begged him to stay and said "I can't live without you..." No, I clearly could... I just didn't wanna face the fact that life goes on as per normal without him. now, I feel so totally stupid. I swear to myself.... Never will I ever say to another guy "I can't live without you"... Never in my life again. But I guess, I probably never really need to.

sigh. I hope he can clear it soon... I just dun understand why the hell do I need to shoulder his problems still when he's clearly none of my business now? stupid stupid stupid bunny. I dun wanna bug him coz I dun think it's my responsibility to do so... but honestly, doesn't he has any sense of shame? especially that he has a new gf now? Can't he just freaking had some balls to clear off his own problems here instead of having his Ex-girlfriend to do so? sigh. seriously, dunno to get angry, to cry or to laugh... can only complain here lor... coz even complaining to friends is not enough.

Anyway, like I always said, I Believe in Karma... What goes around comes around.

meeting the darling girls today and Night shift tonight... ZZZZzzzz... damn it... after one round of L4D and now is 8am I still feel so energetic like as if I'm running on Energiser Batteries =.="

Hakuna Matata! Everyone, smile on a lovely Saturday! Don't frown, becoz you never know who is in Love with your smile =)

Step Up 3 Final Battle

2010-09-14T04:04:00.000+08:00

Finally, the Final Battle in Step Up 3. Awesome? More than that definitely.

step up 2 final scene

2010-09-14T04:02:00.000+08:00

And here, Step Up 2 The Streets... Final Dance but not the last dance =)

Step up final showcase

2010-09-14T04:01:00.000+08:00

I Can't help it.. I can never forget Step Up and I want all of you to remember this amazing combi of dance steps...

I've a BIG BIG Box of Color Pencils

2010-09-12T05:54:00.010+08:00

omg I'm majorly lack of sleep! LOL. seems like Insomia came back again so I'm sleeping like a few hours a day only... but i'm enjoying every night's activities! L4D and supper time and Party world! exhausted yet fulfiling =)

I just realised I didn't upload my favourite pictures with Doraemon in Taiwan in my previous entries! so here it goes... Meet my friends!! LOL =p

Gigantic Doraemon!! ^o^

Bunny, Doraemon & Friends =)

宝萍 * 小叮当 * 小叮铃

可愛いですか?　好き！=D

Visit to Outer Space with Doraemon & Friends! LOL.

Amazing isn't it?! I really really enjoyed myself at the themepark looking and taking pictures at those small buildings of wonders and one of my favourite cartoon characters since young! And millions of thanks to the friending staffs at the themepark who helped me to take photos for me! So grateful... =) I guess this is the only inconvenience of travelling alone. you simply cannot take more pictures with yourself in it! but still, awesome experience =)

09 Sept 2010 (Thursday) - Citi Appreciation Day! =)

yes yes yes! I always love Citi Appreciation Day becoz there's always good stuffs for us! LOL. last yr we had 2 $100 Citi Ezlink Card for Citi Staffs appreciation (but honestly speaking, our department really worked our asses off for the SMRT Cards Recarding Exercise! LOL.) and guess what? This year we're given a $100 Prepaid Visa Card addressed to us by our new Country Head Mr Michael Zink! LOL. I always love the benefits for Citibankers... Actually, Citi is really a nice place to work in! With all fun and wonderful colleagues. Citi is like one big family =) I'm with the bank for more than 3 yrs and all these while it's my awesome colleagues that keeps me going... =p

of coz...... aside for the daily experiences of increasing numbers of ridiculous requests from the customers or the nasty scoldings from them like as if we are just some slaves. I guess it's becoz of higher affluence? I mean, I'm not purposely bad-mouthing anyone but we really have customers who talk to us like as if we're supposed to serve them like slaves... we got to endure really unpleasant nasty words from them! =( but of coz, I'm not saying every of our customers are like this. We have lots of nice customers who simply just cheer us up and made the day better! Thanks for making my day at work! heez... LOL. (i'm getting a little hyper already.. haha!)

Anyway... a wonderful day made lovely by sincere and thoughtful gestures:

Delicious Beccarino Muffin for us, my cup of coffee to keep me awake (LOL.) and lunchbox prepared by the most amazing mummy in the world!!!! ='D

Prepaid Visa Card =)
well.... gotta mask out the numbers if you're wondering why is there marker ink on the card! LOL.

I went to buy mooncake today (11 Sept 2010, Sat)!!! There's a Ritz Carlton mooncakes booth at Millennia Walk so I decided to just grab my favourite mooncakes during my break.. it's dark chocolate mooncakes!! With Lotus fillings and a ball of dark chocolate in the middle! LOVES!! Nice mooncakes once a year... Definitely can't miss it!

And it smells great too!!
Oh yeah... I know most people prefer snow skin to baked skin mooncakes... but strangely, bunny simply loves baked skins mooncakes than anything else! haha=p

Oh I saw this cute little Pig Rabbit from Bestie Cara's facebook photo album and she was telling me it's a soft toy featured in some korean drama (alright, I never had the patience to watch korean dramas so dunnno what show was that! LOL.) and her dad got this for her niece at Mini toons! Well well... I thought it's really really cute and I wanna get one for myself!! Then...... I remember.... I should save money! =(

so.... Christmas prezzie?!! LOL! I'm so gonna bug bestie to get me this for Christmas but I think she's gonna kill me lah... LOL.

Oh! And I downloaded a few FOC photography apps (or shld call it photo editing apps??) for my iPhone and I was playing with pictures! hehehehehe... but boy! I really love how the effects turned out to be....... =p

Edited with MoreBeaute app!
It allows you to smoothen your skin in the picture so I dun look so 'pimply'!
Ma chiam Plastic Surgery. LOL.

Created this pic with Polarize.
haha! Sadly I got no polaroid cam so this is an alternative! Love it!

And this is using PS Express - A app of Adobe Photoshop for mobile...
Not so power can lasso and stuffs though... but can crop, adjust the lightings and colours! LOL.

Alrighty! Guess that's all for updates in this Entry! Hope the pictures 'beautify' this entry a little! hahaha! =p Night shift tonight for me though... =.=

"Time check, it's 7.05 in the morning, the lovely sun is out but the weather is cool. May everyone enjoy this beautiful Sunday with your love ones and this is Rikka the bunny signing off........"

wahahahahahahahahahahahaha!! (ROFL =.=") I think I'm really getting a little cranky. =p

Good day world! And my wishes for the world - Hakuna Matata =)

The Rabbit's Adventures continue......

2010-09-10T21:25:00.001+08:00

As I promised! A proper entry on my thoughts and feelings! LOL. =p

. Fun . Food .
Eat, Pray, Love! a lot of people said i was crazy and daring (I'm well known timid rabbit! extremely scared of darkness! hehe=p).. to travel and take a plane for the 1st time (yeah yeah, quite sua gu but true i really never had taken a plane before... lol.) and made this 1st time travelling alone. a lot of people asked me, isn't it weird etc etc... I don't feel so! I mean, sometimes it's really good to have urself all to urself and do things any ways you want and not needing to compromise anyone else. I had always been a giver, or so i thought... so this time, having to be a giver to myself only, having myself make my own decisions, just myself... feels.... amazing. many told me they are proud of me... becoz this is probably the 1st time I'm truly doing something for my sake and the 1st time I'm truly making decisions on my own. and yeah... i dun deny... all those incidents, really gave me much strength... so much to be myself once again.

anyway, in Taiwan there's this bank's advertisement running on TV very frequently. About this girl who shops alone, dines alone, travel alone etc etc.. she was on the phone with her friend when she commented “一个人很奇怪吗？不会啊！”

I felt exactly like what she mentioned... except that... I really really hope I could stay in Taiwan longer!!!!!!!!!!! yah, damn it, my trip was only 5 days becoz it was planned a little too last minute. LOL.

Anyway... before Taiwan I went KL for 2 days.

Day 1 - Stay a Sista Janet's place. and many thanks to Janet's mother who drove us around!! 1st day was High Tea at this Cafe name Delicious, Shopping at OneUtama, then followed by a nice western dinner at.... ermmm... I dunno where. LOL.

Day 2 - KL was absolutely fabulouso! After a super yummy prawn mee for breakfast, we took MRT train on our own and went to Aquaria!! LOL. yeah... it's just like Underwater world but I really really enjoyed myself looking at those amazing fishes and animals living in the sea... it was awesome! Then dinner in a nice cozy restaurant =)

Day 3 - Set off real early to KL airport for my 10am flight to Taiwan. Thanks to Janet's Mum who helped me booked the taxi service to airport! =) Was a little anxious yet excited! lol. But I really really love that independent feel. it was... perfect! Met this very nice Taiwanese Uncle Auntie couple on the plane. They sat beside me... and they really made my flight alone to Taiwan less scary =) Though we didn't talked much, but that short conversation really made me feel safer. There's many friendly and nice people in Taiwan. In my whole Taiwan trip, I came across already 2 aunties who talked to me and told me what cautions to take, just like talking to a daughter. sweeeetttt.... we are strangers, but friendly strangers.

Anyway, I guess I'll probably not gonna to list out all the way till Day 7. If not I'm gonna bored all of you reading here! LOL. haha=p I visited Taipei 101, and Shida Night Market on the 1st day. 2nd day was visits to LongShan Temple, Sogo Shopping Centres, Zhong Xiao Dun Hua Areas (where I went Ding Tai Fung for dinner!! Yeah!!) and Ximending. 3rd day was to 小人国 (themepark) and Wufenpu... 4th was the most amazing where I made my way to 九份 (Jiu Fen) and Shilin Night Market!! Sadly, last day becoz I need to check out from Hostel and too much luggages, I only hang around Taipower Station areas and then down to airport. Alright, I dunno if the orders of visits are correct but nevertheless, I enjoyed myself so truly at all these places! And looks on the Taiwanese people faces when I replied "Yes I came here alone"... PRICELESS. I just... overnight... felt so proud of myself. LOL.

can't bare to leave but have to. For some particular reasons, I kept having an urge to find jobs overseas... so that I can work on achieving my passions and goals.. especially setting up the business. sigh! but sadly, the cruel reality of constraints has to hold me back for the time being...

. Laughters . Tears . Dreams .
these few days, strange thoughts and feelings have been popping up again. I mean... it's just strange. NOT negative. sometimes I find it very hard to control certain feelings in me... Maybe to some people, being a more sensitive person is being a saddist to them. but to me, being more sensitive is a strength of mine. it's a unique trait of mine I supposed... I mean... I supposed I'm actually being loved for this.
anyway, I had sudden thoughts of life cycle... it gave me goosebumps. Have you ever wonder? Why was 'life cycle' ever created? I see myself from being a kid to a teenager, to an adult and I visualise myself growing old... I visualise my love ones like my parents as kids to who they are right now. isn't it how amazing human changes and aged? So what happen when someone leaves us in this world... do they just sleep and wake up one day continuing their life in another world that we'll never knew until we reach the same point? or does the person just sleep on and on? I made myself imagine a world where I no longer exists, then where will I be?

And the most frightening issue is not exactly where will I be... But will I be in a place with my love ones again? Will I be in a place where I look at a middle age couple and call them "Papa, Mummy" and a place where I'll protect my siblings, where I'll hang out with my friends, where I fall in love again and again?

I know to most, you will be thinking "wah lau, this rabbit is thinking tooooo much AGAIN!" but agree with me, isn't it how amazing we're being decided (or fated, whatever you call it) to be placed together and experience feelings like happiness, sadness, pain, anger, love and everything?

I dunno why but this feelings brought me to tears.. I am really really blessed with a perfect family. A family that although may weigh heavily on my shoulders, yet a family I want to protect so dearly. I've a daddy who'll gossip, talk about electronics with me, support me and told me never to give up. I've a mummy who'll pack lunch nicely for me to work whenever possible, endure my nonsense and bad temper, joke with me and teach me stuffs... a mummy more soft hearted and kind hearted than anyone I ever knew.. And I have a elder bro who I always respected, someone who shows me nothing should ever get us down, and two sisters who are always there and show me nothing ever tear us apart... And I'm blessed with tonnes of amazing friends who never left me alone in time of difficulties, nice colleagues during all my jobs and wonderful people who were and are part and parcel of my life, who lent me a hand when I need a gentle pull...

And these made me wonder... why were there so many people who never understood the word 'cherish'... and who can't get along with people, with their own family.. and who find faults in every little thing to upset themselves and everyone else? Some stuffs are really minor, do we really need to get angry over it and hurt those around them, including being a part of 'having a bad day' of strangers? and I encountered before customers who called in and behaving extremely nasty for some basic ridiculous issues..

Anyway, Two days later, I went back to office and saw this email... "Our colleague xxxxxx has passed away........" Everyone in my department work pretty closely in one way or another. I heard of this guy, I never seen him before I guess... came across emails of compliments and complaints about him, saw his name in whose and whose team list etc etc... And I found out, he passed away suddenly. I know to many of you may think "aiyah, you dun even know this colleague so shouldn't feel that bad lah." but hell no. I felt... a little pain and kinda sad... Maybe not particularly towards him.. But to imagine if this ever happened to someone closer...

sigh, i dunno. guess I was a little affected and shocked. life is so fragile... It just gave me a responsibility of cherishing every moment even more. appreciating whoever that came across in my life...

. Love .
I'm moving on very well now... though i admit i dun wanna know anything abt him anymore and waiting for the day I cld have nothing to do with him. Looking back on 28 June 2010, I almost destroy myself over a guy who never really loved me as he has claims to be. How silly could that be? I dun deny he's still the one I loved most and yet who gave me the most painful experience of my life... I saw myself secretly loving him for almost a year, to being his and so deeply in love, to being rejected just like one of shirts he no longer wants to wears.. From loving deeply to hating him to feeling neutral, from regretting knowing him to being thankful to have known him and him giving me up... I was cursing so much when I thought he's not returning what was owed.. to this point I am like... "whatever lah.. if he can return will be good, if not then I'm just pure unlucky lor..." Now I see that it was mainly not him not wanting to, but he's just not capable enough to.
Ah Li jie jie is right... no point upsetting yourself over something you can earn back.. If he could betray his conscious to do such a thing, then he's just proving you're better off without him.. For he is not even a reliable and capable person to being with. And when one day anyone asks you about him, you will speak nothing but the truth. He can lie to millions of people, but he and you both know the Truth and the truth that he can't lie to.

sounds very chim hor? After ah li jie jie said this to me... or rather something similar lah... I had been thinking about it for days... yeah, why bother feeling upset over something I could earn back when he's enjoying playing more lies to some others? I should be grateful I see the true colours and better off without a burden and not being part of his lies plan anymore.

coming to the topic of lies... He may not have lied his love for me but He's started lying to me since our Day 1... Day 1 when he wanted me to be his yet he couldn't break off with his Ex becoz he claims of not wanting to hurt her during her exam period and destroy her education.. Then found out the truth beneath this Mr-Nice-Guy lie was that he was staying at her place and he couldn't break up if not he doesn't have a room to stay. And the lies of him going drinking alone and stories about his past relationships. I lived with the guilt of being a 3rd party and hated myself for not being able to control the love for him and held on firmly till he cleared his mess with another girl... then I realised the problem was not just on me but the fact he couldn't have his heart stick to one... and when he left me... the truth besides the excuses he came up with... was he was in love with someone else.

And I really never understood why...... I still love him that much.

I used to believe we both have a special bond... then I realised that special bond was created by me to him and so I could feel him so strongly.. it wasn't a mutual special bond, it was a one-sided special bond to make him feel loved.

Again, I really still never understood why, I love him that much.

He once told me that one of my Ex-es was not the right guy. I asked him if I'd found the right guy this time round... He told me "as right as it could ever be"... Of so many texts he sent me, this was one I could never forget. I once agreed with his sentence and believed he was the man of my life... And now, I'll still agree with his sentence that I've found the right guy... you know what I meant? He really strengthen me overnight.

Alright I dunno if my postings above gonna made anyone feels that I am being defensive or whatever... I just wanna make my point across to girls who think like how i used to be... There's no point holding on and torturing yourself with anyone, or even thoughts of anyone. And that 'anyone' who is ever worth your life, will not put ur through the pains of thoughts.

just like the famous saying goes "No one is worth your tears, the one who is will not make you cry." of coz, when we mentioned cry in this phrase, it's Not tears of Joy. lol.

I shared my experience, thoughts and feelings of this relationship, was not to prove anyone I was Right or I was a victim or to put him down... But for those who's finding life hard to get by after getting out a relationship. Every thing happens for a reason... and this pain of loving him happened on me for a reason and got me stronger.. of coz i dun deny i feel like shit keeping everything to myself so I decided to release it on my blog since I dunno who and how to pour out my feelings out... then again, this blog is all abt me so it's all my thoughts and emotions...

anyway, as i said... so dun give life a hard time. be strong though I know it's hard. as every pain that we survived from, made us stronger.

And of coz... for those who's stupidly like how I used to be, waiting for him to love you back again is pointless. move on and find urself deserving someone better. of coz if he's meant to be he'll be... (alright for my case it's not lah huh... at least I'm pretty sure becoz no matter what aspects I look at, it's really better off for me without him lah... lol.)

Honestly speaking still, If one day I could turn back time and live my life again, I will still choose to fall in love with him. even if it meant I need to go through the pain like this again. Because my love was true and true love is hard to come by... Even though I know his love may not be as true lah huh... but at least for me to truly love someone... I never truly loved anyone except for that particular two guys.

And while I'm enjoying and cherishing every moment, I silently pray for one day I'll meet this special someone who look at love the same way as I do.. =) Of coz, who can provide more for me! hehehehehe=p

Hakuna Matata!!

The Rabbit's Adventures!! =)

2010-09-04T04:41:00.007+08:00

Aloha! I'm back from Taipei for a week already and I'm still having luggages not unpacked! LOL. My bed's piled up with my clothes coz I didn't pack them into my wardrobe.. Everything is in a mess! and all thanks to this lazy bunny who refused to do some housework and simply go work, hang out late for supper, L4D games and celebrations! omg!! LOL. I have so much so much on my mind and so much so much to blog here... yeah I am just too..... busy? LOL. alright, i'm finding excuses. I'm simply going out most of the time. but rest assure, after tonight's night shift I'm have a proper entry okie? meanwhile, becoz I cannot stand the fact that I didn't update my blog.... here I go with the pictures of activities during my leave!

Pictures speak a million words, don't they? =p

LOL! Sudden urge for Mani and Pedi on the 19th August 2010 when I went for lunch with dad & mum & Sis Janice! I simply dragged my sis to do it with me.... Love it! Simple yet attractive.

20 August 2010 (Friday) - Outing with Buddy Jit! Alright, I dunno if I should call him my buddy becoz sometimes he said we are not!! But the hillarious part is whenever we needed each other's help at work we'll term each other as buddy! LOL. he's part of my batch when we first entered the bank. And there, an outing before he moves out of the department after 3 years. while he's going towards a better prospect, I'm still stucked at where I am working hard for my other aspects of life... sigh! The lone survivor of the 13 June 2007 Batch! LOL. Anyway, I really admire Jit (when I say admire it's just a respect kind of admire and not the lovey dovey admire okie!!?? LOL!). He's very talented... well, at least that's what I feel lah. Good almost at everything that I hope I'm good at. Musically incline, good at drawing and designing, electronics, computers, games, photography blah blah blah, he's just good and knowledgeable lor! sigh! Envy... LOL. Only thing he's not that good at, Expressing himself in words I guess? LOL. he'll probably disagree with me if he sees this. I find Jit pretty quiet actually but once he gets crappy, he IS VERY crappy. LOL.

Anyway, Lunch was at Aston in Sun Tec... Then a walk at Funan IT Mall, followed by chilling out at Marina Square's Starbucks before a god-damn good movie - Expandables. Dinner... buffet at Kushinbo!!! LOL.

Alright, Jit, I wish you all the best at the branch! Hope u enjoy urself there! May pretty girls and promotions come your way! LOL.

21 August 2010 (Saturday) - LOL. I decided to be good and stay home before my trip. Real reason behind everything was becoz I haven't packed my luggage!!!! LOL. or backpack? whatever it was... My backpacking ended up a shopping holiday trip in Taiwan in the end... hahaha=p yeah was too lazy to get out so we ordered pizza and finally..... 金枕头 (Golden Pillow)!!! LOL! I always love it. It's Curry Chicken wrapped in a big piece of bread... Fabulouso delicious! Many may have forgotten this but I always love this which was first introduced by FM933 when I was like in... Primary school?! LOL! They are still selling!! Just go yahoo type 933 Golden Pillow, you'll find the order info =)

22 Aug 2010 - Flew from Singapore to Kuala Lumpur!! And I stayed at dearest sista Janet's place in KL for 2 days.

24 Aug 2010 - Flew from KL to Taipei!! 5 days of shopping, sight seeing and holding a map and figuring my way around Taipei alone!!! yeah, alone. it was cool.. shall blog more about it in next entry yah? =)

28 Aug 2010 - Home Sweet Home! Flew back to Singapore with Jetstar! sigh, not a up-to-standard experience though... But still, it's cool to have a flight in dark sky!! Loves!

Experiences in Kuala Lumper... Food, Shopping and Aquaria!! =D

一个人很奇怪吗？不会啊！yes! I really really enjoyed myself alone in Taipei. It was NOT WEIRD at all... Many nice experience... Stay tune for my next blog entry okie?! =)

OMG.. I need to rush for work already!! Enjoy the pictures and I shall update sooooooonnnnn!!! =)

Hakuna Matata!

"Live life to the fullest... I'm living mine, what about you?" LOL... ma chiam advertisement right? LOL!!!! for fun only!

Cya world! =)

Despicable Me

2010-08-20T09:19:00.012+08:00

Oh, some epic stuffs happened. For the 1st time in my entire life Bunny wanna scream fuck off, for the 1st time I'm so pissed I feel I could just pinch that bastard to death, for the 1st time I wanna be mean that I feel like having the whole world know what a scumbag you are.

Yes, Dun test me. Dun test my limit. Dun you dare try. I can be that despicable me that I've never let it out before. So shut the fuck up and do what you shld do and fuck off.

I was blind to love you, I was god damn retarded to still love you and I was WRONG to fell for you. A useless bum that blames the whole world for every little things that happened negatively. Yes, I despise you now.

so dun force me. shut that awful mouth of yours before you hit my maximum limit that I can go. Damn you. dun abuse my kindness or I'll let you taste your own medicine. If you think money comes to you effortlessly I'm sorry you're so wrong. But then again, that explains your pathetic situation. I won't be a meanie if you hadn't been that crude. so dun blame me, you brought it upon yourself. I'd asked you politely and darn you, dare to change the situation around to bite me back. I've the proof and i'll let you realised how pathetic you were as a bf and still are as a stranger to me now. I despise you.

oh phew... feels good. I will tell him all these but then, felt he wasn't worth my effort to continue the anger. Any more connections with him brings karma to myself. pathetic. I once had a ex-bf who asked $70 back from me for something he bought me during the r/s and I thought that was pathetic. But now I look at someone who owes me and still dare give me craps and talk big when I weren't even nasty in the most initial msg, I realised the true meaning of 'pathetic'. Tell me I'm crude to say that and do the same thing back. I dun give a damn. I dun care what others think/say about me. All I know was, You are so pathetic in your messages if you hadn't realised you look exactly like a clown to me.

Anyway, forget about the nasty event that happened for the moment.

19 August 2010 (Thursday)
My fun day out with my bunch of brothers! Love them to core. really really made my day after a good morning screwed by an asshole.

Anyway, met up at Mosburger at Plaza Sing and had a nice short chill out with Alwin, Gerald, Gavin and Mark. Then we made our way down to Chambers for a few games of L4D (Alwin went back becoz he's only 1/3 at his report.. sobs.) and Mark made 4 of us play advanced mode!! Basket!! But we completed it still.... though Mark is the top winner of all lah. LOL.

After gaming was another chill out at The Cathay's Starbucks while waiting for Kang and Jia Rong to arrive... LOL. Kang was damn stoned becoz he was rushing his report so he stared at his PC all the way from morning! LOL. Then, Dinner at Aston The Cathay where I have my yummy Black Pepper Chicken. Darn, I'm craving for it now... It was fabulouso! Or perhaps it was the perfect company. awwwww.... the guys really really made my day!

After dinner? Dessert was Dau Huay at Selegie... which is another chill out session where we craps and laze around lah... perfect moments. amazingly happiness. =) LOL.

Pictures will tell it all? how fun it can be with the guys....

The guys... Mastering the 'art' of photography...

Finally, a group photo to end the gathering! =D

Anyway, I watched Expandables and Love in Disguise and they are AWESOME!!!

Damn funny and super exciting show! Gotta catch it! it's worth watching!!! =D

A bit lame but I still enjoyed it coz I find it funny still. It's even better with the fact there are nice songs and music by 王力宏! I ain't particularly a fan but I kinda like the lameness of this show. lol.

Alright I shall update more again... gotta sleep coz I need to catch my flight to KL later... phew, I'm going travelling alone. it's exciting and amazing yet a little scary. Hope everything will be smooth and perfect =)

Hakuna Matata!! Good night all =)

Every Moment counts =)

2010-08-19T07:04:00.008+08:00

Just ended a 3hrs plus chat with Bestie Xien Lin!! LOL. Just like primary school time when we chatted on the phone for hours. Everything under the sun! from catching up with each other's life, to gossips of everything to heart to heart talks! Feels great, to know whatever happens, you know who are there always to fall on.

And I'm glad that I have many of such friends in my life to count on. I'm glad I have you guys and I will cherish all of you. Even for some that I seldom contact, you're missed! Becoz everyone meant something to me, every moment counts and that's what make knowing you guys special =)

oh yeah, catch up with Buddy Yvonne last evening! It's been a year since I last met her! Goodness! and she told me some juciy news... some juciy comments. LOL. most hillarious part was she AGAIN said (which was what she had always been telling me whenever we meet!!! LOL!) "next time you better let me QC the guy you're dating first!"

Love her to core. She's one amazing woman. yes, she's petite like a little girl. but I always regard her as 'woman'. Always mature, always sensible, always funny and supportive. She's one person whom you can count on when you need sensible advices, when you need some shoulders to lean on. A very strong willed woman with high pain tolerance too! LOL. a sun tanning khaki, a rock climbing khaki, a bitching khaki I've known since poly years. oh yeah, she was my FIRST friend in poly! LOL. never forget that. and one of the only few who DIDN'T think I was 'lian'... LOL!

Anyway, she has a god damn adorable baby boy name Heyvern which she didn't managed to bring him out with us earlier. but seriously, heyvern is one heart snatcher! really really adorable! So unlike his parents (uh huh, I'm refering to my buddy yvonne and her husband harry!! =p) LOL!!!!

there it goes.... Yvonne Wong & Rikka Tan:

awww... I miss her long dolly hair but she decided to look motherly. LOL.

No. 7? LOL. that's my favourite number! We went to Mc Cafe at Causeway point for some cakes and teas after dinner and there I got my favourite number plate! LOL. Anyway, took these 2 pictures with my iphone? perferct huh? I love the camera.... woohhooo... and I've been hearing good comments from Buddy Jit abt the camera too (he's also using iPhone 4 and is camera photo freak! lol.)

Saw that tinge of purple colour on my hair.. yeah I DIY dyed my hair dark reddish purple and the effect came out really well. I love that dark purple base and now am just praying the purple on the bleached parts of hair dun fade off so soon...

Viva Friends forever! LOL =p

had a great time with you Yvonne. Pls pls pls! I know how alike we both are when we come to this and I know you'd probably told me the same thing but dun keep everything to yourself becoz I'm always here too. 加油！and dun worry when I'm ready to get my wall & rock climbing cert, I'll dragged ya with me okie? =D

alrighty! Bringing my parents for some perfect lunch in Yishun later since they refused to let me bring them to JB for awesome korean food! LOL. what a waste! Meeting the bunch of guys in the late afternoon for some games (I think!) and steamboat session! Goodness me... I haven't pack anything for my Taiwan backpacking trip yet!! =.=" good luck to me. Itinary also haven't plan finish... screwed. LOL. but anyway, I had many places in mind I wanna go. Hopefully my trip work out as well as the chalet I planned! a bit gan jiong but god damn excited lah! next year I can consider back packing other places liao... whether alone or with a friend, most importantly is to see!!! =p Hope one day I can tour Europe like what bestie Prab is doing now... ENVY!!! LOL. Wanna go Italy, Spain and Paris... but wow... a bit tough on my wallet! LOL. if not, rock climbing in Aussie next year? LOL. Hopefully I can do that before Ariel comes back then I will have free tour guide liao!! LOL! Cheapo. haha!

Anyway, some awesome pictures I've 'grabbed'! LOL! :

LANDAA GIRAAVARU BEACH from BAA ATOLL, MALDIVES.
Source: Yahool Travel SG, 10 Great Island Beaches
(http://sg.travel.yahoo.com/inspirations/131-10-great-island-beaches?cid=today )

Awesome! One of the climbing techniques I find it so difficult to master!
Source: I LOVE CLIMBING FACEBOOK ALBUM

Amazing rock/wall structure... Dunno where is it located but I do hope there's such natural thing in Spore! Too bad... =S
Source: I LOVE CLIMBING FACEBOOK ALBUM

Enjoy people! Hakuna Matata!

お休みなさい！=D

Disgusted News

2010-08-18T15:51:00.004+08:00

I was reading some news on Yahoo SG and I came across the following article (click on the title to read the whole article):

On Facebook, wife learns of husband's 2nd wedding
By MEGHAN BARR,Associated Press Writer - Thursday, August 5

Yes, I am disgusted by what the guy (husband) can do. it was like WTF? Why? What had she done to deserve all these?

Sometimes, for one's own selfish thoughts and benefits, they built misery on someone else to feel better. In return for their so called 'happiness' they wanted, they stole and sacrifices someone else's happiness. would you really be happy like this? like... hurting someone to get what you deem it to be a happier thing?

quick summary of the article, it's abt this wife who found out that her husband has an affair, 2nd marriage with another woman. after which she decided to file for a divorce and the husband actually insisted that he didn't remarry because he wasn't actually married. (LIKE WTF RIGHT? WHEN I READ TILL THIS PART I WAS LIKE, WHAT A LOSER MAN?!!) anyway, eventually the husband went back to the wife and the wife was still hoping for a reconcile. until one day, the husband took both their sons and ran off to live with his 'new' wife. now she's just pursuing the case to get her children back.

sigh. women. always that soft hearted party. anyway, it's an great eye opener to see such jerks exist in this world. goodness.

thought it's interesting and just wanna share it. guys pls, if you ever thought of cheating, dun be such a loser.
lol.

cya people! =)

Happy Lemon, Happy Bunny! =D

2010-08-18T09:10:00.008+08:00

hola!

みんなさん　元気　ですか？

LOL. sometimes I dun even know my jap words are correct anot. coz the programm will auto correct my hiragana into kanji and my kanji sucks! LOL. or worse, I would say I know nuts about Kanji!

anyway, that means "how is everybody today?"

yeah! finally clear my paper work! financial planning! oh yeah, once every mth I will need to sit down for hours to look through my statements and plan my expenses! omg. so I've skipped it for a few mths so this mths was a total mess! brain and body, both exhausted. dun u wish one day you'll be just someone who dun needs to even bother plan how much you can spend a mth? LOL. just spend only... woohooo... be tai tai? lol.

and oh! spring cleaning successful today! so happy!! although there's till tonnes of stuff on the floor but my room is definitely 20% better than before. LOL.

Went out with Sista Janet last evening to source for her evening dress. Went to this shop name "Lavender" at Stamford House and it was fabulouso beautiful! Decorated in very nice cozy purple and lavender colours with a little european style (i supposed it's european lah hor..) clothes racks and filled with lavender room fragrance! service was excellent when the staff just patiently got the dresses and help sista janet on wearing them.. The dresses are god damn beautiful! there's a particular one that I really really like! but too bad no functions.. price are quite steepy though... I heard from Sista Janet per piece cost at least $400? ouch! but good thing is they only have 1 per design, per size. Lovely~~~ LOL. anyway, they have a website:

http://www.lavender-adressshop.sg/

I supposed they have dresses for casual, office, party, ROM and evening occassions. cool.

then down to plaza singapura to source for more options and had Ajisen dinner there! yummy! =D

next stop was Orchard Ion and while searching for a nice and suitable dress for Sista Janet was in vain, we sat down at basement for some desserts... yummy! (though we were very very full, but can't help it! LOL!)

Mango Snow Ice! LOL. yeah tell me abt going Taiwan to have a better one! but honestly, I ain't a very mango person. Anyway, no reviews about it today coz...... I realised I'm quite an easily satisfied person and eating this for the first time I'll probably say it's very nice coz I was happily enjoying it! LOL. but looks kinda 'wow....' right?

One of my favourite drinks! Pepermint Lemon with Nata De Coco from Happy lemon! and it makes me god damn happy! LOL. it's a very cooling lemony drink with my fav bites! =)

16 Aug 2010 - Monday

Anyway, ytd morning went for an event at Marina Madarin Hotel. Apparently was to get some award... yup, this is the 2nd time I got an award in my 3yrs life in Citi. hehe=p The 1st time was in 2009 which I was awarded one of the Top 3 Officer at Citiphone for one of the RACE Quarter.. and this time is F1 outstanding driver. LOL. yeah, nothing much though i guess but still something worthed feeling a little happy and honoured abt =)

so here's my reward (more like a reward for attending the event at freaking 8am in the morn!!!)

LOL! oh I didn't know all the SMGs are around so I simply just pull my hair into a pony tail, wore a plain black tee with a pencil skirt! Not very formal lor... coz I didn't slp for the whole night (was playing L4D with my khakis!! all the way till 6am! freaking shiok!) then directly went for this event and was supposed to get my ass down to army market so I didn't think of wearing something more formal! Aferall, it's my 1st day of compliance leave leh!!!!! kns. lol.

yeah I dozed off a few times during the function. Paiseh lah... right in front of my bosses. LOL. Goner.

Anyway, after the function I really made my way down to the army market! OMG. going there alone was scary!! vendors there are actually quite aggressive sia... but still, I managed to get a haversack which I'm pretty satisfied! and only for 24bucks! it's whole black backpack, very sturdy... I kinda like it... though I could have spend like 90bucks getting a better one with a brand but i juz thought it's not that necessary. epecially the fact I'm juz gonna make it as muddy as it probably gets during my hiking trips! LOL.

I wonder... after Sabah Hike, if I could I will go get myself rock climbing certified. best is try to psycho bestie via to do it too... then can go backpacking to diff places and climb different natural walls/rocks. just the thoughts of it, makes me god damn high. LOL.

Bunny 加油! muz save more money and do more interesting stuffs! =) sigh, now it makes me very attempted to get back my money all at once. basket, why am i so kind-hearted man? idiotic maximum. LOL.

photo of the day:

Not very clear but yes! these are freaking mosquito bites!! WTF right? I got that badly bitten when I went to Mr Bean with my gaming khakis for supper before L4D at Chambers and darn! can you believe it? out of 6 people, I was the only one attacked. And mind you, freak hell yes, I was the ONLY ONE! BASKET!!! &$%$&^%(*_)@#%^$&@

LOL. well, this shows I've got extremely sweeter blood than the rest of time. perhaps shld see the doc, maybe I'm suffering from diabetes rather than low blood sugar! LOL.

oh yah, some updates. Went to see doctor that day and apparently a lot of strange reactions of my body are suspected to be caused by stress... it's more like a psychological problem than a physical kind of problem. Coz my body is weak so stress just worsen it... to the extent that... that time... well, anyway, it's over. I guess I'm living pretty well now trying to balance out everything. too traumatised last time?! LOL!!! I swear I ain't gonna let another guy hurt me to this extent anymore and I promise I gonna love myself more than anything else and respect myself! hahaha=p anyway, I still gotta go for my appointments and thorough check ups in October.. hopefully by then I'm fine liao then can Escape lor... oops! =X LOL.

omg omg omg, 3 more days and i'm out of SG to KL with Janet and alone in Taiwan. It's like exciting yet worrying! worse still is... I haven't pack!! die die die. Must pack tonight liao, cannot last min. somemore there's a date with a bunch tmr! lol. gan jiong maximum lah! LOL.

Alright, good night peeps I'm going to bed! LOL.
and Good morning to those working now.
and good day to all in the world! Hakuna matata! =)

Happiness Maximum

2010-08-15T10:43:00.015+08:00

can I kill someone now? LOL.

I wanted to do some speed blogging today and while I was almost finishing my entry... I accidentally erase the whole entry and blogger just went...... "Draft autosaved at 10:50am". FREAKING HELLLLLLL!!!!! grrrr...

alright, anyway, let's continue with my 'speed blogging' (not so speedy after all!). Guess why am I up at this hour when I gotta work at 4pm later on a cooling sunday today? LOL. yeah I fell asleep last night and I woke up suddenly after a few hours and yup, my body's exhausted to the core and wanna sleep more but my brain decided to go back into actions! so that's why speed blogging comes in. LOL.

Yeah, Happiness Maximum! I haven't been happier in the last 8 months.

10-11 August 2010 (Tue - Wed)

Hooray!! Bunny's chalet went perfectly smooth.. and Lovely of coz! lots of joy and laughters, nice food and chilling out. damn! I Love it to the max! Aloha Loyang Pool Terrace was AWESOOOMMMEEEE! yeah, tell me abt it! It has 4 bedrooms with attached bathrooms (and can you imagine we still runs out of bed to sleep!), a big living room, big kitchen and a spacious backyard for BBQ-ing!! LOVES!!! what's more is that the pool is like 10 steps away from the terrace and the beach is just so nearby!! Terrace's a little run down and dusty though but it's the 'space-ness' I Love sooooo much! I mean, I never really like big houses and rather prefer smaller cozy rooms but this terrace is just RIGHT for partying! Omg, omg, omg! LOL. yeah, i somehow loves those parties in America and Australia that I saw on TVs. somehow I prefer home parties to club parties. you know in Singapore, 'partying' is all Clubbing. I hate it when I can't combine Dance floor, spotlights, music, food and drinks together!

If I'm rich I'll probably arrange parties in my house (you know when I said house, I meant bunglows and Semi D whatever! lol.) like every once a month! ermmm... kinda unachievable. at least for now. shucks!

anyway, aside for the very last minute BBQ food shopping at nearby fairprice everything was perfect! oh well, the last min thing was becoz last min we realised actually quite a huge number of people were turning up! LOL. We had Mai Mai's mum to cook Vegetarian Macoroni and Potato Salad for us, Ordered food from BBQ Wholesales (their spicy drumlets and stringrays were amazing!), some other food items from everywhere and dearest sweetest auntie susan specially made Dry Mee Siam for us! AWESOME!!! and we spent the whole day just BBQ-ing, watching movies and lots of lame WII Games!! or yah! We had Caramel Bailey, Peach Vodka and Red wine!!! And Mahjong, Monopoly board & cards games and a bit of everything! lol. not really everything, I was exaggerating coz I was so excited. LOL.

Anyway, photos are always the best evidence of beautiful memories...

So much fun and laughters! especially everyone when playing with WII and eating happily! It was exhausting but really really happy and blissful! (though I crazily ran around and not sleeping for more than 2days straight! LOL.)

yeah... during the chalet I did wish he was here with us. I wish he was part of the planning too.. I wish I could see him enjoying himself with the food and games. I wish I could sit beside him and watch him play mahjong... I like to see the serious side of him when he concentrates in doing things. I missed him. But I know if he's part of this... this chalet probably may never ever happen. or maybe not as smooth as I want it to be. or rather, not as happy as I want myself to be. becoz I'll probably end up doing things... his way.

That night, I had a quick heart to heart talk with Sista Jenn. then we talked about him and me.. then she told me very frankly that she knew he never liked her as a friend/colleague and it's mutual feeling she hated his attitude too... but becoz of me, whoever that doesn't like him or he doesn't like tried to change the situation around... she's like the 3rd person who said the same thing to me. sigh. now he's gone from the circle of office friends.. I really wonder abt lots of things... i mean, I dun feel worried for him becoz he has many other friends like what he claimed but just that I really wonder... the one that I was in love with... was it really that bad? or maybe, they are just trying to make me feel better? I knew he was a guy I used to love, maybe still is, that's all that's important for me to know... uh, whatever.

Anyway, read on! things are getting better for me =) at least I thought. I'm moving on very well. staying very strong and enjoying every moment! =D

13 August 2010 (Friday)

last day for the 7 interns in office ='( yeah they are my 2nd batch of mentees that I had handheld for like 1 month and it was the most amazing experience ever in my whole 3 years of Citiphone. Knowing them is one of the most fortunate things ever. We watched each other laugh, got angry, curse and swear, gossips together.. and they never failed to cheer me up when I was frustrated, exhausted, desperated and when I tear.. They are awesome bunch of brothers that really made my day!

So I had 3 amazing lovely sweet surprises from them...

1) A lovely bouquet of 3 rochers and a pack of candies!!
2) Dragging me to the pantry for a polaroid shot and a photo!
3) An amazing Photo frame of the photo we took like half hour before I was given the photo frame!

nahz! My Iphone happened to be in the picture becoz I got it on the same day!! LOL! love it so much!

yes.... very sweet and lovely of them isn't it? I was so touched and when Mark handed me the photo frame, they really moved me to tears (of coz never show in front of them lah! so paiseh!). Poor Marky ran from Suntec to Marina Square and back to MT just to get the photo developed for the frame! =') They are friends cum brothers, I probably never wanna lose for life...

so of coz, I won't turn down their invitation for party at Zouk! I went after work though at 12am and I can't get in to Phuture anyway. Zouk's music sucks! but afterall, we had tonnes of fun...

oh yes... I got bestie via to join us since we always wanted to club but no khakis! now I found a bunch of energetic boys.. ermm, young men i mean! LOL. I haven't club for more than a yr! Boring eh?! gonna get my life back man! Anway, Had fun drinking with all of them though my gastric didn't cooperate very much and by the time I reached, Kang & Gavin already KO-ed! LOL!!! Had tonnes of fun dancing with bestie via, kexin the raguin, edeline, mark, gerald, alwin, yongqiang and i dunno who!! LOL. I was a kinda high though...

yeah, hangover the next day at work. serve me right. LOL!

and now... best shot of the day:

LOL!!!!!!!!!!! Mark REFUSED to let me pose this on FB! so I post it on my blog! He said this picture is OMG. But I thought it's rather hillerious in a cute way! LOL. now, I'm pretty sure he dunno I have a blog or else I'm get killed by him so people don't 'bao dou' me ah!!!!

Mark, it's cute. Trust me. Girls will still go after you one lahhhh. LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Loving every moments. Thanks everyone for every beautiful memories! =)

yawnz... 1hr left for me to rest. omg. hakuna matata! Good day world! =*

Say Goodbye - S Club 7

2010-08-09T08:06:00.004+08:00

Lyrics:

In the years to come
Will you think about these moments that we shared
In the years to come
Are you gonna think it over
And how we lived each day with no regrets
Nothing lasts forever though we want it to
The road ahead holds different dreams for me and you

[chorus]
Sometimes goodbye though it hurts in your heart is the only way for destiny
Sometimes goodbye though it hurts is the only way now for you and me
Though its the hardest thing to say
I'll miss your love in every way
So say goodbye
But don't you cry
Because a true love never dies

In a year from now
Maybe there'll be things we'll wish we'd never said
In a year from now
Maybe we'll see each other, standing on the same street corner no regrets
Each and every end is always written in the stars
If only i could stop the World i'd make this last

[Chorus]
Sometimes goodbye though it hurts in your heart is the only way for destiny
Sometimes goodbye though it hurts is the only way now for you and me
Though it's the hardest thing to say
I'll miss your love in every way
So say goodbye
But don't you cry
Because a true love never dies

And when you need my arms to run into
I'll come for you
Nothing will ever change the way i feel

[Chorus]
Sometimes goodbye though it hurts in your heart is the only way for destiny
Sometimes goodbye though it hurts is the only way now for you and me
Though it's the hardest thing to say
I'll miss your love in every day
So say goodbye
But don't you cry
Because a true love never dies

A Lyrics for him...
well.... I suddenly thought of S Club 7. Then I remember I kinda like their songs when I was much younger.. Popped by youtube and came across this song...

haha=p yeah. I ain't emo-ing lah.. I just thought it suits... But I guess, the true love was only on my side. dun worry, i ain't tearing. I'm trying to let go and forget too. I'm moving on... progress may be slow though... but I guess it just goes to show how much I actually love... him.

Ever since he's gone, I'm staying stronger. sometimes I prayed to meet someone like him, but love me more.. lol. silly huh? I know, I know.

I guess it probably makes him feel even better and probably I'm just ruining myself and getting mocked at by him(if he reads my blog...), by showing how much pain I'm putting myself through... by showing how much I still miss him. yeah, I mean... I dunno how I could hide. I dunno how I could lie to myself and anyone else like what he does... I just can't.

Sometimes goodbye though it hurts in your heart is the only way for destiny... Sometimes goodbye though it hurts is the only way now for you and me... Though it's the hardest thing to say... I'll miss your love in every way... so say goodbye.

It wasn't the hardest thing for him to say..

but it was for me...

and goodbye still is the hardest word for me......

Hakuna Matata from the Lion King

2010-08-08T06:53:00.002+08:00

Cun Cun and I tried to sing this song.. then we realised... we couldn't remember the lyrics! LOL.

anyway, people, enjoy!

Hakuna Matata... =)

Salt

2010-08-08T04:32:00.011+08:00

I watched Salt today!!!! Angelina Jolie is soooo cool! Sometimes I really wish I could be so strong physically & emotionally like her characters! LOL.

Anyway, Salt was breath-taking. so many things in the show feels "OUCH!!!" to me... lol. yeah, very action pact so i really like it... but again, I hated the ending... it's another kind that makes you go like.... "so now how? she escape liao then how? who is she helping eventually?" LOL. yeah... I hate the feeling of suspense. I love surprises though, not suspense and shock. haha=p

anyway, some funny boo-boo happened today! Sista Janet is a blur sotong, actually! LOL. yeah, book the wrong tickets... instead of AM, we booked PM. LOL!!!! Luckily they let us changed and we watched a 1.35am show instead.

End up... 3 of us 'rua' at the sofa for abt 1hr lor... LOL! oh, I ran off to surf net until I realised a lot of people attempted being kaypo to look at what I was surfing. LOL!

ermmm... sista just need to watch the screen and eat at the same time. cannot keep still. LOL.

loves the jokes we shared and the movie time! =)

well, kinda hate the cab ride home alone every night... it makes my mind wanders and i just get emo a while during that ride. makes me think a lot lah... I thought about Angelie Jolie in the show... the physical pains... what can that be compared to her emotional pains? yes, damn it.. emotional pains are uncontrollable. fuck hell... though it makes me grow, i hate growing the tough way like this.

anyway, best of all I found out some amazing stuffs today. But nahz, I'm not going to talk about it. I could only say, I'm not like him.

sigh... sometimes I wonder, did I just push that pain in one corner hoping i'll forget about it one day... or did I just let it grow in that corner? somehow, i realised, I ain't as strong as what I want myself to be yet. hopefully after my trips.. I'm be stronger.

somehow, i know all these while, good things he said during the r/s and during the break up were all lies.. I mean, I didn't choose not to believe them. I chose to believe what he said was real. I chose to believe I'm that One out of the Two he truly loved. then, slowly day by day, I discover more and more things about him and things he did... then i start realising... maybe i was really a fool? it's so easy to say "I Love You" to someone? silly bunny... I couldn't do it doesn't mean someone else couldn't do. And if even I had done things like saying "I Love You" without meaning them before to other guys, he could have done it even much better than I do. just sadly, maybe he had just did it to me...

he hated it when i doubted his love for me. while i hated it when he didn't realised my love was and still is, true. or maybe he realised... then, i hated it when he let his own actions proved his speech wrong.

so this kind of pain... it sux. I could scold thousand times of "fuck" without even feeling bad about it. does anyone feel the same kind of pain before? it's not sad, it's not hate, it's not love, it's not miss, it's not guilt, it's not anything and it's not nothing. you just dunno what it is.

and yes, he will never ever know what kind of pain I'm talking about.

I dun hate him... I just feel super disappointed with his actions. I just feel painful. some kind unable to compare, not even to that horrible pain of tattoo touch up I did. once again, thank you timmy, thomas chew.

every attacks of the pain, every small little juvenile things u did, makes me braver each time... I hope to step out of it soon.

each day, i slowly forgotten a digit in his mobile number, each day I slowly forgotten a small part of his looks, each day i slowly forgotten parts of moments with him and things he did. each day his shadow in my mind seems further and further away... each day, i look forward to a day when I dun think about him anymore.

and one day, he will not appear in my mind anymore. probably, just like how I was to him.

do you think he misses me?

LOL. sigh, he dun cares. anw, whether he misses or he doesn't, it doesn't mean anything to me. we're impossible and dun tell me "nothing is impossible" becoz i wanna make this impossible. I just want to. I dun wan any possibilities. sigh. pain...

anyway, Hakuna Matata for bunny!! Bunny Bunny 加油加油! =D yup, I'll get well. I'll be fine soon!

so excited about the chalet on coming tuesday... but as the day gets nearer, the more exhausted I am. LOL. a little anxious too. scared I didn't do it well enough to what I want it to be.

Taiwan trip in 2 weeks time. getting very excited and a little frightened about it as days passed by too... mixed feelings! worst is, i haven't plan or prepare anything yet!! oops. LOL.

see uncle Tony's so nice! He went down to Taiwan Tourism Board and he helped me get maps and guides too! best of all, he helped me collect free passes to Taipei's National Palace Museum and Amusement Park!!!! Yeah I can go 小人国 to see Doraemon already!!! Free of charge!!! so happy!! =D

And I have nice pals like Sook & Simon who lent me their Taipei Guides! Sook's the best... she gave me cards and taught me how to go and where to go to eat! best right? and Lynn too!! she gave me her map and made markings for me and taught me how to go! omg. they are all more excited than me lah. LOL.

While I'm kinda afraid coz I'm going alone... they thought I am brave to do it. LOL! hope i won't chickened out. but i guess, I won't lah. hahaha=p money already paid to airlines and hostel liao... LOL.

and they keep asking me to find cute Taiwanese Guys. hahahaha!! people, pray for me to meet knowledgeable and cute guys there lah. Not necessary need to be Taiwanese lah! LOL!!!

omg. pls. LOL. I'm just kiddin!

Oh anyway, I just realised I did take photos that day when I went in to JB! Took a few secret snaps of Elle Salon!! (paiseh lah... later people think I'm some freak taking pictures). LOL!

Don't my hair looks a little healthier after hair spa?? lol.. anyway, I trimmed bits of it. Finally I get to layer a little of my hair... looks a little not-so-heavy now. haha=p

oops! this is before the hair cut. I'm just ending the entry with a 自恋 photo again! LOL. I think i'm very much in love with myself now, more confident day by day! LOL!!! very much in love with the beach too, with the sky too, with travelling too, with blogging too, with organising fun stuffs too, with photographing too, with climbing too, with my tattoos too and blah blah blah... never ending! LOL!

alrighty! Good day to everyone! while I'm off to bed soon =p

Pain? It is Nothing.

2010-08-06T05:51:00.004+08:00

OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! LOL. yeah, I'm excited. God damn excited. and Happy. Very happy. and I'm so proud of myself. yup, extremely. lol. well, I'm achieving 50% of my goals in 2010.

Appointment with Su @ Exotic Tattoo today Finally! oh yeah? I finally got my Hakuna Matata on my neck! I thought neck will be so freaky painful, yet it wasn't! Not at all!! It just feels a little pricky.. Like a hot stone scrapping on the skin. Must be Su, she has really good skill. And she's fast. really, so fast. I know the Tattoo is small and simple, but that took her like... less than 5min! I was like "huh? Done already? So fast?! And it's not pain at all!!" Geez she's awesome ain't she?

Hakuna Matata Symbol

LOL. I Love it. Extremely. To the maxxxxxx! =D An artist there saw the design and told me this is awesome. yeah I really do think it's Awesome too! And when I was doing it, I heard them singing the Lion King's Hakuna Matata song outside. LOL. Cool...

oh yes, I got Su to touch up my Takara tattoo too... And damn it, it was PAINFUL! I mean it. It's so much more painful than the 1st time I did it and the 1st touch up... this 2nd touch up was.... awfully painful. But guess what? I didn't made a single noise. LOL. I personally feel I have high tolerance of physical pain... but still, it did hurts. I heard touch up is always more painful. haha=p But like I said, Su's cool, she completed the touch up like in 20 min?

Looks better isn't it? but now when I apply lotion on it, I could almost bang the wall for that horrible stinging pain.

Anyway, some 'advertising' here. LOL. (No she didn't ask me to do it!!) I just really think I should credit Su... She's really really good and fast. 14 years of experience, grand daughter of famous tattoo artist Johnny2thumbs. Best of all, she don't look scary at all. Very friendly and sweet actually. Located in Far East Plaza #04-11.

Visit her website: http://www.exotictattoopiercing.com/

Alrighty, some emo stuffs here...
Guess what? After I finished my tattoo-ing, I heard 'Impossible by Shontelle' on their radio in the shop. they were commenting the song lyric is really meaningful. and yes. I somehow felt that lyrics relate to my story too. haha=p I feel the hurt. That burning pain that was hidden in me, in the song...

Anyway, know what kept me going during the terrible pain of tattoo touch up? Him. lol. yeah.. it was him. He was on my mind all the while. In fact, I dun deny... He's on my mind every minute ever since the break up on 28 June 2010. Or well, maybe since long way back when we started emailing each other.
but it was him whom taught me to stand up, to stand strong. to realise how far I could actually go for Love. it was him, and maybe still is. Though I couldn't forget how nasty he treated me during the break up, things he said to me, how much I've given in the relationship, how he had dumped me for his own selfish thoughts and every lies and empty promises, that awful situation he has set me in and leaving me alone to settle first for what he couldn't and has to do it slowly.. But I dun hate him. I don't hate him anymore, or maybe I never did. In fact, I'm grateful... He made me whole again, he made me realise so much more, the importance, the priorities of my life... yeah, he always think the break up was doing me a favour. Maybe he's right. He gave me the chance to do what I want again, to be who I am again and to achieve what I probably could never do so with him. Thank you Timmy, Thomas.

Don't worry peeps. I'm doing fine. and dun worry, I've never thought of getting back to him, never thought of doing anything with / to him. When I decided to have Hakuna Matata to go with me for life, I've decided that no matter what I will not look back and give up life so easily anymore. The pain is still there, but I dun need it healed. I feel no more difference with him or without him with me now. I dun deny I miss him. I dun deny I think of those lovely moments once in a while. I dun deny there's so many things I wish he's involved too. I dun deny I still Love him dearly. But I won't deny too, he meant nothing anymore. Although for the moment, I admit I dun wish to have anything to do with him still, but I would never rule out the possibility of seeing him and becoming friends again... but then again, I would never drop a single tear for him anymore. Not anymore.

LOL, oh! maybe one day for a single tear... if he decides to break his last and current promise of returning me what should belongs to me. but I think if that day ever comes, then that'll be so pathetic liao lah....

Anyway, emo time over! LOL. oh well, I ain't really emo lah... just some thoughts that I didn't voice out to anyone... some thoughts that I could never say it out...

Anyway, I'm super busy recently for the preparation of Chalet.. It's approaching!!! 4 more days!!! Excited. and thanks to many many people for preparing and getting busy with me!! Especially Mai Mai, Ivan gege, Cun cun, Janet and Sylvia! and soon I need to drag Mingshu & CK to get busy with us on the actual day!! LOL. Amazing.

That's why I said I'm 50% there. Hakuna matata & touch up done, Chalet almost done. After that will be Taiwan Backpacking (I'm still a little afraid becoz I'm going alone!!!) and lastly a Sabah hiking to end my memorable 2010.

Bedtime now... long day of work later. and still must prepare stuffs for chalet. Exhausted but Loving it.

Hakuna Matata!! Good night world... I Love whatever that's so amazing =)

Love Me No More

2010-08-05T03:11:00.003+08:00

woah... I'm awake for more than 24 hours now. this is crazy. and I should be sleeping already coz I'm so tired... But I just cleared some stuffs in my room... and suddenly, got a little emo? affected? whatever. lol.

anyway, Ended night shift this morning and had been busy liasing with Mai Mai & Cun Cun to assist me on the preparation for the Chalet. How Time flies! Less than a week to the Chalet now..

After making a few phone calls, Bunny choose to do 'mind over body'. LOL. yeah, I went straight out to JB with Sista Janet! Goodness! Anyway, we had Bak Kuteh for lunch at Taman Sentosa again!! Loving it =D It's really really delicious... now, I kinda miss the 发起人肉骨茶 at Balestier too! And we had 爱玉冰 (I think this is how it's call...) drink! It's a very cooling lemon flavoured drink with some kind of jelly... It's really really NICE!!! =D

After that was hair spa at Elle Salon! OMG, this is the 1st time I try out a hair spa and it's really really great! Massage and the treatment was way way way too good to even be described with just words. LOL!

Dinner for Sista Janet & Bunny was SteamBoat behind Plaza Pelangi with Pru & Sam! Half Tom Yam and half Chicken soup... I tell you, it's just god damn perfect. I REALLY LOVE STEAMBOAT JUST TO THE CORE!! LOL. and I have a very nice lady Ms Prunella who constantly pick up food for me!!!! =p LOVES!

oh yah! and I tried Fruit Rojak today. 美味しい　ね!!

oh well... I didn't take picture for whatever that I came across today =( coz I was sooooo sleepy, my body aches like an old lady... LOL.

I really really had tonnes of fun. =D

Song request in the playlist from Dear Mingshu and she said the song is soooo for me.. ??!!! But anyway, thought so that the lyrics are quite meaningful:

Love Me No More by Bardot (song is available on my mixpod playlist on the left)

I toss and turn in bed
Can't get you out of my head
Even though you're so far away
I need you here with me
Oh boy, why can't you see
That I can't live without your love
When I close my eyes
I think of you
Well I wish I had you here with me
But there's nothing I can do, oh oh

[Chorus]
Counting every day that goes by
And the tears that I cry (tears that I cry)
You don't wanna love me no more
Wish that you could hold me tonight
I'm hurting inside
Cause you don't wanna love me
Cause you don't wanna love me
Love me no more

I tried to call your phone
But you ain't been at home
I need to find out where you are
So I can make you see
That you belong with me
For me there is no other love
When I close my eyes
I think of you
I wish I had you here with me
But there's nothing I can do, oh oh

[Repeat chorus]

All I know is that I can't live without you
Ooh, but I wanna know
What made you feel this way
I'll be right here for you (right here for you)
And everything that you do (thing that you do)
But how can I get close to you
When you don't feel the way I do, ah hah

[Repeat chorus to fade]

It's nice... =D Anyway, I just cleared lots of stuffs in my bedroom.. Just chucked everything relating to him in a corner of the storeroom and decided to thow them once I'm strong enough till I think I'm stable to face even him. But somehow, feels a little strange... I dun deny I miss him... But the feeling is different. it's like.... ermmm... I dunno how to describe. Maybe it's like No difference with him or without him. Anyway, I'm moving on =)

gosh... I'm so sleepy now. peeps, pardon me for any spellings or grammar mistakes if there is!

Dun understand... why the need to lie to others? doesn't lying and hiding makes life more difficult and process more tedious? I mean... why can't One just be transparent enough and tell the real truth? did you 'feel' that by doing this it's better in the event you fail? or did you say those because you do not trust what you did as much as we do not trust you?

anyway, good night. I am really really exhausted.

Hakuna Matata!! I'm coming for you in 12 hours time! *LOVES*

Eat Eat Eat Take Take Take... 三八-ing!

2010-08-03T21:12:00.010+08:00

This entry is outing with via via khoo aka sylvia khoo mei ping aka the piglet! LOL!! (coz I got another bestie Sylvia Wong whom I also call her 'via')

LOL! I had fun yesterday! last minute managed to 'Pull' via via khoo to go town with me in the evening before night shift! Sweet of her to accompany me down to Su's Exotic Tattoo to show her my design and my current tattoo for touch up. Su was like "eh.... ur touch up gonna be more tedious than your new tattoo!" LOL! but Su's very busy so no choice I gotta schedule my appointment... THIS COMING THURSDAY!! OMG! lol. after thurs she's packed lah... but no one to accompany me leh.. Janet and Sylvia's both working.. then after that i need to rush back office for OT (broke lah!)... a bit scared even though it's not my 1st time! haha=p but, but, but! Hakuna Matata I'm coming!! wohooooo!

Anyway, since we were at Far East via via suggested to go Wasabi Tei for dinner! =D I went there once with Him and I like it.. so ytd was the 2nd time only! I think I ordered something I like to eat more so now Bunny's loving the food there! oh yeah, Jap food and Pastas are my loves! =D

After that was a walk to opposite Shaw Plaza for cakes at Canele! LOL! we were god damn full already but we still want cakes!!!

Via Via Khoo ordered Bushmen Brew Organic Tea & Le Royale Cake...

Le Royale cake (the long rectangular cake in the pic):
Absolutely a must try! It's the best selling cake at Canele.. Chocolate and Hazenut and layer of sponge and waffles I think... it's like soft and cruchy! very nice! =D

Bushmen Brew:
Normal tea just that with honey smell... which via via couldn't smell it at all! I thought it's very mild but soothing.

I ordered Berry Black Organic Tea & Gateaux Chocolat Cake...

Gateaux Chocolat cake (the square and dark colour one in the pic):
I love this!! I'm not a very moose/ creamy cake person so this cake definitely suits my taste! It's made up of different layers of dark chocolate and flourless sponge, very thick chocolate but not too sweet! really very very nice! for those who like dark choco and 'harder' cakes, try this!

Berry Black:
nice on the 1st cup, it's a little sweet taste like those grape glucose drinks but less sweet. but as the tea bag continue to soak in the hot water, it gets a little too thick to the extent it taste kinda sour.

I remember I went with Clover to Canele at Paragon before and I tried other cakes too. Not sure what were them but I know I did try their Tiramisu. Was a little disappointed... or maybe coz Bakerzin got better Tiramisu!! LOL. but We enjoyed ourselves there, staff was friendly and the environment was very cozy.

Sadly, Service at the Canele Via & I went to yesterday was not very impressive.
We walked in and I asked the staff what time are they closing and he replied me 9.30pm (in a very unsure tone). So I asked "so are you guys still opened?" (as the shop still looks busy). guess what?! he said "u hold on for a while I'll check". goodness... biggest mistake ever! always know what is the operating hours of your shop! imagine, I was already IN the shop... manager came out and told me they're till 10.30pm and he gave his subodinate a stare directly. Worse? They didn't even invite us to take a seat until via via asked "so can we get a seat inside?"

After that was okie... Until they decided to close they warned us 5min before and then just proceed to... switch off the lights! erm, i was a little shocked. For Canele that looks a little classy on the exterior, I was taken aback on how they asked their customers to leave.

but then... you know lah, I'll probably still buy from Canele coz I love their cakes. LOL.

Then via via and I decided to head to the toilet in ION. it was only like 11pm? but the mall was empty and we had the toilet all to ourselves...

So I decided, since ION put in so much effort to build such lovely toilets... we started our, or rather, I started my narcissistic shots in the.... ermmm... toilet... wahahaha=p

I Love this mirror... Can stand there and just be vain...

Via's trying to cover the big pimple on her chest. LOL!

The Bodyshop's LOVE ETC Range advertising in the Toilet... Cool hor?

oops... a little small but this is the room/toilet for the babies and the mothers! I'm surprised it's well equiped with water dispenser and bottle warmer! I refilled my water bottle there... LOL!

ermmmm.... very vain lah I know. But I just wanna show, I slimmed down!!!! LOL. but then... I hope I dun grow fat again from all those eating and playing and skipping yoga classes for like, ahem, 3 weeks already!!! LOL.
*guilty maximum* =(

Okie... I gotta rush for Night shift already. Had lots of fun with buddy via via khoo. She's such a nice and fun loving friend!! =D let's end off this lovely entry with a photo of......

US!!!!
LOL.

Good night people! Enjoy! =D

Impossible

2010-08-02T06:04:00.005+08:00

LOL! Title was for fun! I dunno what to title!

I just got reminded by Kristie's joke... "I prettier or Ou Xuan Prettier??" She asked.

=.=" Love all our responses and reactions and facial expressions! LOL...

Anyway, Came across this song from babe pauline's FB. heard it once but didn't pay attention, a closer ear, Love the lyrics:

IMPOSSIBLE by SHONTELLE (song is available on my mixpod playlist on the left)

i remember years ago
someone told me i should take
caution when it comes to love
i did, i did

and you were strong and i was not
my illusion, my mistake
i was careless, i forgot
i did

and now when all is done
there is nothing to say
you have gone and so effortlessly
you have won
you can go ahead tell them

tell them all i know now
shout it from the roof top
write it on the sky love
all we had is gone now

tell them i was happy
and my heart is broken
all my scars are open
tell them what i hoped would be
Impossible, impossible
impossible, impossible

falling out of love is hard
falling for betrayal is worst
broken trust and broken hearts
i know, i know

thinking all you need is there
building faith on love is worst
empty promises will wear

i know (i know)

and know when all is gone
there is nothing to say
and if you're done with embarrassing me
on your own you can go ahead tell them

tell them all i know now
shout it from the roof top
write it on the sky love
all we had is gone now

tell them i was happy
and my heart is broken
all my scars are open
tell them what i hoped would be
impossible, impossible
impossible, impossible
impossible, impossible
impossible, impossible
ooh impossible (yeah yeah)

i remember years ago
someone told me i should take
caution when it comes to love
i did

tell them all i know now
shout it from the roof top
write it on the sky love
all we had is gone now

tell them i was happy (i was happy)
and my heart is broken
all my scars are open
tell them what i hoped would be
impossible, impossible
impossible, impossible
impossible, impossible
impossible, impossible

i remember years ago
someone told me i should take
caution when it comes to love
i did

=============================

Funny Picture I 'ka-poh' from xinmsn:

WTF right? I wonder how they run... 佩服佩服！

heh heh... god damn busy for the next 4 days.. coz tmr and day after Night shift and then 2 days off so lots of errands to run. Facial then most likely to visit Exotic Tattoo shop to let Su see the design first then can book appointment liao... must also go hunt for my backpack coz I dun have a proper backpack yet. and then Dinner with Via Khoo? alamak... still gotta hunt for my sis Jace's bday prezzie... plus besties via via's and cara's prezzie.. then going JB on wed? then my yoga classes? then preparation for the chalet? need to order part of the food for BBQ on tues... bills also haven't got the time to pay. also haven't got time to visit 乾妈 in JB to collect my stuffs? OMG!!!! August onwards are super broke months... chaim liao.... Bunny is hopping around non stop. LOL.

Good night sweet.

Never Say Never

2010-08-01T03:51:00.002+08:00

I'm blogging.. Because I wanna talk.

But I talked the whole 8 hours on the phone today.

And I'd talked over supper. I had fun. Plus a interesting episode at Spize today (ah, yes, Spize Marathon! LOL.)

Saw a big man getting angry over small stuffs and nearly fought with the poor small size tomboy staff... scary. they were just screaming next to us.

Then Bro John and mai mai observing the large amount of food the group of ah mohs (sitting at next table) ordered..

LOL.

Now back home, I still wanna talk???

Mind's in a blank but I can't sleep... kept thinking about things I wanna do... Tattoo, Bungy rides, Universal Studio, Degree, Rock Climbing, Driving License, learn lots of stuffs, change of environment, change of job, chalet, taiwan trip, sabah trip and more trips...

So many things! but so little money =( How do I work this out?

But... NEVER SAY NEVER! yeah. =)

I'm bored. No comments & chats on blog's tagboard. No interesting things in Facebook. No one's awake like me. No nice pictures to upload. Nothing to do that does not involves money outside...

DIY Yoga now? Do my monthly financial planning? watch DVDs?

Am I just hyperactive at Night, or am I just lazy at work? But I dun feel like doing anything.

Confused little bunny. LOL!

Hakuna Matata. Good night people. Bunny gonna sleep or at least, try to sleep!

睡觉前想的东西...

2010-07-31T07:34:00.004+08:00

如果神给我一个机会回到过去，我不会选择回到和你在一起的那一天...

我想要把时间转到那一个下午...

我不会故意问你：＂我可以吃了吗？＂

而我会说...

＂我很爱你，所有我才会生气落泪。因为我太在乎你。而我现在气头上，你让我消气先再谈好吗？

我从来没有要让你难过生气..
为了堵住气而伤到了你... Baby, 对不起。

Although u hurt me deeply that day too by leaving me all alone and stormed out of the restaurant after a big bang on the table... I don't blame u, I don't hate u still... Because i'll get so hurt if u've said the same thing too...

My biggest regret... For not explaining... My biggest mistake, for saying such stupid thing...

So if I could turn back time, will not be the time of our 1st kiss... but that afternoon to say the right thing...

Yah I know, u can't give a damn. You've MOVED ON. Yes, I know it thru ur big capped msg that day. dun worry I won't hold u back and I'll moved on too.

No I won't be Afraid... woooo.... I WON'T... Be Afraid

2010-07-31T05:24:00.015+08:00

Kept feeling 24 hours is just not enough because I need to do so much stuffs.. yet, kept hoping that time passes faster so I could have all my events and trips soon. Yet kept feeling that time passes too slow at work! LOL. and yet was praying for time to pass slower so I dun grow old so easily! OMG! I'm a confused bunny. LOL.

Stepping into office gives me flashbacks of beautiful memories.. memories of emailing him, having lunch brought by him, having lemon tea as long as his exists in office, hanging out with him below office building, singing K and having lunches with him, becoming his girl in the cinema and having dim sum & Bak Gu Teh for supper together, watching movies and shopping together, buying groceries and furnitures together, assembling the furnitures together, going home together, having steamboats and McDonalds in late nights, being in his arms when I sleep and waking up seeing him smiling at me..... sweet.

are the memories killing me internally slowly? or are the memories just became some small parts of the happiness?

Strangely, I no longer remember much about those sad incidents anymore. perhaps, I also chose not to remember how nasty he was to me during the break up process. LOL.

LOL! dun get pissed with my post I know i know i know, not worth it, dun think about him anymore... Dun worry! Bunny's doing fine and is extremely strong. I ain't crying for him anymore. yup. not anymore. I just miss him a little. you know, like that initial feeling that I kept within me when I was secretly loving him... DUN WORRY! I dun love him anymore. And I won't look for him anymore! BUNNY PROMISE! becoz... 我不想再为他流泪。

别再为他流泪梁静茹 (song is available on my mixpod playlist on the left)

你走了太久一定很累
他错了不该你来面对
离开他就好就算了心情很干脆

他其实没有那么绝对
远一点你就看出真伪
离开他不等于你的世界会崩溃
转个弯你还能飞

就别再为他流泪
别再让他操控你的伤悲
就算有一点愚昧一点点后悔
也不要太狼狈

他不值得你的泪
把那遗憾留在大雨的街
你曾在迷失的旅途中盲目追
以后为自己醉

每段感情都非常珍贵
他的好你就放在心扉
记得有个人曾让你那样的心醉

你笑了照亮夜幕的黑
什么梦都不比你的美
多少年以后想起他还有些体会
那些你已无所谓

就别再为他流泪
别再让他操控你的伤悲
就算有一点愚昧一点点后悔
也不要太狼狈

他不值得你的泪
把那遗憾留在大雨的街
你曾在迷失的旅途中盲目追
以后为自己醉 / (以后管他是谁)

see? This song is just FOR ME. I won't cry for him and feel sad anymore. =)

Anyway, enjoyed myself so much these few days. Been hanging out with close friends and besties. Also preparing for my chalet and trips. Busy to the max! LOL.

Another song for Bunny! =D Somehow written all that I WANTED to tell him... Realised I capped my 'WANTED'? becoz I no longer feel sad and is moving on... This was what I wanna tell him when I decided to let him go...

张靓颖 - 如果这就是爱情 (song is available on my mixpod playlist on the left)

你做了选择对的错的
我只能承认心是痛的
怀疑你舍得我被伤的那麽深
就放声哭了何必再强忍

我没有选择我不再完整
原来最后的吻如此冰冷
你只能默认我要被割舍
眼看著你走了

如果这不是结局如果我还爱你
如果我愿相信你就是唯一
如果你听到这里如果你依然放弃
那这就是爱情我难以抗拒

如果这就是爱情本来就不公平
你不需要讲理我可以离去
如果我成全了你如果我能祝福你
那不是我看清是我证明我爱你

灰色的天空无法猜透
多余的眼泪无法挽留
什麽都牵动感觉真的好脆弱
被呵护的人原来不是我

我不要你走我不想放手
却又不能够奢求同情的温柔
你可以自由我愿意承受
把昨天留给我

And yes, This song is my story. This song's meant to prove "Letting you go was not becoz I've see things through, but because I really Loved you."

I did truly fell in Love. perhaps the most painful ever. LOL. but well, people fall and people learn and then people grow. It's my process of growing up. At least I understood what is the meaning of true love. You know... the whole process of being with him to the day when I got dumped.... it was painful. very. but it made me realised so much so much... saw who are the true friends who'll be there, saw how much my whole family loves me, saw how much effort my friends put in for me, saw how encouraging my friends are, my bosses are, and even nice aunties from my workplace and even even, strangers! LOL. if I never fall, I'll probably never know. Never knew how loved I am... becoz I'll just surround myself around him and made him my world. then i realised not true, the world's so big... it has to be made up with many many different parts. He should be just one part of all and not all of the parts. And then I realised, I was just a very very very small part of his all. Perhaps, not even bigger than Singapore in the world map. LOL!

And folks, I assure you once again. BUNNY IS ALRIGHT!! just some thoughts you know, not like hanging on to him or the past lah. okie? =D

Now... Some pictures to 'blink' up my entry! =p

I WANNA GET IPHONE 4!!!!!!! BLACK ONE!! LOL. Everyone's interested in the white. but bunny's more of a 'black' person! LOL. reserved and is still waiting and my patience is running out!! haha=p but then hor, I'm also very broke now lah... thanks to all the air tickets and the climbing package lah! so sad!

that doublechin boy just commented the symbol that I wanna tattoo on my neck looks like tadpole! KNS lor. anyway, it's the Hakuna Matata symbol... =D

Dun worry... it's just gonna be a very small one on my neck somewhere near to back of my ear.. haven't done it yet. very much want to though! gonna make a visit to exotic tattoo to look for famous Su soon...

This is the one and only tattoo I have currently (although the かcharacter was not done correctly! LOL!) ...

Alright I'm not addicted to tattooing! Every tattoo I decided to get have a meaning... I thought of 3 years before I got my 1st one. Which I had the artist to design it to what I described personally. So you most likely won't see another person with the same purple star tattoo with the same "Takara" wording (which if you realised, it's similar to my own handwritten hiragana, which once again I shall remind the か was not copied correctly... hahaha!) as what I have now unless they've got the same idea too or unless the artist did it for someone too coz he took a photo after I've got this...

As for the Hakuna matata symbol... I'd always wanted it but I didn't dare to get it. As for that, i believe someone out there has it liao lah... but I simply love the meaning.

Oh yah! Anyway, just for laugh... let's take a look at some funny and kinda stupid tattoos:

Can someone tell me WHY??? WHY DOES HE WANNA ANNOUNCE TO THE WORLD THAT HE IS STUPID?? Anyway, that was a god damn stupid idea.

Good one isn't it? Mothers could do this to keep their children entertained while they're having high tea with their friends. LOL!

And yes damn it. this is madly, crazily, disgusting. and plain dumb. WTH right? Artistic to some, but definitely NOT ME!

Alright... time to hit the bed for the sleepy head! Good night people. Sweet dreams! =)

The day's just gonna get better =) Dun give up Bunny!　がんばって　ね！=)

Hakuna Matata!!!

六六!!

2010-07-30T05:11:00.017+08:00

Title 六六 (pronouced as liu liu )means Six Six in Chinese...

LOL. why the sudden "Six Six"? I have a gigantic yet god damn adorable green seahouse name Liu Liu!! I was just looking at it... then I rmb my lucky moment =) I won Six Six in a game at the theme park in genting.. The game was to drop 6 pingpong balls into a machine clown's mouth and it will roll out into 6 different rows with numbers. You gotta have the numbers add up to be lesser than a certain number or bigger than a certain number to win this gigantic seahouse! I failed the first few times and I finally won it!!! by getting ALL my 6 pingpong balls into No.6 Row!! Lucky ain't I? The game stall uncle told me that was the 1st time he had a customer having all balls in No.6 Row.... that's how Six Six came about!

六六's almost half of Bunny's size!! LOL.

yup... Life's like that... Many things unexpected. Looking at a unpredictable tomorrow. Fall down once, get up and try again... Luckier things, happier things just come your way. =) I'm a extremely lucky girl... I lost something, I always gain something. I lost him, but I gained endurance and knowledge. I got to know Cherish... and I cherish everyone who gave me a hand for all these while to pull me out when I was sinking in the pool of quicksand. I cherish every moments I had and will be having... =)

And yes, tomorrow will always be a better day, a luckier day.

I have so many things I need to do!! But I'm not doing! Bills are in a mess, stomach's calling me to refill it, bed's asking me to sleep on it soon! dumpy and blue bun want me to hug them! LOL. and what's bunny doing now??....

blogging... LOL!

I am so excited about the chalet and my taiwan backpacking and my sabah hiking! I just can't wait for the day to come!

and I wanna go for some rock climbing courses... like getting some cert so I can climb without those pros doing the belaying. but it's freaking expensive! and I dunno where to start...

though I'm doing Hot Yoga still... but kinda slack a lot leh... lazy to wake up for classes. NO!!!! Bunny must buck up lah!

and can I go learn dances?? sigh... money money and still money. kns. 财神爷！请让我的爸爸妈妈和哥哥一直中4D 和 Toto 可以吗??!! LOL!

then again.. they strike lottery also their money. not mine. LOL!

Nice Right????!!!! I dunno where is this but If only I can climb on it!! Omg... Loves! Imagine standing on it enjoying the breeze and the clear blue sea...

And this! I thought the side of the rock looks like a skull... A little scary formation but it looks like a pretty nice rock to climb... Especially with the view.

Btw, I stole these pictures fom Facebook Climbing Group's photo album!
LOL! hope i dun get sued for copyrights... though I did say its origin! heez...

Oh, dearest Joey sent me a very meaningful email in office today... I thought I could copy in the contents here......

How true... I stupidly made him the priority of my life... But I guess I was just an option in his life...

So now, I stop saying. I start doing. things that I truly enjoy =)

When I woke up... He's still the 1st thing I think of. but it's no longer painful nor sad. becoz he was just a dream. I'm chasing Not that dream, but chasing after every other dreams of my life =)

Yah, and it's not too late for me. I don't need to change... but I won't cry for someone who don't care for me and I won't care for someone who don't cry for me. Not Anymore.

Heez... I gotta learn this though.

I want to and I will... =)

My current situation? I may not be loved by him, but I'm well loved by my family and friends.

Meaningful aren't they? Very true too isn't it? Thanks Joey for the email!!! =D

I read LZ's blog and I feel very... hmmm... sweet. I find her a very nice and strong girl. And I feel (like I said, I FEEL lah.. My personal opinion lah...) strangely we have some similarities. I mean, I'm Not comparing myself to her nor am I trying to create any coindences or you know.. Just that when I read her past entries... it feels like I am reading my own story. and the things she blogged... was kinda like... a person experiencing many sorts of emotions.. which is like... I'm like this too.. LOL! Most Similar part were we both fell for the same guy, cry for the same guy, hated the same guy and relunctantly letting go of the same guy! LOL!! nahz... I am just illustrating becoz I'm feeling a lot of mixed emotions now. But I find her braver and cooler! Anyway, very strangely I dun feel any jealousy or negative feelings towards her.. I just find her very genuine too. I envy her diving pictures! the underwater world's so nice! too bad bunny can't swim..... grrrr.... LOL. alright, I shall continue enjoying the nice Land world. LOL!
Once again, Bunny is NOT comparing her and me or purposely finding similarities to pity myself hor!!! LOL. though I admit lah, Bunny's more emo and I blog more personal stuffs (may be good & bad thing lor) lah... LOL!

Anyway... I wanna do my tattoo and get my Iphone 4 soon... BUT I'M GOD DAMN BROKE! SHITTY! lol.

good night everybody! Bunny's gonna hit her baby bed soon. hakuna matata! =D

Hakuna Matata! =D

2010-07-29T05:12:00.011+08:00

こんにちわ！

I slept very little these day.. I think I'm addicted to blogging!! LOL. nahz.. schedule's kinda packed.. busy but yet very happy & satisfying =D oh yah, I finally break the news to my parents about my pathetic super short 5 days Taiwan backpacking trip.. oh! before that will be 2 days of relaxation with sista Janet in KL! heez... dad & mum seemed kinda worried though.. coz of my gastric condition.. but I promised them I'll bring my bag of medicines and careful with what i eat. I guess they pretty much dun have a choice... coz I already booked my flight tickets and hostel stay! hehehe... feel kinda guilty but hope they understand, I really really need a getaway this badly.

Papa & mummy are very relunctant to let me go for my Sabah Mt. Kinabalu Hiking Trip in November.. said it's about my ankle injuries and my gastric condition again... sigh, it's always about my poor health. I'm borned lack of calcium and becoz of my health conditions I often injured myself or fall sick... so my parents are extremely worried about my hiking trip. but it's not my 1st time hiking! I always like climbing and hiking... so I asked dad "If becoz of all these health reasons that I don't do it now, can I do it at the age of 80?"

silence from dad...

sometimes, it's sad to know that you're restricted from doing things because of health conditions. come to think of it... in the past, I always hid it from dad and mum.. I always confirm it or do it before telling them.. OBS, rock climbing, hiking at Mt. Ophir etc... I'm sorry I always went my own ways and made you guys worried. But I really love doing it. and I want to do it... before I can't do them anymore.. I'm Sorry Papa & Mummy.

But I think Dad & Mum knows =) they knew since I was a child, I had that passion for climbing. One interesting recollection: Mum came back from Muar one day and told me she went to do fortune telling of me. The fortune teller said to her in mandarin "Your daughter ah, weak health, accident prone but love to climb here climb there... tell her to be careful coz she's accident prone!"

LOL!! Ever since then... Mummy super duper 'anti' my activities lor! as long as she hears the word "爬" (means climb in mandrin)!

Still, sorry mum! I Need and I Want to go for my Hiking Trip.

So looking forward towards the chalet and trips! =)

hmmm. Looking back on my entries I realised I'm moving on slowly well. A little pessimistic in my past entries though. Sigh, no matter how nasty he was to me during the break up, no matter how untrue were his words of break up, no matter how different he does whatever things now, no matter how much I suffered during and after the r/s... I guess, I did Loved him very much before, I was very happy with him before, I was very comfortable with everything I did with him. Although leaving him gave me much more opportunities to do lots of things and feeling more relieved in every aspects... I guess... I just want to believe that his love for me Was True... slowly I wanna forget everything about him... everything. Except forgetting My Belief of his true love for me. I never knew if it was true or not... becoz he could be telling me the truth, he could also be telling me the lies... whatever it is. I just wanna believe I was really Loved by him. other than that, I just wanna forget... Forget every little things, every little parts of him. Forget about Tiggy, forget about Timmy, Forget about Thomas Chew.

yup! And I'll be brave and strong and mighty! LOL. nahz... I think travelling alone is kinda brave thing to do. Say Yes! (if not bunny will kill u! hahahaha!)

anyway, went out with Janet for Dinner at Crystal Jade Bugis today then to ION to buy her mum's birthday present. Went in to Sephora and I came across Harajuku Lovers (Perfumes) by Gwen Stefanie! (Btw, I'm a Perfumes lover freak cum collector...) OMG!! I LOVE IT!! I always wanted to get them when I saw the advertisement on the magazines but I always didn't buy it... =( Becoz each 10ml bottle cost SGD38... There's currently 2 ranges - Harajuku Lovers and Harajuku Sunshine Cuties... so 10 bottles = SGD380... ermmmm..... *Bunny check her wallet* cannot lah...

Aren't they adorable!! I didn't get to smell each of every bottle though but those that I smelled, smells great! Lasting or not, not very sure since I haven't try before.. oh well, I told sista Janet that I shall tell everyone to buy me one bottle if they ever want to get me a gift... LOL!! Christmas, birthday, Valentines' Day... Whatever lah! LOL!!!

Anyway, I had lots of laughter gossiping with her lor... super 三八lah the both of us. LOL!

After that went to meet Bestie Via and we made our way down to Timbre @clark quay! Nice place =) cooling and relaxing. nice half&half pizza and lovely drinks. of coz, not forgetting a cute miami hunk who chatted with us and helped us took a few photos. sweet...

Oh... After Timbre was Dessert and Tea at Nectarie.. We ordered the Red Wine Strudel, Morrocan Mint Tea and Rose Bud tea. It was good! though service was not up to my expectation as nobody served us when we walked in, we gotta call out for the staff to give us the menu actually.. And lots of cakes were sold out already (but then we also very late lah, we reached there like 1am plus lor...) but after calling the staff to take our order, her patience in recommendation of desserts makes me a little happier =)

Red wine strudel was fabulous! They actually uses pears soaked in red wine and chilled! The red wine pears were crunchy yet smooth.. Coupled will cold custard cream and crispy ice-ing crust. One word - YUMMY!! best part? It stated SGD6.50 in the bill... (I expected it to be more expensive! I never check the price before ordering... LOL!)

Morrocan Mint tea was good... extremely minty, smells a little tinge of ginger (but it's actually lemongrass) and very smoothing... Good for after intake of alcohol for someone with gastric condition. =)

Rose Bud tea was so-so. Very mild taste of rose... Not very impressive.. But overall, I like it there! =D

Oh! before we went to Nectarie, we actually stopped by at G Max to take a look at the Singapore Bungy Jump and Bungy Swing... I SO WANNA PLAY IT!!!! But need to save money for my trips =( Plus both Via and I were wearing... ermmm.... Mini Skirts. LOL.

Look!! So cool right?! I so wanna go for it! One day!! =p

Alrighty.. OT time later. gotta earn more for my trips! LOL. Hopefully I can go my Hot yoga class too!

Good Night!! Hakuna matata!

Hakuna matata is a beautiful phrase from Swahili language (Swahili is spoken mainly in Kenya and Tanzania in East Africa). In short that means “no worries for the rest of days”, or simply "No worries".. Forget your troubled past and forget your worries.

明白什么叫做“珍惜”

2010-07-27T12:45:00.009+08:00

wow! it's been a crazy crazy week! I had lots of Fun hanging out with Besties and Sistas and Darling girls! in the last one week that feels forever, I experienced so many types of feelings! Depressed, Jealous, Anger, Happiness, Satisfaction and finally Peace... or should I say it's generosity? Anyway, I just know that I'd a day which I was so greatly awaken, I realised I shld stop wasting time like him. yeah... so I make my 1st daring step for a few things.

Alright, let's leave the most exciting part to the end of this entry lah hor? LOL! suspense suspense suspense... See what I'd done for the last one week??

hehe=p God damn delicious Korean BBQ in JB! *drool*
Bestie Prab drove us there for dinner. This is the 1st time I actually enjoyed Korean Food! Boss-cum-Chief is a true blue korean man who's really friendly! Look at the steamed egg, one word - Fabulouso!

I love going JB... Though I love going Muar even more! LOL! yah yah, half a malaysian kid, I kinda like staying in Malaysia. People there are not so particular... hmmm... how should I say? less stressful? So far, friends and relatives from Malaysia could be so much more 'open' in terms of speech. Like... Bunny sometimes talk without thinking straight and may be offensive. Instead of getting offended, they either hack-care or they directly clarify with u. oh well, or at least that what I thought when I communicate with my cousins. =p

Darling Girls Dinner @ Bukit Timah! Loves! After Dinner was a chill out session at the nearby Old Town. Simply enjoy their company.. understanding and humourous and supportive. They're the reasons to my belief in Forever Friends. =)

Steamboat @ Bugis with Sista Janet!!! Gosh, I always Love Steam Boat! Really! If I do not have gastric problem, if I dun get fat so easily, I could almost steamboat everyday!! LOL. And guess what? I learnt a new skill... I KNOW HOW TO EAT CRAB FINALLY!!! with the help of the equipment (which I dunno what is the name for that! LOL!). Of coz, if you gimme crab to eat with just my hands and teeth, I'll probably.... not eat it. haha! After steamboat was dessert at Ah Chew Dessert stall opposite the steamboat place! Extreme Full... LOL. thanks to sista.

Looks great isn't it? Too bad I dun have those super pro kind of camera and too bad I dun have the knowledge for it! I'm so into taking pictures! Anyway, Bestie Via and I realised we haven't took any photo since Poly I think! so we decided to chill out at Marina Bay Sands, enjoying the breeze and night lightings scenery and take photos! Loves! It's really beautiful there... just too bad there's still lots of constructions going on and nothing much except for the pretty building structures.

Saw these cute drawings by 8 years old kids at YOG Park!:

I thought this one looks like La Bi Xiao Xing 蜡笔小新! damn cute hor? =)

Took this... coz it's so cute!!! Innocent drawing... I never knew Merlion looks like that! LOL.

Alright... confession time... =(
I'm doing good now that I have stopped thinking about him as much as before... the fact that I've deleted everything and forgotten his phone number helps a lot.
But there's one thing I really cannot cannot get over... is that he had came up with so many excuses to dump me, yet he still expects me to understand that his selfish actions were actually doing him and me good. And he expected me to buy his stories that we cannot get along etc and now he's actually 'finding his ways' to close the chapter between him and LZ be it gd or bad...

To close the chapter between him and LZ somehow became like a lie. It's more like... He wanted to get back close with LZ again. it's more like... he wanted to close the chapter in a good way.

He said he wants singlehood, he said he never been single for more than 5 days in the last dunno how many years. Let's see... how long is he going to enjoy this singlehood. If LZ decided to return to him, i give him 3mths? LOL.. yeah, lulu is right. Thomas is someone who can never stand loneliness (although he always claims he is independent and can be alone. Not for long was what answered to me by others).

Though I very much wish to believe he really did truly love me... somehow his actions now made me feel like I was a substitute for his loneliness. Of coz, also became like a tool for him to get away from Ms Jail. I never understood how someone could made the most promises in the world and break them like they never meant anything. worse still was that he thinks I dun get it when it was his actions and words dun tally. I never understood how could someone at his age never realised what he did was so contradicting. did he even realises that what he did made me feel like a spare tyre? but yeah, ah lin is right, like as if he cares. He dun cares. so why bother thinking?

the fact is he never cherished me... and all his current actions has caused him to portray himself as a liar. (yah I know, as if he cares since he created wonderful stories to me, he could do it to anyone) I finally understood why friends including myself alway commented he has play-boy look. it's not so much of the physical looks, rather, it was his actions i guess. yeah, lovely auntie susan actually told me this today that she was not shocked about our break up (LOL. she is the 1st one and only one i heard so far, not shocked about it. haha!). she was telling me that he gave her a impression of a immature boy not wanting responsibilities and commitments but just play. Not worth my tears, effort and love. sigh, I know. But forking out so much in every aspects for him, makes me wanna hate him now. yet I dunno how. I never really hated anyone. I guess... Forgiven him, but not forgotten yet.

though becoz of many issues, especially some sensitive ones, made me feel like...... He didn't know what he did makes him look super No-Pride (I dunno what's a correct word for this... 没尊严) Discussed this topic and conclusion came out that... if we are him, we won't do such a thing... it's just 超丢脸 for a guy.

Anyway, Ah lin and Prab and few others commented to me about his FB shoutouts. they were telling me it's god damn juvenile to do a countdown. Nobody is stupid enough to leave a work place with a bad impression. should... 好聚好散... becoz you'll never know one day you may need help from anyone, or just imagine one day it happened your ex-bosses become your bosses again. what will be your career impression? sigh, i dunno why did he do that. ever since he came back from Taiwan, things he's been doing (let's not say about those for our break up) has just become very... juvenile is the right word provided to me. I mean... I'm not trying to put him down... Just feel very sad. like where was that guy I always admire went to?

and juvenile reminds me of that one saturday when he was upset with the cab uncle's attitude... He just threw the money to the uncle and forced me and himself out of the cab in the middle lane of a busy road. sigh. i hated that moment. it was god damn childish... I just didn't have a chance and a heart to tell him that.

it makes me wonder... why did I shed so much tears for him... and why... am I still in Love with him? well, apparently he's doing very good with LZ now. even recommended her the brand of corns he likes, which is of what he used to make cup corns for both of us.

Love is so fragile. I never knew. I always thought love is so meaningful and great that it could moves me to tears. yet now, it was that fragile-ness that brought tears to me.

Anyway, enough of him! LOL. just a moment of emo-ing and Bunny will be strong again! LOL. I know I know he's not worth it.. 我知道了啦! I just kind of miss that responsible mature and caring timmy I used to know. But I'm looking forward. I know I deserve a better guy whom I dun have to suffer with. Especially emotionally & financially. LOL!!!

Actually... becoz of the break up.. I really see through lots of things. kinda like grew up overnight. in a way, forced to grow up actually. LOL. but I realised I really have a lot of people loving me... even friends that I didn't managed to contact often.. My family and friends really care alot.. I'm so glad I really had a lot of people to pull me up when I fall. Understood the meaning of 'Cherish', understood how important they are to me now... 明白什么叫做“珍惜”。Everybody... thanks for being there =D I really dunno how else to thank u guys.

Anyway, time to reveal that mystery that's making me sooooooo excited!:

1)
10 Aug 2010 - I organised a chalet for me and close pals from citi shift team!!

2)
22 Aug 2010 - (I know this is very SUA GU but yes....) My 1st time taking plane! LOL. I'll be flying to KL with Sista Janet for 2 days...

3)
24 Aug 2010 - Damn crazy... I'll be flying off ALONE from KL to backpack in Taipei Taiwan for 5 days!! I hope I could stay longer though but kinda last minute decision so in the end could only do it for 5 days... really gonna be budget and explore. of coz, I found a comfortably looking hostel near to Taipower MRT station.

My 1st Daring Step, also a breaking point... you know, I'm a super duper timid bunny so I never really dare to sleep alone at unfamiliar places.. plus I'd never been further than Genting lah! LOL! Sista Janet and I both are very proud of myself lor! LOL!! hahaha=p this time going alone sounds scary to me actually but yet, exciting! I got so many places I wanna visit!! Bunny 加油! oh peeps! if anyone of you has any books or maps or guides or tips etc on Taipei, PLS PLS PLS LEND ME & TEACH ME!! =D

4)
14 Nov 2010 - 5D4N trip to Sabah with Bestie Via... We gonna do climbing to submit of Mt Kinabalu in 2 days... so I gonna start doing quite a bit of training now.. coz most likely will be a little 'xiong' since it's to reach the top in 2 days.

5)
Gonna get one more tattoo... a small one on the side of my neck near to my ear most likely... holy shit. LOL. I hope Daddy & Mummy won't scold and my stupid Sis Janice won't 有样学样! becoz everytime she does something, always very extreme!!! then it became 大姐's fault!!! Pls Pls Pls!! Don't!! LOL.

LOL.... 5 events... enough huh? Looks like I gonna eat bread for the next 1/2 year man... and chiong for OT le lah... Hopefully in the meanwhile I could find a job that pays well too... Really wish to change environment... though I can't bare to leave Citi... I really like my friends here... and job wise I actually find it okie... but really hated the flashbacks of our story in office. Guess, it's time i learn some new skills too...

Phew. Long Long entry again. it's 3pm now and I was back from Night shift at 11am (after breakfast with sista Janet and Via Via Khoo) and I'm still blogging... goodness. gotta wake up in 4hrs time for a movie date. LOL.

Good night peeps! good afternoon peeps! good day peeps! LOL.

Hakuna Matata =)

别再为他流泪 (Translation: Don't Cry because of him anymore)

2010-07-25T00:35:00.003+08:00

~别再为他流泪~ 是梁静茹的歌... I love this song... I've been repeatedly listening to it for at least 2 whole days and I'm not sick of it yet... it's a song which somehow give me peace & strength to move on... You can watch the MV (i have in the ipod list on the left side of my blog =p) and you'll realise it's a song that is really motivating for whoever out of love...

ahem. I'm posting an entry about Facing Break Up today. which i supposed whoever that reads it gonna be quite skeptical towards my own opinions, especially coming from someone just out of love. LOL! but then again... last 1 mth has been really tough for me. I pulled through still!! and at least for now I feel happy and relieved. I just want this experience to be recorded as a lesson for me... I want to record down the encouragement and advices from others who helped me one way or another to pull through this.
and also, i hope whoever out there (be it the guy or the girl, although the following will be describing like it's for girls only, becoz it's my own experience mah...) feeling depress, helpless, heartbroken from a r/s could stand up soon... no matter how tough the break up is, remember you're not alone. So Stand Up Soon.

1. You're not alone

You can never imagine the number of people I spoke to in the last one month, the number of people who feel sad with me, who hugged me, brought me out, hear me cry on the phone, watched me rot on the bed, watched me walk around like a zombie, posted encouragements for me in Facebook, texted me. There are not only my family members, but my friends, colleagues but even strangers! this was said to me by many close friends "LOOK AROUND, YOU'RE NOT ALONE!"

and keep that in mind, whoever that accompanied me are not just singles... which means, it's not becoz they are Free / Lonely that's why they do it. family and friends care! I even have a friend who drove me around like a Chauffeur and I was crying on a friend's shoulder (who is the girlfriend) at the BACK SEAT. they didn't mind a bit at all...

TALK TO SOMEONE! DON'T CRY ALONE! IT'S CRUEL TO YOURSELF.

Don't feel despair. Don't feel like the world's ended. I know it's easier to say than to do it. But I felt it too. I felt like dying, in fact, I wanted to die.. I repeatedly asked myself "why? what went wrong? what can i do to bring him back?" I wanted to sleep and never wake up. I didn't want to eat, I didn't want to drink, I didn't want to move at all. I only wanted to cry and sleep and hoping I'll never open my eyes again.

You know what happened in the end? I got so depressed I fell so sick. I fainted a few times (becoz I never eat & drink mah... ), I vomitted every intake of food becoz of my gastric problem. I had fever and migraine, my low blood sugar problem acted up and I was god damn miserable... Did he return? No he didn't. He didn't even text to ask how are you feeling. He didn't even says I'm sorry for everything but I hope you'll get well soon. He wasn't even there! not physically, not emotionally! Whenever I text him to tell him how much I missed him, I received either No-Reply or I received a cold nasty reply that got me more worked up.

Where is the Love? My dear, there's no more love. When someone broke up with you giving you tonnes of explanation and excuses, he/she no longer loves you.

Of coz I'm not saying about those dramatic scenario like "he has a terrible illness and he left you for the better of you having himself suffers alone silently".

I'm talking about the scenario where he/she tells you "I think we're not compatible." / "I cannot forget my ex." / "I think we need to give each other space to grow and take things naturally." / "I want to forcus on career." / "I want to concentrate on studies." or worse, silent break ups.

And yeah, almost all the reasons above were his reasons to break up with me. And how did he break that news to me? By SMS. yes, I ain't lying. It's BY SMS. We talked only becoz I called him back immediately and I rushed down to see him immediately. Yeah, that was how courageous he was, to break up with me over an SMS. I wasn't even worth an effort to have my number dialed to be told of the break up. So why cry for a guy who choose such un-glam way of breaking up?

Don't ask me why. I could only think of One reason now, he was afraid of telling me he has a change of heart. (though what most people will say is I dun do it over phone / face to face becoz I dun wanna hurt her. Or becoz I dun wanna see her cry etc... Whatever, if that person cares, this won't even come.)

So back to the point, where was the person who promised he'll go through thick & thin with you when you needed him most?? Somewhere out there? Maybe singing K or drinking with a bunch of friends, smsing someone else, playing games or watching movies, simplest term - Having Fun. Finding ways to forget the fact that they just torn someone apart. Finding ways to escape. And what were you doing? Crying? Praying? Trying to find ways to turn back times? Where is the person when you're sufferring? Look around, who were the ones there?

my very personal experience - my dad & mum, my best friends, my sistas, my close friends, even our mutual friends. But Not Him...

You're Not Alone. You dun need him.. In fact, he wasn't even there. Cherish those who were there. Feel thankful for those who were there.

2. Love Yourself, Love those who love you true.

Don't make things difficult for yourself. Dun bother to sacrifice. He already has a change of heart what's makes you think He'll come back for the sacrifices you've made? Even if he do comes back how long could it last? Becoz he dun have a choice? Becoz he pity you? So no choice he needs to return to your side! That's not Love. honestly, when he doesn't loves you anymore, when he has someone elses in his heart, he won't care for you.

A friend, a mother of two, a very capable and positive woman, said this to me "No one is worth you hurting yourself for. No one is worth your tears. Men are like cockroaches, you can't get rid of them, but you can live without them."

Imagine this scene:
You died. Your family, your friends, every of your close ones weep at your funeral. He/She felt bad, guilty, miserable etc... 3 yrs down the road, he found someone new, got married, live happily ever after. He's moved on. Your family? still touching your photo, feeling that pain, asking themselves why were you so silly?

You think he really gonna die for the fact that you ended your life becoz of him and join you at the faraway land??? NO! So... dun hurt yourself. I know it's hard. Becoz I did too... And now that I see the light, i feel silly. what for? He wasn't nice to me at all during the break up. Nasty is the only word I can think of.

3. Protect yourself

Unless it is a mutual break up, If not there's no such thing as "Friends is the next best level to go to if we cannot remain as lovers". No way. At least Not at the moment. Pls, while you're trying to heal that deep wound in you, you need to learn how to become from Lovers to Friends overnight? Don't. Respect yourself. Why clinge on to someone who doesn't cherish you? Dun buy that stories of sometimes we could meet up for dinner and movies, sometimes if you wanna find a place to getaway you are always welcome at my place. Why give yourself that hope that one day you guys gonna fall in love again? What if you don't? And you have to look at him as his friend and one day he comes telling you "Hey, I think I like this girl etc....."

And yes, it happened to me. I was told by him that he wants that "attached but not attached, Single but not really single" kind of r/s. I was told he still enjoys my company but he don't wanna be attached. in another words, he dun wanna commit. he wanna have choices where he could continue finding someone "more suitable"... Pls! eventually if he don't, he comes back to you? Doesn't that makes you the spare tyre???

I actually gave in to what he wanted intially... then I realised, how miserable i was. How pathetic I was. I am a friend whom he claims he cares very much for. But when I needed him he will not be there! When I needed someone to talk to he wasn't even available! But when he needed me I stupidly went to him. When he was lonely, I will accompany him. Look, I wasn't even being treated as a friend if you noticed. I was not even given a respect as a friend...

He flirted with me when he wants to. He gave me cold shoulders when he was occupied. I was not a friend whom he cares. But a friend with benefits. And when I mention this, my "friend with benefits" does not mean Fuck Buddies (though I knw that's the actual meaning), but I meant a friend who could keep him occupied when he is lonely while he sources for someone who interests him more.

So protect yourself. There is no need to force yourself to do things for someone else. A friend doesn't makes you so miserable. None of my friends make me that miserable. He is the 1st one. So he's not even worth a friend's trust. Not until one day you could face him as a friend again.

4. Removal

I feel so much better when I dun check on him anymore. My best friend told me, the more you went to check out on someone, the more you know, the more miserable you are. Yes, do a clean up. Remove whatever that you saw and will bring tears to your eyes. I deleted his phone numbers, I deleted all his messages, photos on my phone and ipod (though i kept those on my computer in some folders that I would never check till one day I'm comfortable of deleting every memories), I chucked whatever things that reminds me of him into some corners and threw those that I dun need, I deleted all our photos on Facebook and I hide him away from the newsfeed. I actually can't quite remember his phone number already but I dun care. Remove him... Dun torture yourself. If he doesn't treats you well, U DON'T NEED him.

and yes, i stopped reading his profile. I stopped going to his Ex Gfs' blogs. I feel so much better.
I carry on with my life... I'm enjoying myself with my friends and family.

And I start healing my health. I take my medicines regularly (you know how much I hated meds!) so my gastric ulcers can slowly recover. I looked fresher, more cheerful now. I started planning things for myself. I planned a chalet gathering, I planned an overseas trip in Aug 2010, I planned an overseas hiking trip with a best friend in Nov 2010. You know all these... will never happen when I was with him. It takes ages for something to happen when you have to do it with him. Now I dun have to, I feel perfectly fine as well. Then I realised, with him or without him, it makes no difference in my life. In fact, I am more efficient. Or at least, back to the normal efficient me.

So move on. Let him be of no difference in your life. You dun have to live a better life, you dun have to curse him for a lousier life. Makes no difference. He makes no difference in your life. You are still the same you, cheerful and lovely. soon, there will be someone who admires you for who you are, who appreciate you for what you did. Don't frown, don't cry, because someone out there who cares for you more loves your smile.

5. Get a Hug.

Yes, get a hug from whoever close to you. your buddies, your girlfriends, your besties, your family members. Enjoy that... I am still seeking for and enjoying warm hugs from others who care for me. Just... Find a Hug. Find a shoulder. Enjoy the fact that you have so many who you can count on. And not some worthless guy who couldn't treat you right.

LOL. long entry... phew. Let's all give a big big hug!! haha=p Thanks for all who were there. I am so much happier now... And I hope whoever out there who's falling, or fell, pls stand up soon... Dun worry. Everything's gonna be fine when you stand up. It's not so bad after all. =)

がんばってね　見んなさん！=)

No difference =)

2010-07-24T06:01:00.003+08:00

hey readers! sorry about those emo entries! especially to those who got worried about me!! Dun worry! Bunny's a strong girl and I WILL MOVE ON!! =D

so f*ck those emo entries. having Timmy, without Timmy, my life goes on and you made no difference.

no difference in my life. =) I am still the same Rikka aka TaKaRa aka Bunny aka Bao Ping! =p
I am a happy single girl now who has a lot of nice things coming up to plan, tonnes of good friends who are always there and never left... and lots of things waiting for me!!

driving license, buying my honda fit (okie, I dun mind a Mini Van too! LOL!), my degree / certs, more rock climbing & hiking, travelling, setting up my biz... here I come!! I am gonna work so hard!

although... I will never forget those beautiful memories. Tiggy Rest In Peace. Pls watch over me in heaven. oh well, tiggy's just a super-love-me hubby figure... lol.

二哥&外公... if like what was said you guys are really watching over us, Pls gimme the strength to go on, protect me and let me find happiness in everything! 二哥, although you never had that chance to live, I will love you still as a brother. becoz we are one family. Ohana means family, family means nobody get left behind or forgotten. I know somewhere out there, you took care of all of us. sometimes, I wonder, if you're alive, probably I will not be borned. I owe my life to you... (and I rmb how lucky Mummy & I were to survive through that tough labor... rmb my life was in such critical stage.) I didn't have a chance to say thank you... Thank you... if you could hear me.

and sorry... when I thought of leaving... I'm sorry.

yeah... i was supposed to have 2 elder brothers.

I hope kor kor (as in my 大哥）gonna start up a biz with me soon... we actually had a quick talk about this and I kind of... got very excited. I wish, or rather, it's a goal I wanna make it happen. Kor Kor 加油！Bunny 加油！

uh oh... i need to sleep liao lah. working early later =( sobs.

oh, and i added bunnies counter! they are so cute!!!!!! yeah, i love rabbits. to core. LOL. and I was complaining to xien lin that no one visits my blog and she was like "are you kiddin' me? go install a counter and you'll know!" LOL. lets see.... who visits my blog pls raise you hand! LOL!

alrighty! I will upload nice lovely pictures soon... and my blog entries gonna be different soon! Good night folks!

Loves =)

This is a fucking nasty post so for those who can't take it, DUN READ!

2010-07-23T20:35:00.007+08:00

that's pathetic. before u start hating me for blogging about u, before u start acting like u're oh-so-fucking-helpless & tired. before u acted like "i dun wish to hurt u but i dun have a choice". THINK. USE UR BLOODY HELL BRAIN TO THINK OF WHAT U HAVE DID.

I HAD ENOUGH. BUNNY HAD ENOUGH. RIKKA HAD ENOUGH.

now seriously i dun care how nice ur pals are. to be comforting me and you and encouraging you to do what u have to do. to try to put in good words for u. oh, when we're together u said u are Z kind of person but sorry, very very sorry, what u did are X kind of person. AND BEFORE U TELL ME "TAKE IT THAT YOU'RE RIGHT & I'M WRONG.", BEFORE YOU TELL ME "TAKE IT AS WHATEVER U DEEM IT TO BE."
I HAVE TO SAY, I'M NOT THE ONLY FREAKING HUMAN WHO HAS EYES & EARS. unless u think u dun? but i guess, u're just a freaking human with confused heart yet thinks he's so damn clear of what he wants, pathetic.

building happiness and easy way out on me? get over it. that's not any gentlemen way and i guess u knew it that's why u flare up at my msges of truth. empty promises? never been more capable.

so if u fucking think that i'm going to be the same pathetic bunny being your spare tyre after LZ (i'm putting initials for her sake and not fucking u! becoz i think she's a victim of ur fucking unstable heart just like me.) rejected you, fuck that thought. Becoz I will never ever be the same stupid rikka who helped u be there for u like nobody's business financially, physically and mentally. u changed me. Thank you very much! oh no! U didn't changed me, you taught me how to protect myself. still, thank you very much!

Hate me. go ahead. tell ur future girlfriends how lousy i was, how emotionally unstable i was, that's why we're incompatible so u have no other pathetic choice to dump me a day after you told me "i wanna work hard and earn more money for ur sake so we can build our family together."

oh did i mentioned? he said when we're in love he really felt he wanna start a family and live happily ever after with me. but after that he changed his saying to, long long before he 'happened' to meet LZ he already felt that feeling was different.

for fuck sake! tell this excuse to a 3yr old kid and she'll probably laugh at how stupid u are. oh, i had my share, i got laughed for believing in that excuse from u! wtf .

rmb? I'm may be blind and love u god-damn deeply but i'm not stupid like what u thought me to be. that's why u always disagree with me becoz u think i can't be more capable of u isn't it? for fuck sake, u may be frm good sch, fucking commandor, tough life but honestly speaking, u aint any better than i am to judge my capability! rmb? u dumped her using the excuse that you guys were always quarreling so not compatible and u went straight on with another girl, then one day u realise "i feel so guilty i treated LZ so badly." and sent her pathetic long sms which she dun even wanna reply?

oh during the break up "I dunno if I still like her, maybe it's guilt bah. The feeling comes and goes. So i'm very scared that I'm doing the same mistake this time again. I still have feelings for u, but I dunno. So I want nature to takes its course. There's a possibility that I may get back with LZ, possibility I will get back to you, possibility I may found someone else. I dunno, future's unpredictable so I dun wanna think so much. I only want nature to takes its course." This is his meaning of a closure to that chapter?! then what about the Timmy & Rikka's Chapter? No closure lor...

ah pls, when ur friends or a new babe go question / tell you about what I just said, I am so sure you gonna say "no lor, I had never say that lor. she made it up."

LOL. there's no need for lies in my blog. got what I mean? I dare to swear that I never lie. I dare to swear I didn't let him down. I dare to swear that what I wrote here about his cheap talks were no made up stories.

so now u tell me, u wanna close that chapter be it good or bad. 2, 3 years down the road are u going to tell another then gf of yours "I need to close the chapter with rikka be it good or bad."? beoz for god's sake u used the exact same reason to dump us!!!!

and u told me.... in my life I only love 2 girls truly. LZ and Rikka.

FUCK OFF.

In my life I'd loved only 2 guys. One whom we broke up becoz everything between the both of us turn abusive.
Another one, whom we broke up becoz he wants to close his previous un-closed chapter and left our chapter hanging. which nearly broke me up. which i finally realised, becoz I love u too much, I gave in to every decisions u wanted and accepted every of ur fucking excuses.

Did anyone ever told you before? Even if you're not physically with another person but when you're in a r/s and you have feelings for someone else, THAT IS CHEATING. oh what's new? Aside for your 1st so-call puppy love, you practically cheated on every of your other gfs. and mind you, before you forgotten, LZ wasn't spared. Why didn't I think of it? you did it to them, you could do it to me. LOL. I can't believe I actually trusted your sweet talks of ever lasting love and you being a one-woman's man and actually agreed with the joint a/c? FUCK YOU!

now, curse me in ur heart for scolding u like this. honestly, u dun think u deserve it?
I dun care if u'd truly loved me. i dun care i'm that lucky one of the 2 that u truly loved.

U DON'T KNOW WHAT LOVE IS.

U DON'T KNOW WHAT PAIN IS.

She knows, I know. becoz we were the tools of yours, to your findings of 'happiness'. You simply give up when U dunno how to handle a quarrel. To you, a r/s should never ever have any big waves becoz when there is, you find it too tiring to hold on.

Giving up is ur trait. Find a robot gf, customise her to fit perfectly into your life, your pride, no quarrels, only happiness. There, perfect babe.

THOMAS CHEW, Fuck it. your friends can see this blog and think how scary ur Ex Rikka is. You can go tell ur pals and ur future girls how nasty Rikka was.

Deep down, only those who saw the both of us knows. people who knows me knows. what kind of person i am. only you and I know, how much pain u've inflicted in me for ur own sake. And you and I know what I'd been through with you and done for you and how you've treated me throughout the whole breakup.

For Once, stop thinking what u did were so god damn best for me and you. stop behaving like u're so pathetic. Your Girlfriend loved u like nobody's business. U dumped her becoz U THINK WE CANNOT GET ALONG. after going through so much? after going through your tough times together with you when u screwed things up and she didn't even gave up or look down on you? after everything good things we shared which you only remember the quarrels and you tell me we cannot get along???
fact is? you dun even know who u truly love, LZ or Rikka, or both or none.

I can't Thank you enough for being so god damn sweet to make me out of the 2 girls your truly love. I'm so touched. But woman of my life? my foot! before you start thinking of opening joint a/c, before you start saying "hey fellow jt a/c holder, you're the woman of my life." make sure you're not thinking with your fucking penis but your fucking tiny brain and heart to know HOW TO COMMIT AND LOVE SOMEONE WHOLEHEARTLY AND NOT ONE LEG HERE AND ONE LEG THERE.

hey, i pity myself for trusting u, for crying for u, for making every sacrifices for u... AND I WILL MOVE ON.

U taught me, writing in CAPS. ur favourite huh?

fucker, get a life. you're such a coward.

Bunny 你是世界上最大最大的傻瓜！

2010-07-23T04:11:00.002+08:00

I wanted to post happy things today... I wanted to post about my outing with Sista Janet & Bestie Prab, Dinner with Darling girls, Steamboat with Sista Janet and Chill out with Bestie Via...
I was so happy, excited to do what I wanted to do.

Then here I am, back home, logged in to Facebook. And guess what? I saw comments... comments I hope I didn't seen it at all...

I think...... He found someone new.

Bunny, you're such an idiot. Why are you crying? Why are you still sheding tears for someone who doesn't even think of you. you're forgotten, he has moved on! what the hell are you doing?

Stop those fucking tears. stop it. you're strong. dun cry for him anymore.

Bunny, buck up...

If I didn't get it wrong, I think he already has his new target.

If we're still together... we'll be enjoying good movies together. but he probably wishes to do it with someone else now...

though I enjoyed good movies with my pals too...

But, I miss you.

I wish to move on... like you.

If only... he could tell me... he found someone else. I would feel so much better.

I wish you good luck.

*I dreamt of him twice last night... being in his arms, resting my head in his chest. I woke up realising it was dumpy who wrapped his arms around mummy. thanks son, for helping replacing daddy.*

I longed to be in your arms again... but i guess, it's impossible... already. he's determine abt us being incompatible... bunny, 加油。别再为他流泪了。

*I miss you Tiggy, good night. Hope u visit me again tonight.*

It Doesn't matter

2010-07-22T04:47:00.003+08:00

I just got entertained by XiaXue's Blog again. goodness, she's just real funny & brave. I dunno why some people thinks she's bimbo. Actual fact, I find her really witty. She's just being very very daring in her say. Anw, read one of her super old entry which she was describing about the girls that S'porean guys like. Hillarious! Kinda agree with her on some things she pointed out though...

Guys prefer girls who talk lesser, disagree lesser, less outspoken... (something along the line she meant lah.)
so it made me think again... The quarrels which had gotten to a point beyond salvaging, were usually the times I kept disagreeing with him. Makes me wonder, if I hadn't voice out that much in the past, will we still be together now?

haha=p anyway, it's past. Maybe if I'd tried being a coward and just shut my mouth up, probably the ending is the same still? (This is just an assumption, I can't predict!) When the Love is gone, it's gone. He's just telling me he don't know, he's confused because he's just being nice to me. Becoz if the love is still there, he'll hold on to me tight like as what he had promised. Like as what he wrote in my diary, telling me never to leave him and he would never do the same too. I dunno. It's an answer I'll never find out.

yeah I know, wanna tell me it's over so stop dwelling on it?
Bunny wishes to, but unfortunately, forgetting someone ain't that easy. Having someone close who left you, ain't easy. Especially when you truly loved him and especially when he made you believes that You're his The One and he's The One for you.

Beautiful Allis & Lovely Celena told me that no one is worthed my tears, no one is worthed me hurting myself for.
yes, I understood. Dun worry, Bunny's gonna be strong. =) or very least, I'll do my very best to be.

Though I still feel very very painful... Especially when I realised he's moved on without even a single bits of thoughts for me.. (okie, this is my assumption too. I didn't talk to him though, I just assumed.) Very painful, when I know I'm facing a god damn high risk of bumping into my one-sided love with his arm around another chick's waist... yeah, very painful becoz I do not have a say. I do not have the rights, the involvements in his life anymore.

Tears still swell up in my eyes when I talk about him, think about him. Sometimes when I woke up, I subconsciously whispered "good morning hubby..." then I paused and stoned for awhile. Realising the one beside me was my bolster and not Tiggy. "it's nice to see you first thing when I open my eyes" just cannot be continued anymore.

silly me. I really did loved him that much.

anyway, like I said, I'm treating that Tiggy's passed on... when he went to Taiwan.

oh, a few pals told me... best way to forget someone, is to find myself another partner. LOL. goodness. I guess I will never ever do that.
1) it's unfair to that guy.
2) I probably will not know how to love him right.
3) Ultimately, the more I tried forgetting, I'm risking into more misses for Tiggy.

though I secretly do hope a little little bit (I meant it, a little bit only!) I'll find a guy who looks like Tiggy... His smile, his figure, his face, a nice smell... But loves me more. LOL!!

well, Tiggy's not exactly good looking. In fact, most of my friends said he's just normal looking. some said they do not think he's even cute. some worse, said he looks like girl. haha! in any case, it's just something that I got attracted to. something I dun even know. LOLs!

Anyway, maybe coz I met my girlfriends earlier and they made me feel stronger, happier and more loved. that's why now I ain't so emo in my post. I hope I can remain like this going forward. you know, happy things are always more meaningful to be recorded rather than sad things. takes time I guess. BUNNY CAN DO IT! hahaha=p 加油！

will update my photos for dinner with darling girls and my JB trip with Sista Janet & Bestie Prab soon. Stay Tune! =D

*Good Night Tiggy. Wherever you are. Miss you lots. xoxo (bunny's good night kiss)*

Good Morning Sweet Air

2010-07-21T18:53:00.003+08:00

LOL. yeah, good morning sweet air. the day will only gets better.

strangely, every day I woke up with that god damn heavy feeling in me. Emo feeling? Feeling of loneliness? Excitment? Worries? LOL. dude, i dunno.

But I remember ytd sista was illustrating this story to me... the character said this to someone "You don't know what pain is."

It popped out in my mind the 1st moment i opened my beautiful eyes.

"You Don't Know What Pain Is."

yes you dunno. dun say sorry. dun say u understand. dun say you know it hurts. dun say you've no choice. dun say it's the best for me and you. 别说为我好.. dun tell me u know all along it's gonna hurt me like hell. don't. because You Don't Know What Pain is.

yes, you may be in a struggle. you may feel stranded, alone, frustrated, exhausted... but still you dunno what pain is.

and I hope one day, you'll realise what Pain is...

I dun need you to feel the same as what I went through.. but I hope you feel how Pain feels like.

And the Pain is what that kept me going stronger. Let me understood. Let me realised that there's no need to search for Happiness & Love. Happiness is there, Love is there, hiding in every small little things and moments that happened in every minute our life. We don't have to create happiness. They're there.

I hope you'll understand and find that happiness one day... not just the initial happiness in the start of love. but happiness in everything. because you're still creating happiness for yourself out from things.

Happiness & Love in friends, parents & siblings, nature, events, songs, everything... even strangers.

Weather's bad... Hope you're doing well.

我想要... 会过得比你好

2010-07-21T10:29:00.005+08:00

after night shift... so i supposed to be sleeping now! but but but... LOL. so lonely, muz blog to rant and release whatever in me... LOL!

well, perhaps... i guess... I am just afraid of forgetting? or maybe, I just dun wanna keep it in me yet I dunno how to voice out?

coming down with a flu soon =( I think i caught a cold in JB last evening becoz of the rain... god damn cold ytd man. Sembawang was pouring, madly.

bestie prab was asking me... why shld I be nice to someone who's not worth it at all? i couldn't answer her.

that was the least I could do. i am forbidden by him to carry on the promises i made, but i juz dun need to break every single promise i made. i dun wanna be like him.

and... he was worth it. or at least, the memories he gave me were. and still are.

beautiful allis and lovely celena came to talk to me this morn. they were concerned abt me. loves. they just brightened up my morning with simple words and advices.

Prab said I am a strong girl. so proud of myself. LOL!

but i guess... i'm still pretty weak deep down. I just know how to believe. 信总比不信好. haha, people's gonna scold me naive etc etc etc. but i guess, these are what made me happier. after all, i ain't such a pessimistic person as what he deemed me to be. well, i supposed. =p somehow, I know I'm stronger than him... LOL!

Bunny 加油！

while he moves on pretty well... i guess, i'm staying pretty strong too. in fact, he really gave me a lot of strength. he taught me courage and protection for myself. he makes me stronger.

i dare say perhaps this is the hardest i fell so far... but those moments were the happiest. holding on to memories is simply... beautiful.
and especially finding happiness in small things, seeing the amazing sides of everyone, knowing who you could always count on, and doing things for myself.

and realising... I am True to myself. True to my love, my friends and my family.

if my life is just a plain long path, he was an amazing guy who left some foot prints on it. and i'm glad he did.
and so i've forgiven that selfishness of his. else, I could never forgive myself.

gege asked me "为什么人总是在失去了之后才懂得珍惜？" i gave some real serious thoughts and I asked myself if I'm just one of those kind too?

at least till now, I know I'm not. becoz I cherished him too before I lost him.

what about him? does he miss me like how I do too?
or perhaps, somehow, he probably hates me now.

LOL... whatever lah. He's not Tiggy anymore. My Tiggy didn't survived.

gosh, so much to do. gotta book my colmar tropicale tour soon! Excited.

alright, off to bed in the morning sun. LOL.

Good night Tiggy. Miss ya.

Finding Happiness in Small things

2010-07-20T05:55:00.016+08:00

mum's bugging me to sleep coz I'm having a god damn long day later.. or rather, for the next 2 days. LOL. but I simply find peace and joy in blogging! *Loves!* haha=p

Saw this quote at Dhoby Ghaut circle line station. LOL. to think I could notice such thing in a station (and it's not like the wordings are big lah...):

"when you miss a shot, never think of what you've did wrong. Take the next shot thinking of what you must do Right." by.... i can't rmb the name. oops.

yeah. Time for me to take the next shot thinking of what I must do Right. Time for me to love myself.

I have so much I wanna do!! I wanna study and get a degree or lots of certs that are useful. I wanna plan movie marathons, chalet, travelling, wanna learn driving etc etc etc!! Every such thoughts excite me to the max! LOL. but the prob is...... MONEY! bunny gotta work hard and earn more liao lah... or, any sponsors? hahahaha=p

oh yeah, and getting another tattoo will be one goal to achieve by Christmas! =p

and sadly, that gave me a 2nd thought in changing job. but, but, but... i really need a change in environment. kinda pointless to remain at a place where your heart dun belongs to anymore.. or rather, where you can't find the joy and where contains memories you dun wish to hold anymore. haha=p another confusion.

anyway, planned to go with bestie Via for hiking at Mt. Kinabalu in Sabah. the leave is confirmed though... i hope everything goes smoothly and I can confim this trip real soon! More OT for bunny! oh well, hiking package really ain't as affordable as I thought. LOL.

and I'm thinking something real crazy... travelling alone in my Aug Compliance leave! LOL. if I do it, it's gonna be one of the biggest step I gonna take. Thought of either Taiwan (if I can go far) or Colmar Tropicale... but this is if, my dearest pocket allows and grant me the permission!

anyway, last few days had been real packed with activities, exhausted yet loving it...

6 of us (Ron & Ariel, Roy & Jenn, Janet & Rikka) went for the Movie Inception! It's great! though ending was a little disappointing. I thought it was happy ending, end up... pretty 'ouch' kind of ending. After that was hanging out at Heeren's McDonald while waiting for the never-ending rain to stop! but... LOL. Anyway, guess what? We chose the location to hang out by spinning the coke bottle on my ipod touch. wahahaha!

My Spize Supper nearly became a Spize Supper Marathon with Sista Janet, Mai Mai, Khoo Mei Ping! We went there consecutive 2 nights! And if all of us are around tonight, probably might have a 3rd round! LOL. *Loves!*

My Citi pals Love me!! LOL. Strawberry 'Pocky' from lovely Gim Gim, World Cup Lighter from John kor kor and KoKo Krunch from Sista Jenn!!!! =p

Oh yeah... Few weeks back, went to do my hair with Bestie Prabha and damn it, we love our new hair styles! I badly need more treatment and conditioning for my bleached and rebonded hair though... haha!

Was this a month or two ago? Darling Girls finally unite once again and had the craziest time at Night Safari! Thanks to Twin Jenn we have a great great dinner (consist of a goodness damn big chilli crab which the girls were nice enough to 'peel' for me... coz i dunno how to eat crab! heez...) at real amazing discount becoz Twin's a staff there! *Loves!*

Oh... met up with the darling girls again... The purpose of this photo is actually to show...... my DIY purple (or reddish purple) hair which faded like after 3 days.... =.="
LOL!!

Hillarious pic! Kinda bim to do this man... totally unglam while trying to show off Kate Spade tote.. that doesn't belongs to me! wahahahaha...

oh! and guess what I've found?? :
Rikka (立花) is a type of ritual flower offering practiced by Japanese Buddhists. It first appeared in the fifteenth century. The rikka style reflects the magnificence of nature and its display.
Goodness! My name is a flower's name! LOL!!!

yup... slowly slowly damn slowly getting myself healed... I still miss him like crazy though... but I know it's impossible, i mean, really really impossible for us to get back (I guess it's a personally decision and most likely his decision too. though he didn't say it but i feel it this way. guess the break up process was really too strained for me). to me, he's gone... like... he passed away and didn't manage to come home.. (i know this is kinda repeative but anyway! heh.)

I just hope somewhere out there, he's living well, sleeping well, eating well.. =)

my love for him never goes. whether if it ever will... i dunno.

anyway! alright, gotta go back to my dreamland now. hopefully can meet Tiggy again there! LOL. busy day ahead... JB, Night Shift, Sun Tanning and Dinner with Darling Girls, continuously 2 days!

Good night Tiggy. Miss ya, miss ur hugs, miss ur goodnight kisses. Love u.

Sweetness

2010-07-19T07:16:00.003+08:00

Short & sweet today.. Coz I'm blogging with iPod touch and I'm god damn exhausted after a brain frosting from doing the mid year appraisal for 2 hrs. goodness huh? Lol..

Enjoyed myself with xiaxue's blog today. She's damn cool. Love her! Lol...

Now pals dun scream at me... it's not silly. I just love Love.

U're on MC for last 2 days... Hope u're feeling better... I dun think I'll be seeing him in office anymore..
Though I doubt he cares abt seeing me too.

good night peeps!

Miss you dearest Tiggy...

Gossips

2010-07-18T04:49:00.005+08:00

LOL. I've just been told, my break up and myself has been a hot topic for gossips in office lately.
goodness me! humans nature? curiosity really kills a cat. When things happened, people start searching for clues and info and came out with all sorts of stories they cld deduced from my rants during experiences of anger, sadness, desperation and maybe happiness.

i never knew my blog became so popular suddenly. LOL.

comeon people, whoever's reading, there's no need for gossips. rumours and gossips are never real, so why do it?
anyway, when i blog, i know the exposure I'm facing. so the fact that I dun bother hiding things. in a way, if i want to hide, i won't bother blogging. this is me, this is rikka. this is bunny. this is how i do things. i'm expressive, unfortunately not in speech but in words.. so I blog, to relieve tensions and sadness that bottled up in me becoz I didn't know who and how to talk abt problems.

anyway, whatever it is... just bare in mind. whatever I voice on in the blog are very personal. becoz this blog is all about my feelings. So I most likely did not illustrate a full story. so... save the guesses.

yes, i'm affected becoz i couldn't get over a break up. yes, i'm upset becoz i met with some problems back home. yes, i'm worried becoz i am suspected of stomach ulcers so i'm scared of operations. and so yes, dun bother about guessing and coming out with your stories from what was deduced from my comments and rants. the full story was not illustrated.

call me silly, call me dumb, weak, lousy, whatever. to me, he was a good bf... he really was. though i took the break up in a sad way. I dun wan anyone to look at him differently becoz of my comments of desperation.

yes, i know i do sounded like a victim. but in actual fact, there's never right and wrong in relationship. if i portrayed myself as a victim of the break up, i'm sorry i gave such impression.

becoz i'm a victim of my own feelings...
not the break up.

do me a favour, to whoever who cares for me as a friend. this blog is not meant to put anyone down, change any impression of people, or to stir any troubles... it's just a channel for me to vent my frustration and desperation, sadness and anger, happiness and blessings at that moment when it came...

it's all just about my feelings......

He was a nice bf... and I really loved him. our break up, shldn't make him be viewed as a different person.
None of us are victims. None of us are right or wrong.
Pls just be fair to him and me.

becoz this blog is solely my expressions of how i felt.... many times in fit of anger and sadness.

*I miss you Tiggy. miss your smiles. Good Night*

I can't help...

2010-07-17T07:55:00.007+08:00

I can't help reading her blog and find out more...

She's been thru the same pain.
Everything she said and did was what I went through too...

I wanted a 2nd chance from him. Like her.
(though we both deep down probably knows it was not Just our faults.)

I wanted him to Love me again. Like her.

I wanted to see him... Just like her.

We're 2 of a kind, abandoned. Torn apart by our Love for him.

But she's luckier. 2yrs later, he now feels the guilt towards her.
I became the victim of his confusions.

Maybe not really luckier. She innocently became one of the excuse to our break up.

The things he said to her, was the same if I didn't read wrongly. The love is not strong enough to go through the pain of quarrels.

Does he always gives up on love like this? for his sake, to break our hearts?

but one thing I know. He was as heartless to me as he was to her.

She's so strong. I admire her... her courage.

I wonder how she did it... and if she's still doing it.

I need help. I really do.

I feel miserable.

I miss Tiggy.
why did you leave me when i needed u most? why didn't u come back from taiwan?

Inception

2010-07-17T06:43:00.003+08:00

I once had a similar dream... But I only reached Level 2. LOL. I dreamt and saw some scenes, then saw myself sleeping and went into another dream. Then I saw myself waking up, I thought I was awake. Then I realised I was still in a dream and woke up again.

Chilling. It was kinda scary rather than amazing. experience it. I never knew this could happen.

Anyway, He said something so Amazing to me today:

"I said before and I'm saying it again. I will not forget about us, I'm just moving on as an individual."

"I knew all along my decision will hurt you. But I have to do it in order to move on. I'm sorry for hurting you."

"Ok, take it that I'm selfish and I'm a Jerk. At least that is what I interpret from what you said."

also he asked me
"So you rather I stay and feel unhappy?"

Lastly, he said
"I still hope we remains as friends though I know I can't control, I can only Hope."

I can't be bothered to reply anymore. What did I say? I simply asked him how did he do it? How did he push everything aside like they never meant anything to him?

What a confused boy isn't it? He is aware he's being such a selfish jerk and he asks me to take it that way becoz it's what i said? Goodness isn't it? So you rather I stay and feel unhappy? Isn't that just all for yourself?

I just forgotten to reply you "so you rather dumped me and made me unhappy? Building Happiness on my misery. How gentleman was that?

Thomas, hate me for all you want for posting this on my blog. I just couldn't stand your own sense of righteousness and trying to be a good man who broke someone's heart becoz he doesn't have a choice.

Your Guilt, your self claimed determination and confidence, Pretty obvious isn't it?

sigh, what comes around goes around. you know? Karma?

I think I'm going insane soon... it's really a Love & Hate thing now. Hated things that he said. all his bullshitting and yeah, cheap talks. yet, I still Love him. WTH was that? To think, I'm as confused as him! WTF?

I can't believe I still have thoughts of being there for him when he needed someone. hell shit.

Would I prefer to live in reality or self created dreams like in Inception?

Confused... I Love U & I Hate U. (like u care.)

I miss Tiggy. Good night.

Heart made of Steel

2010-07-16T02:33:00.005+08:00

我真的不明白！你到底怎么做到？教教我！怎么忘记你这个王八蛋！

you're such a lousy BF, WHY AM I STILL THINKING ABT A F*CKER LIKE U???

i wanna forget you... PLS GET OUT OF MY MIND!

我好累。为什么对你而言，忘记我们是那么的容易？

4 more days and I'll never see you in office again.. I dunno if I ever wanna see you again. But I guess, it doesn't matter to you. To you, even if I never look for you again, it seems like it never matters. To you, I just realised, I'm Nothing. To me, whatever you did to me ain't helping.. just trying to tell me how much you wanna forget about us. How insignificant our r/s is to you. Why are you proving me right? why are you destroying me? why are you proving yourself a liar? THOMAS CHEW! YOU HURT ME LIKE IT NEVER COST ANYBODY A THING! I AM A FREAKING HUMAN! I DO NOT HAVE A HEART MADE OF STEEL LIKE YOU!

god... I'm so tired. enough tears. enough frustrations. enough thoughts & dreams & nightmares of him. enough. just gimme a break. f*ck off. just gimme a break.

I dun wanna go back to him anymore. I dun trust him anymore. God, pls just gimme the strength to heal the deep wound on my heart. pls gimme the strength and let me forget everything that ever happened between us. they are just dreams, they are not real... pls...

Pls, don't prove me that you're a liar... pls don't prove me that you're such an useless asshole. pls dun prove those ugly thoughts and comments right.

i always believe in Tiggy and stood by him at his lowest point in life. Thomas Chew, pls dun destroy that beautiful image. pls dun prove yourself to be a liar...

Tiggy... why didn't you bring bunny away with you? I miss you...

God, give me the strength and peace. Pls help me.

Confusions...

2010-07-15T21:01:00.007+08:00

it's been 2 interesting weeks where i encountered things that I haven't encounter for a long period of time. met many strangers who approached me, talked to me.. randomly. and is juz a passerby thing... then i realised, while I was with Timmy, I overlooked many many meaningful things around me. i became so particular abt small little stuffs and i didn't see the 'good-ness' of things... which was never me. I am always the 算了啦 kind of person... what happened during the last few mths?
I rmb I always love 'preparing for the worst', something he hated most. but I forgotten about it so totally. I just wanted to love him... and I forgotten to prepare myself from getting hurt - the worst.

today, i spoke to this auntie from this beauty parlor. she was complimenting on my looks etc... then I talked to her about changed of jobs and environment. she said this "you're still so young and beautiful. you'll only be young once. Go for it. Jia you and dun give up. I was once your age and I had the same confusion, but I never regretted. It may be extremely tough when you change your direction and give up your comfort zone, but it's the 1st step to something you'll never regret."

thank you. for giving me such a courage, a courage to a stranger...

came home early today. after 2 long days of activities. supper with Jenn and Uncle Tony, sleep, then Yoga class and hang out with Janet in the afternoon, then K-session and supper with bestie... then sleep 2 hours, meet Sista Ariel to the bank and then afternoon lunch... then to facial.... finally home again. omg. LOL.

but... in the past, at this timing, at 10pm, if he ain't working I'll be hanging ard in his room chatting and watching DVD while he plays game... or I'll be back for 2nd off if he's working. I miss those times. does he miss them too? where he has someone bugging him.. sometimes, doing up a last min steamboat in his room.

yesterday was our 8th month anniversary... if he didn't had a change of love for me. or rather... if Tiggy had return from Taiwan... (i knw it's only 8mths... but every mth meant alot to me)

coincidentally... the day he left me to climb out of the dark pit on my own was 28 June... was... one of the dates i never wish to rmb... a date to do with a previous abusive r/s i nv wish to recall.

so many people... told me he is not worth my love. told me he's not true. told me he's a cheater. even someone who knows him well told me he only do and say things for a moment. some told me he's useless, at this age he still didn't know how to cherish and think for his future. some told me to forget abt this bastard, he did it to LZ, he did it to me, he never knew what is the meaning of love and cherish. out of 10, 10 told me he's not worth my love and tears...

did they say it becoz they meant it? becoz 旁观者亲 so they know? or becoz they pity me, they care for me and just wanted me to forget?

till the very last moment, he still tells me dun listen to others... especially fortune tellers etc.. then shld i listen to him? won't i be so stupid to believe someone who never really meant what he said?

Ariel dear and auntie said, he's saying those things to cover his guilt. who on earth would say "hey dun believe what I said"? 他们说Timmy只是在为自己铺后路... if he has nothing one day, he will still has a silly bunny who choose to believe him and stood by him.

他有大家说得那么差劲吗？

My Karma? Becoz I had so many BFs but I never truly fall in love before. so now, this is my punishment?

I fell deeply in love twice. 1st time to a wrong guy... 2nd time to someone who claims to be my Mr Right but never knew how to cherish a r/s...

i wish to believe him... but i didn't know how to. at this point of time, the feeling towards him is love and hate. i miss him yet i never want to see him again... I love him yet I never wld want to return to his side again. never.

my bros said he'll never admit or tell me the truth.... as guy's opinion.
but Timmy if you ever read my blog... I really want nothing but the truth. why the sudden change after Taiwan? why hold me back when I wanted a break up and later dumped me? why put me thru what LZ has went through.... for ur pride? for ur winning? why the hope for something you never understood? why me to be your victim of your testing? And I want the Truth when you no longer love me...

and if you ever could, pls teach me how to be as selfish as you, as heartless as you. pls teach me how to forget like what you did? teach me how to treat everything like they never once happened, never once meant anything to you? pls teach me how not to shed a tear for hurting someone. pls teach me how you made someone believe in you and crush everything. pls teach me how to be such a capable jerk.

what comes around goes around. I believe something in Karma Timmy. you used so many excuses to chase me off... you made ur problems our problems to be excuses of break up... u hurt me... so deeply...

Confusions... I Loved you... Now I miss you... and I hate you... I dunno if I ever could forgive someone like you. or I dunno if I could ever forget you... I hope you got your karma, yet I don't want you to get hurt. I dun want you to feel down at all...

confusions. I love u and I hate u. confusions.

I did a small survey... and we noticed the same thing. Tiggy & Bunny photos before his trip and after his trip was very different. our photo after his trip... were lacked of love and chemistry... Tiggy really did not return from Taiwan.

我希望你不要在伤害我了，也不要再骗我了。也希望你对我的爱是真的。更希望你做了这个选择过后，不要因为寂寞而伤到其他人...

confusions... I wish I could fall into a Coma now... I wish I could just lose my memory. I wish when Tiggy left, he brought bunny with him... I wish I never knew Thomas, Timmy, Yong Mun... whatever.

Real and the Unreal

2010-07-14T06:21:00.004+08:00

I came across the following at http://www.sixbillionsecrets.com/ :

I want to meet someone who looks like him... same eyes, same hair, same smile.

Same amazing sense of humor, but also the serious, dependable, caring side. I want him to smell the same, look the same, act the same, BE the same.

The only difference? I want him to love me back... For once.

Beautiful... I admire her courage of Love, I admire her strength. I have the same 'want' too... But the only difference? I thought he loves me but I never knew if he really did. Or rather, I wish he could Love me once again.

He always said it hurts when I doubted his love for me. I never wanted to. I trusted him. Then I realised today... I never knew if I was right all these while. And I never knew if he was right all these while. Maybe, He thinks that he loved me.

He once told me, my dream was no longer a dream. It's a dream came true. Today I got struck so hard on my head...... Dreams are never Real.

I Miss him. I dare to say and announce I miss him so much, I dun mind if I need to sleep forever to have this dream ongoing.

yeah, I may be silly. yeah, he may not be as true as I thought he would be. But he was my smiles, my laughters, my strength.

I just got woken up from a dream... and I wish I never did.

你的明天有多快乐，不是我的，我们的爱是唱一半的歌...
时间把习惯换了，伤口愈合，也撤销我再想你的资格...

Good night Tiggy.
I miss you.

I Wanna Know What Love Is...

2010-07-13T02:04:00.004+08:00

我好想你！我真的真的好想你！

我想你... 我希望你一直在我的身边。

可是残忍的你... 丢下我一个人。

Just gonna stand there and watch me burn...

I miss you.

我要的自由

2010-07-12T20:31:00.001+08:00

fall sick again... till todate, i'm still vomitting every intake of food i had. I'm slowly getting very very weak. I guess there ain't enough food to convert to energy and each day it is getting more frequent of me feeling giddy and fainting. i dunno if i was too sad to accept the food and feel nauseas at the sight of it or......

anyway, for the past 3 days, i hadn't been able to drop a single tear. 我麻木了吗？还是想通了？but i feel extremely miserable inside. i hated the sight of him... i still couldn't understand, how did he do it? can i just be like him and let go everything and pretended they never happened overnight? how did he do it?!

他怎么学着忘记我们的日子？怎么忘记他病倒时，我在他身旁的日子？怎么忘记我们牵着手，笑着做我们喜欢做的东西的日子？怎么忘记我们躺在对方的身旁看星星的日子？他怎么做到的？

i dreamt of him every nights and it's driving me crazy... these few days i've been wondering, cld things be different if he didn't went taiwan for reservice? cld things be different if I didn't have depression? or cld things be different if he hasn't seen her that day? thinking of things that i could never find an answer... if only god could just bring me back to times...

i'm so tired... i feel crushed. i feel aimless... pointless... i know i was told he is not worth my love. i know i was told he's not the one for me. i know for his pride, possibilities of us being back together is almost 0%. but why couldn't i be like him? why can't i just forget as fast as he could? overnight.

he probably won't miss me any further... becoz of someone new? i'm just like an outdated gadget, thrown.

that night i cleared my things out from his room... the last tight hug, the last kiss, the last goodbye... if 'last' was never invented. if 'ending' was never invented. at least, not invented for the good things.

or... if only 'ending' applies to me as easy as it was for him.

Tiggy's gone. My hubby met in an accident and passed away... His body was so destroyed it couldn't even be found. I love him with the whole of me and i miss him terribly. I still rmb telling him when i woke up one day that our son's name will be starting with initial 'R' and our daughter's name starts with 'T' and I love the name 'Tiara'. Tiggy smiled and said "傻瓜..." but sadly, a dream unfulfiled... Tiggy I've be strong when you're not around... but if one day you found your way home, rmb Bunny never leaves...

If god wants me to exchange half of my life for a happily ever after with him, I would. No matter if roads gonna be tough, 跟着他命会很苦 or even if I'm not gonna be rich. I'm willing to. If I live up to 90 years old and god let me live happily with him till 45, I am willing to. as long as the love is true and we both are happy. 别说我傻了... 有人说爱情就是可以这么美丽，这么伟大。

Misery. Life is unpredictable. It's time I push misery to the corner of my hearts and live in happiness for the sweet memories. God & Angels, Pls gimme the strength to do so.

Tiggy I miss you.

我感动天，感动地，怎么感动不了你。

2010-07-08T21:35:00.000+08:00

好痛。

我真的承受不了。

He reads my blog. Yet he only reads how different we were. But not How special he was to me. Not how eager I was to see him... Not how much I love him.

Now he is gone. Why me?

为什么这样子对我？当初的誓言，他都可以推得一干二净。难道，他不会留恋着我们之间的深爱吗？

神说 “守旧变新”，要我顺序自然。我找不到力量与平静...

they say he was so unfair to me. but I still dun hate him... But why did he went to see her? Why must our love be risk by her? Who is she? 我开始恨她了...

Will he miss me 2 years down the road like what he did now?

he always say, he will not let anything jeopadise our r/s... He will not risk our r/s. He did.

我好累。为什么我的头脑一直这样想不停？我为什么和别人不一样? 我可以像他这么容易地把我们忘掉吗？

我真的不想在起床了。我不知道怎么解这样子的痛。痛到连呼吸都觉得痛，痛到我没有力气支撑下去。我不会为你而死，但我受够这个痛了。我不想在承受了。带我走......

我只要你快乐...

2010-07-02T00:49:00.000+08:00

I'm back, back home in SG. Tonnes of things happened... family, work and love... I went back to M'sia because of some family issues. and I saw quarrels everywhere. Realised one thing in common. Men and Women each have a set of reactions/behaviours in quarrels, Men in Anger and Women in Tears. In the past, 外婆 and 外公, Tiggy & Bunny... also, mummy & daddy, aunt & uncle...

Tiggy, you're right. We were Normal afterall.

Sadly, Tiggy's missing. It feels like... He passed away. I miss him... I miss him so much. I rmb him telling me "Hey My fellow Joint a/c Holder, you're the woman of my life, you know?" and I wld shy-ly shook my head and whisper "nope I dunno. heez..."
"and now you know... so don't ever leave me okie?" said Tiggy.

Tiggy & Bunny were deeply in love. And I still love Tiggy, as much as ever. But Tiggy, where did you go? Man of my life... when will you be home? I miss you. so much so much...
And I know, all Tiggy wanted was Bunny to be happy. Everything he thought of was for my sake... Tiggy, I'm sorry I didn't smile enough. But while you're not around, I'm be strong. Even without your prescence, thoughts of you, your smiles and us are my strength to move on. We always have a special bond... from Day 1 when I know you, from the day we turned from strangers to colleagues, colleagues to friends, friends to buddies, buddies to lovers... till now that you're gone, we always have this special bond. This bond should never be broken, and never will be... at least at my end.

I wish one day, we'll find Tiggy. Promises are promises, it's meant to be kept. My promise to Tiggy? I'll hold your hand and walk down this rocky path with you, forever and ever...

别担心我。我现在还是快乐的，可是有你在我身边我会更快乐... 更幸福...

Anyway, strangely, I got to know this new friend name Thomas... He looks very similar to Tiggy... or at least, he reminds me of Tiggy. But I dun really know him that well yet... Hopefully, I could know him better...
Blessing in disguise? Maybe that's what Tiggy prepared to make life easier for me? He always care, I know... =)

Anyway... Last few days had been tough. really tough. I had the worst migraine ever of my life... for continueously 4 nights. well, 4 sleepless nights of coz. while Tiggy's not around... Experienced some tough issues that I can't resolve... But Thankfully, I have Besties Cara and Prabha, Sistas Janet and Ariel and Darling girl Joo San with me... and also Mum & Dad and my aunt (also my god mother)... So glad. It was them... who got me standing up stronger...

I am thinking of overseas employment... wonder how is working overseas like. However, Dad doesnt seem too pleased of my thoughts.. he's worried I guess... and mummy... didn't look to well also. sigh.

mean while, health conditions didn't get any better... I may need to see the doctors soon. hate it. If Tiggy's still around, he would definitely goes with me... but now, I'm all alone. Didn't tell mummy & daddy too, afraid they couldn't take it. I seems to forget things easier and more lately.. it's scary...

anyway, take care people... life's unpredictable. Just like how Tiggy just suddenly went missing. Buddy Lulu told me this: some questions no matter how much you think, forever there will not have any answers.. Just hold on to the faith... Don't lose that faith.
sigh... yeah, dun lose that faith... Destiny's in our hands, all we need is to believe in ourselves.. hold that faith.

Tiggy hubby... Jia you! =) 我会快乐的。而我... 我也只要你快乐。